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Lost after diagnosis

nm

I'm a 43yr old woman. I've suffered from depression and other associated mental health issues most of my life. I finally got assessed last week and was told that I was on the spectrum. 

I thought I would feel relieved. My whole life I've been confused by social interaction, and told by everyone that I just needed to try harder to be social. I was resigned to being socially awkward, and now I know, at least, that there's a reason behind it, and thought maybe I could cut myself a break now. I think, very probably, that it's been the cause of my depression too. I don't really know anything about Asperger's but it seems to make sense.

I don't really have much social interaction. I have a dog and I have to talk to other dog walkers every day but only briefly. I work at home and don't go out otherwise. I have two friends that I usually speak to on the phone once a week.  Otherwise I have friends online that I write to.

This last week though, I find myself analysing everything I'm saying. I realised that 80% of my conversation to my friends is me not understanding an aspect of human behaviour or them having to explain stuff to me. It's making me really self conscious. 

I haven't been able to bring myself to tell my family yet. They live far away, and I feel like they won't be supportive anyway. 

I thought getting diagnosed would help but right now I feel even more isolated. I don't want to talk to anyone. I really hoped this would make things better, but I don't know how to make that happen.

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  • Wow.  These comments have really moved me.  I have read quite a lot of books on the subject but seeing these comments and realizing that other people have experienced similar life experiences and come out the other side has made a big difference.

    i think my experiences have been considerably hindered by an autism "specialist" psychologist who I went to see privately to try and come to terms with my diagnosis.  I had what I now know was incorrect therapy and it has harmed me considerably.  I have been left by that person to believe that I have a problem with ALL my relationships (married for 10 years, best friend for 20 years).  I am now in the process of reporting them to their professional bodies.

    that aside,  it has helped me to realise where my weaknesses are.  I thought I could read people and communicated well but evidently not.  In the last year I have had 3 medical "professionals" take care of my vulnerability by fobbing me off with poor treatment.  (complaints upheld).  It has taken all this to identify where my deficits are As I am very sensitive and thought I was entirely to blame.  I can see now that it's not all my fault.  I was frightened of accepting my diagnosis but I am starting to realise that knowing other people have similar issues is in itself very healing.  My best friends partner confided in me   That he suspects he too has Aspergers but saw it as cathartic.  We talked about the shame I feel and I am beginning to realise that it isnt my fault.  I think that learning about my lack of insight is helping me to realise that that really isn't my fault and I am beginning to forgive myself. 

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  • Wow.  These comments have really moved me.  I have read quite a lot of books on the subject but seeing these comments and realizing that other people have experienced similar life experiences and come out the other side has made a big difference.

    i think my experiences have been considerably hindered by an autism "specialist" psychologist who I went to see privately to try and come to terms with my diagnosis.  I had what I now know was incorrect therapy and it has harmed me considerably.  I have been left by that person to believe that I have a problem with ALL my relationships (married for 10 years, best friend for 20 years).  I am now in the process of reporting them to their professional bodies.

    that aside,  it has helped me to realise where my weaknesses are.  I thought I could read people and communicated well but evidently not.  In the last year I have had 3 medical "professionals" take care of my vulnerability by fobbing me off with poor treatment.  (complaints upheld).  It has taken all this to identify where my deficits are As I am very sensitive and thought I was entirely to blame.  I can see now that it's not all my fault.  I was frightened of accepting my diagnosis but I am starting to realise that knowing other people have similar issues is in itself very healing.  My best friends partner confided in me   That he suspects he too has Aspergers but saw it as cathartic.  We talked about the shame I feel and I am beginning to realise that it isnt my fault.  I think that learning about my lack of insight is helping me to realise that that really isn't my fault and I am beginning to forgive myself. 

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