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I think I have AS???

bryan8282

I've just joined this community as I only recently thought that I might have Asperger's Syndrome. Although, I'm very confused as to whether I do or not.
I rarely go to see my doctor for anything and anytime I do I am always concerned that he is going to think that I am just a hypochondriac or a timewaster. I'm trying to avoid going to see him, so I thought I'd try and gauge what other people are going through.

I did some of the online tests for AS and I scored 32 on one and 33 on  two others – which I believe is borderline.

To be honest, I never really thought I was different until recently when I was talking to my friend about how frustrated I get when the other people in my work “staple things incorrectly”. He kind of laughed at me as apparantly other people don’t have a specific way of stapling… he also doesn’t have a colour-coding system for how to eat his Smarties – that’s not “normal” either?


I don’t make friends easily, and I prefer to have a few close friends rather than be in a large social group. My friends and family know that I am not good in social situations like parties, but I always thought that it was purely social anxiety. Even when going out to meet with my friends I can get pretty worked up.
I’ve never been good with social interactions and I find forming close relationships difficult. People tend to think of me as aloof.

I find verbal comunication difficult and prefer to “talk” to people via text or email. However, when I email people they have a tendancy to run on and on (like this post).

I don’t like spontieity. If I am making plans I want to know what is happening well in advance. I feel more comfortable with routines – and get unsettled when they are disrupted.
When people make jokes around me I have a tendancy to take them litterally.
I constantly misunderstand peoples gestures towards me.

I am very good at remembering birthday and numbers, but I’m not great with remembering names.

I have what is refered to as a "filmographic memory". I have the ability to recall full conversations I have had with people years ago - not every conversation though, just some and they can be quite random memories, and I see memories as moving images full of detail.

I can be quite obsessive about a new subject for a short space of time, before I get bored of it.
I follow rules carefully and feel frustrated when I see others not doing so – for example, if a sign says keep your feet off the seats, why should other people think it’s ok to put their feet up?

But from my reading I would say that there are some of the more prominent symptoms that I don’t have… such as the physical things. I’m not especially clumsy of have unusual posture.
Although I sometimes struggle to understand what other people mean, I don’t feel that I lack empathy for others.
I don’t think of myself as having a limited range of interests. I am interested in a large number of topics – so much so that I am an expert in nothing, but pride myself in having a small amount of knowledge in many subjects.

And I am honest to a fault. I lost a very close friend for ten months because of this. During this time I regularly emailed him and he never replied. Only now that I am considering myself to have AS, and that I simply don’t understand people do I realise that him ignoring me all that time was his way of replying. I didn’t get it and kept harassing him.
Amazingly we are now speaking again, but obviously I’m finding comunicating with him difficult. I want to clear the air but he just says we should “let it go”, which isn’t something I feel comfortable doing as I can't read between the lines and work out what happened. He was pretty upset with me and I can’t work out why he started talking to me again.
And having read over that last few sentences, I see I also have a tendancy to go off at a tangent.

  • Hi Bryan,

    Much of what you have described are things I have problems with too.

    Classic Codger's suggestion that a formal diagnosis is a good idea is the route that I am taking.  I found it quite easy, because the (locum) doctor was very understanding, although there may be quite a wait after the Initial Assessment before a Full Assessment can be carried out, as it will be in my case.

    You could tell people you may have AS, because you're not committing either way until you know.  I've only told immediate family, two of my cousins, and a few ex-work colleagues I still keep in touch with via e-mail - and all of them have been very supportive - it really does make it that much easier.

    Also, as Classic Codger mentions, there is a mix of traits between people on the spectrum.  Attention to detail has meant that, for me, I've done really well in some jobs, yet problems with verbal communication have had serious repercussions for me in others.  As you say, realising you might have AS has allowed you to see areas where you might be more focussed, and it's certainly a good idea - that's what I'm doing too.

    I agree about the colour coding for Smarties - although it's many years since I had them, I did the same too.  Also, I have various different mugs for tea, and non-matching saucers to rest them on, but ALWAYS put certain mugs on certain saucers, and can't bear them not being on the "correct" saucer.  I do like predictability.

    Obviously, the choice of whether you seek a Formal Assessment is up to you, but good luck in whatever choice you make, and in the meantime, welcome!

  • I get what you're saying. It can be terribly frustrating when people don't just say what they mean, but still walk away thinking you've got it. I can't count the times that I've stood there thinking 'I didn't understand a word of that, but I'll look a fool if I say so' and then gone on to 'wing' it, with sometimes bad results...

    On the subject of diagnosis, you'll get both opinions on here. Some people are happy to self-identify, others want more. I'm on the side of seeking formal diagnosis just because it leaves no doubt in your mind. Others have said this too - it can be just as valuable to find out you aren't, as that you are.

    In my case, it was my GP who sent me for re-evaluation after a lifetime of 'unidentified' difficulties, and a long-standing diagnosis of Bipolar (this is a common misdiagnosis for ASD people) that she finally said she didn't agree with. This after me spending many years saying it was wrong, and pretty much being treated like an idiot for knowing myself better than some idiot psych with no interest in me.

    In common with others, I've been given every pill under the sun, but they can't 'treat' who you are.

    There is supposed to be a clear pathway to diagnosis that your GP should be aware of, and be able to refer you to. Others have done this - go to your GP with your message above, containing all the traits you've identified, also take a note of your test scores. It might also be useful to say you've finally found some people who accept and make you feel comfortable, and they're on the NAS website. It takes one to know one!

    Lastly, don't play down your experiences - if anything, enhance them. You may not yet realise just how much you have been impeded in the past, just because of the way you see and deal with things.

    I so hope that some of this is making sense to you, and in the meantime, welcome to the family

  • It's nice to hear your thoughts.

    I am considering seeking a formal diagnosis, although this is all still very new to me. I want to have a clearer idea in my head as to whether I have AS before I bother my GP. Possibly another symptom of AS is the fact that as soon as I started considering it, I immediately started obsessing over it? I've been reading up on it for days now. I don't want to tell people I have it incase the doctor thinks I don't - I've told one of my closest friends and he didn't dismiss it the way I thought people would.

    But realising that I might have AS has made it easier for me to identify areas where I need to be more focussed. Like being more careful with what other people are saying, thinking and meaning. I think sometimes people try to say things subtly and expect me to understand, but I realise now that I need to ask people for clarification, I'm not able to read between the lines.

    I don't consider myself to have a photogaphic like yours, and my short term memory isn't particulary great. But I can replay things in my head and remember conversations word for word. Usually to the surprise of the other people involved as they don't remember the things they said, but I do.

    For example, I can recall events from my summer holiday last year with an amazing degree of detail, not just generally feelings I had - which is great because I had such an amazing time I can always "go there" and it cheers me up. But on the downside, I also remember sadder times (like the falling out with my friend that I mentioned). I guess it's as much a curse as a gift. But I'm not surprised that these memories stick in my head as they were such important things to me.

    But I have no explanation why I have other non-interesting memories that I do, and why some stuff doesn't stick. It would have been really helpful if I could have stored school lessons so I could have passed more exams.

  • Hi bryan. Well, you've done your research and recognised some common traits there. I was interested in your memory. I'm subject to photographic memory, but I tend to think that my phonographic memory is stronger. Like you, I can recall random conversation, sometimes because they've hit one of my sensitive spots, just as often because it was important to be precise, and then there are some that were significant on a personal level. On this last one, I've usually got a 'film' to go with it, or a series of detailed pictures.

    We often say on here, that we understand the range of traits, but that we are also each a complex mix of traits - their effect on any particular individual can go from powerful to near absence. For instance, although you don't think of yourself as 'clumsy', you may still occasionally have a 'clumsy' moment but not recognise it as such. Personaly, moving from room to room can be hazardous.

    Whilst you're considering this, have you also thought about seeking a formal diagnosis?