Hi,
I'm probably covering more than one "topic" here, so sorry if there's a lot here!
I am a single parent with 2 boys, 14 and 12. Although I work in post-14 education, often with students with ASD, I am really struggling with my own situation! Also, there is very minimal contact from the children's dad, and he is certainly not on the scene as far as helping with any of this. His sole contribution has been to tell the eldest that if he didn't go back to school he would get expelled. Brilliant...
My 14 year old son has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. So far I've had a verbal diagnosis from the CAMHS educational psychiatrist - 2 months ago. Is there an average wait-time before the written diagnosis comes through? We're in Leicestershire, by the way. I've chased it several times, and the Attendance Improvement Officer has also requested it on my behalf (cleverly disguised between the lines as a form where they obviously didn't believe my reasons for my son to have not been in school for over a year).
Something has been "different" about him for about 10 years, and I have had plenty of meetings with different sencos during his school life. Usually they have said that they have to use strategies with him, but its nothing they cannot handle.
In year 5 he walked out of school over a minor conflict with a member of staff. Thankfully, because the school "lost control of him" that led to him being assessed by an educational psychologist, who concluded there were ASD traits, but not enough for a statement.
Before he started high school I briefed the senco there about his history, and they promised support would be put in place from day one. After 3 weeks, with him having been involved in several fights at and after school, and after hitting me in the street, I spoke to the senco again. They assured me that "oh yes, I've done all the paperwork, ready to put the support in place". Again, brilliant, not.
The support they then put in was LSA's "buddying" him during class tutorials; in front of his peers. Strangely, he was reluctant to make use of that "support". They also gave him 2 courses of counselling - he thought that was to do with managing stress over doing homework, and was just left confused by it.
Towards the end of year 8 things really started unravelling for him, and he missed the last fortnight. He cut himself off from people he'd known there and refused to go back in year 9. Although people suggested he may have been bullied, I have not managed to pinpoint anything beyond what he normally perceived - he'd just had enough of putting up with things.
During years 7 and 8 he was on School Action Plus, but strangely enough they have still not given me a copy of his IEP, although I put in several written requests for it to his Head of Year and the senco. His headmaster at that school told me that the only thing wrong with my son was that he needed to learn to manage his anger.
Once my son started school refusing in September 2010 our gp referred him to CAMHS. I also rang the educational psychologist (not the one who had seen him in year 5) in despair. They said they would make a referral to the school anxiety team, but that didn't materialise. The ed psych visited us at home, but my son refused to meet them. The one positive thing they said was that anything I try to get him to do, he has to feel he has control of the situation.
He refused to attend the first CAMHS appointment in January this year - I went alone and gave them a history. The second appointment was in May this year, and was at their insistence a home visit. They told me (and him, through his barricaded bedroom door) that they could and would "bundle him into a car to take him to the hospital school". This scared the sh*t out of me and left me more than a little alienated. I requested that they refrain from intervening, and allow him to build up to making a fresh start at a new school in year 10. We had no help with that process, other than a meeting with the transition person at the school.
It took a great deal of persuasion from me to get him to see CAMHS in September of this year. 2 weeks later I got the verbal diagnosis of Aspergers. Although they are still due to give me the written diagnosis, and refer him to Autism Outreach, my son does not want CAMHS involved any further. He has had enough of "professional" intervention, and of feeling let down by school system.
At the beginning of 2011 Attendance Improvement did a CAF for him - it was decided that none of the professionals could help him, and we were directed to go the statementing route.
I requested a Statement - and had some fantastic help doing the paperwork from Parent Partnership. He had not at that time seen the CAMHS psychiatrist or the current educational psychologist, so there was deemed to be insufficient evidence. We have a Note in Lieu outlining his support requirements. Presumably, I have to wait until I get the written diagnosis I can appeal for a Statement?
Which brings us to school refusal. I've read a lot of stuff online about this, mostly with parents giving up and going the home education route just to get the attendance improvement people off their backs. I nearly gave in and de-registered him last week, but have been talked out of it by MenPhys and several friends, as this would increase my son's social isolation.
He is currently registered in year 10 at a new school - our system in this area is years 7, 8 and 9 at high school, then moving to another school for year 10 onwards. By the start of term this September, it had become a non-starter, and he was violent both to me and his brother. I have also been threatened or pushed around before - I know better than to let him get in a situation where he feels cornered. He missed the first 2 days, then I managed to get him in on day 3 to meet the senco and the attendance officer. He went in the next day on a reduced timetable and seemed to enjoy it, although had a few days where he wouldn't go. He got as far as day 6.
During this time I had to get signed off work by the gp with "acute reaction to stress". I spent that fortnight ferrying my son to and from school by taxi, and building him up to travelling independently by bus. i wasn't up to doing anything else. Work were not too understanding - despite working within student support, disabilities, etc. It seemed from researching it online I had no rights to time off other than for family emergencies, as he doesn't have a statement.
On day 6 a teacher issued him with a detention, he walked out, and has refused to go back ever since. Today I found out that they do not have a record of the detention on the system. Strange - as I found out about the detention from the school texting me, and it being confirmed on the phone by 2 people, one of whom was the senco!
I am currently wrangling with the senco to get appropriate support put in place, so that I can try to get him back there. On reflection they did not support him, beyond giving him one key person to touch base with. This person was often tied up on other business and unavailable. I feel it was very much a case of "phew, that's another one ticked off the non-attenders' list." We are going to a meeting with the school later this week.
The school have told me they need to have his written diagnosis before they can do anything, and when I requested 1:1 support for the particular times he has difficulty with they couldn't make any commitment. Do I have any rights to make requests for proper, appropriate support at this stage?
Any help, advice, pointers in the right direction appreciated! Or feel free to just join me in sticking the boot into a totally inadequate system)
Thanks for reading!