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Help with a suicidal son

netty24

I am hoping there is somebody reading this who can help me to help my son.  He is 23 years old and is awaiting assessment for Aspergers.  He was different from birth, being extremely clingy and distressed all the time.  Problems persisted throughout childhood and teenage years, but as a very protective mother, I always worked around these difficulties and made things easier on him believing he was just a sensitive, shy, under-confident boy.  Since the age of 16 yrs things have steadily deteriorated and he has been on anti-depressants and anti anxiety medication since then.  It has taken me years to get him to engage with services to get to the bottom of things which didn't go well, but in the past year he has become desperate and suicidal.  For the first time he has been able to express his feelings, thoughts and emotions which now make sense to me, but as a mother I have been very slow to get on to the complication of his life and what a daily struggle he has.  One of the worst problems is that he has social phobia as well and finds it difficult to deal with people on many levels.  As a result, he is restricted in life, unable to work, educate himself, socialise, do sports etc.  He rarely goes out and even at home, contact with others is restricted.  He has frequent 'melt downs' for the slightest thing.  He is extremely anxious, depressed and suicidal.  He is begging me to let him go - he doesn't want to live any more and does not feel he can continue with his life in a world he does not want to be part of.  Through persistence, I got him referrred to a psychiatrist and he is currently undergoing assessment for psychology as well as waiting for the Aspergers Assessment.  It is a slow process.  His medication, Carbamezapine, Martazapine and intermittent tranquillisers are not helping any more.  The only thing that helps is smoking pot (which she stopped a while ago) because it calms his rushing brain and gives him some respite, but it is unaffordable, not least illegal.   Having read up on Aspergers, it is clear to me that he has many of the traits. 

I would like to know if anyone else has experience with a suicidal child, what treatments there are for Aspergers, what other things may help - anything I can do to help alleviate my son's condition - is there light at the end of this bleak tunnel?  His suicide is not an option for me, though I know I cannot control and watch over him.  He wants me and the family to accept this as an inevetability and allow him to go without guilt of what this will do to us.  I am desperate with worry - can anybody help?  Many thanks for reading my long email. x

  • Hi,

    I just wanted to add to advice that I provided yesterday. Please make sure that you contact your GP if you are feeling suicidal or call 111 outside of normal GP hours. If you are in immediate crisis then you should call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. If you would like to speak to someone impartial, then you can phone the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or 116 123 (Republic of Ireland). It is also possible to email our helpline if you feel unable to phone and this can be done on autismhelpline@nas.org.uk. If anyone is worried about anything please don't hesitate to contact us.

  • Hi Netty. Everything you describe reminds me both of me, and my ASD. I hope you're following the good advice, so just wanted to add a word of support.

    Please let your boy know that he's doing just what I did at that age, and for the same reasons, and I understand perfectly that I'm not the same at all, no-one understands his pain, and he just wants it to end.

    I was 59 before anyone ended my pain - it wasn't medication, it was the ASD diagnosis followed by talking on here with the community I'd always been looking for.

    With much love for you both Sealed

  • Hi everyone,

    I just wanted to say that if you are having issues with feeling suicidal then please do exactly as Coogybear recommends and contact our helpline http://www.autism.org.uk/helpline Also there are charities such as the Samaritans and discussing your feelings with your GP is a good idea. If any more advice/support is needed please don't hesitate to contact us.

  • Hi netty 24,

    I have been suicidal in the past and also have had racing thoughts, that wouldn't allow me to communicate how I felt - I just felt suicidal.  I take antidepressants and antipsychotics, which help to slow down my thoughts.  It is possible to get through this, but even with medication I occasionally try to commit suicide.  I feel sorry for you having to look on.  As he is on medication are you in contact with the local mental health team?  I assume that you are.  I think you need to contact them and say how he is feeling, it is urgent at the time.  Do take care of yourself as well.

    M.

  • I'd strongly reccommend you contact the NAS helpline, to get some advice & support for your son.

    Expressions of a desire to take ones own life when you are on the spectrum, is often described as catastrophising. Although, I'm aware your son doesn't have a diagnosis.

    Catastrophising is when an individual is so overwhelmed, that they just want the noise to stop and express it with threats of wanting life to end. This does not mean that the threat is not real however, it's a clear indication that your son is at his capacity in his ability to cope, so his threats must be treated as genuine and a reflection of how he feels at the time, but they must also be treated with sensitivity & he should be afforded a safe environment in which to discuss his feelings.

    As a person that has been at the precipice many times myself (I am now diagnosed with ASD traits) and as the sister of a sibbling that actualy succeeded in taking his own life (undiagnosed but; to me, clearly on the spectrum) all i can do is express my understanding of how difficult these situations are.

    I'm respectful of your suspicions, but even if your son does not get the diagnosis you suspect, I hope he gets the support he truly needs.

    take care,

    C. x

  • Ok my son is only 8, but we quite frequently get i want to kill myself, or i am going to kill myself and then he will proceed to try and do something,which is where i stop him and sort things out.

    However your son is older and i presume you cant always be there,  i was told by someone that when they get like this or when they are kicking off where they can hurt someone, you can phone the police and ambulance and get them emergency mental health help, so i dont know if that is any good to you, however if he does suceed........................................

    I am sorry its not more but thats what i would do now.