Adult daughter refuses diagnosis

I understand your concerns at 60 about your daughter getting the right support in case you are not able to be as supportive.

Autistic spectrum can change over time, but it would usually have shown other characteristics in the past. You may have overlooked these previously and only noticed them now, but it isn't something you catch - it is there from early on. It is due to actual difficulties making it harder to compete in an NT world.

This is important because for a diagnosis they will ask for evidence of development milestones in early childhood, issues in school etc. If she was fine at school, and didn't have any obvious difficulties at infancy, the assessors may consider other factors.

Particularly autistic spectrum tends to show up at transitions - starting primary school, beginning of teens and peer pressure in teenage years, going from school to college/university, because it involves change, and people on the spectrum don't have good social referencing, so have more trouble with such changes. That said it can differ between individuals, and if she went through with a close group of friends supporting her, she may have managed transitions OK.

Autistic spectrum in girls/women is less readily picked up, because people make inappropriate assumptions about girl's growing up, and girls seem more successful at hiding things, but you ought to have seen some indications, even if put down to other reasons. An assessor is likely to ask about this.

Just confrontational without other indicators could have other causes. As classic codger has introduced things like sensory overload and bottlenecks in coping with external factors tend to produce pressure points. But this would have happened in the past, even though current circumstances make it more obvious.

You give some valid AS traits, but some of these can be characteristic of any young adult trying to assert their own individual perceptions. Interactive conversation in autistic spectrum contexts arises due to not being able to read social cues (or generate the right non-verbal information for others to read). Someone on the spectrum would have real difficulties keeping up with conversations, getting tired quickly, and having to guess where conversations are going. Not being able to hold a meaningful interactive conversation could be down to a difficulty relating to the people engaging with her in conversation, or an indifference to the subject matter. Is she comfortable chatting to her peers, but not with older people? Someone on the spectrum wouldn't be doing well with own age group but might seem to be OK with older or younger, where the difficulty might be put down to age difference.

Not willing to experiment with new ideas might be due to things like focus and change, but on its own that doesn't sound like sufficient indication. And wanting to go to the same places every time could be a preference for routines, but might just be an indication of narrow preferences.

Autistic spectrum tends to affect people throughout their lives. It isn't the obvious choice to explain someone who changes personality "out of the blue", unless it is reflected in less obvious similar behaviours in the past.

I understand your concerns at 60 about your daughter getting the right support in case you are not able to be as supportive.

Autistic spectrum can change over time, but it would usually have shown other characteristics in the past. You may have overlooked these previously and only noticed them now, but it isn't something you catch - it is there from early on. It is due to actual difficulties making it harder to compete in an NT world.

This is important because for a diagnosis they will ask for evidence of development milestones in early childhood, issues in school etc. If she was fine at school, and didn't have any obvious difficulties at infancy, the assessors may consider other factors.

Particularly autistic spectrum tends to show up at transitions - starting primary school, beginning of teens and peer pressure in teenage years, going from school to college/university, because it involves change, and people on the spectrum don't have good social referencing, so have more trouble with such changes. That said it can differ between individuals, and if she went through with a close group of friends supporting her, she may have managed transitions OK.

Autistic spectrum in girls/women is less readily picked up, because people make inappropriate assumptions about girl's growing up, and girls seem more successful at hiding things, but you ought to have seen some indications, even if put down to other reasons. An assessor is likely to ask about this.

Just confrontational without other indicators could have other causes. As classic codger has introduced things like sensory overload and bottlenecks in coping with external factors tend to produce pressure points. But this would have happened in the past, even though current circumstances make it more obvious.

You give some valid AS traits, but some of these can be characteristic of any young adult trying to assert their own individual perceptions. Interactive conversation in autistic spectrum contexts arises due to not being able to read social cues (or generate the right non-verbal information for others to read). Someone on the spectrum would have real difficulties keeping up with conversations, getting tired quickly, and having to guess where conversations are going. Not being able to hold a meaningful interactive conversation could be down to a difficulty relating to the people engaging with her in conversation, or an indifference to the subject matter. Is she comfortable chatting to her peers, but not with older people? Someone on the spectrum wouldn't be doing well with own age group but might seem to be OK with older or younger, where the difficulty might be put down to age difference.

Not willing to experiment with new ideas might be due to things like focus and change, but on its own that doesn't sound like sufficient indication. And wanting to go to the same places every time could be a preference for routines, but might just be an indication of narrow preferences.

Autistic spectrum tends to affect people throughout their lives. It isn't the obvious choice to explain someone who changes personality "out of the blue", unless it is reflected in less obvious similar behaviours in the past.