Adult daughter refuses diagnosis

Hello, I'm an AS person - welcome!

Let's start by assuming that your daughter has ASD. We generally agree amongst us that the terms Asperger's and 'high function' bear little relevance to our experiences. There are base line behaviours, effects etc that we all have in common, and it appears that, currently, we understand this much better than the Professionals. Either that or we just don't understand at all.

Many people are content to stop at a self-diagnosis and don't seek a professional assessment. We make no distinction, in fact we're happy to help those who simply wish to understand theirselves better. All are welcome here.

ASD is not an illness, it is not a disaster, and she doesn't need your over concern, quite the reverse. I know it's difficult with your own kids, but try to relax and back away a little just now whilst you gather information about the condition. Honestly, it WILL help - all of you. ASD is a difference that we all share. It brings with it rewards and difficulties, but the key is to accept her as she is.

The first thing you should understand is that if you keep banging on at her, you will drive her inside herself and you are doing great harm when you think you are trying to help. Sounds counter-intuitive I know, but often that's how it works. If you spend time on here seeking information you'll get the idea. You might also find it useful to describe her behaviours to us, and we will try to help you understand.

Her perception of ASD may be that you're trying to call her names - she'll be very sensitive to that, far more than an NT. Better to tread not at all than to tread carefully, if she's AS, you'll still be wrong. In fact, anything you do or say will be wrong, especially if she is particularly hypersensitive at the moment.

You'll get a range of views and ideas to choose from, but for the moment my best advice would be for you to back away, try not to intrude on her more than necessary, gather your information, and when you improve your understanding of the condition, and bearing in mind that you know her better than she knows herself, we can try to help you move things along.

Many of us have suffered through late diagnosis, and your daughter may very well be living in a state that we understand extremely well, but she won't. If she can bear to look, we're here for ALL of you.

Do use the Helpline, other parents will help you too on here, and try not to fret. Easy to say I know, but please, for your own sakes, do your best. Your love and concern for your daughter is obvious, and we respect that.

Also, watch out for Longman - he'll be along presently and he's well worth listening to!

All the best

Hello, I'm an AS person - welcome!

Let's start by assuming that your daughter has ASD. We generally agree amongst us that the terms Asperger's and 'high function' bear little relevance to our experiences. There are base line behaviours, effects etc that we all have in common, and it appears that, currently, we understand this much better than the Professionals. Either that or we just don't understand at all.

Many people are content to stop at a self-diagnosis and don't seek a professional assessment. We make no distinction, in fact we're happy to help those who simply wish to understand theirselves better. All are welcome here.

ASD is not an illness, it is not a disaster, and she doesn't need your over concern, quite the reverse. I know it's difficult with your own kids, but try to relax and back away a little just now whilst you gather information about the condition. Honestly, it WILL help - all of you. ASD is a difference that we all share. It brings with it rewards and difficulties, but the key is to accept her as she is.

The first thing you should understand is that if you keep banging on at her, you will drive her inside herself and you are doing great harm when you think you are trying to help. Sounds counter-intuitive I know, but often that's how it works. If you spend time on here seeking information you'll get the idea. You might also find it useful to describe her behaviours to us, and we will try to help you understand.

Her perception of ASD may be that you're trying to call her names - she'll be very sensitive to that, far more than an NT. Better to tread not at all than to tread carefully, if she's AS, you'll still be wrong. In fact, anything you do or say will be wrong, especially if she is particularly hypersensitive at the moment.

You'll get a range of views and ideas to choose from, but for the moment my best advice would be for you to back away, try not to intrude on her more than necessary, gather your information, and when you improve your understanding of the condition, and bearing in mind that you know her better than she knows herself, we can try to help you move things along.

Many of us have suffered through late diagnosis, and your daughter may very well be living in a state that we understand extremely well, but she won't. If she can bear to look, we're here for ALL of you.

Do use the Helpline, other parents will help you too on here, and try not to fret. Easy to say I know, but please, for your own sakes, do your best. Your love and concern for your daughter is obvious, and we respect that.

Also, watch out for Longman - he'll be along presently and he's well worth listening to!

All the best