Involvement of family- adult diagnosis

Hello,

Sorry I haven't replied, time seems to have passed incredibly quickly of late and I didn't receive any notifications of responses and forgot to check.  

Yes, I very much hope for a diagnosis.  It seems to make so much sense of everything that has ever happened to me, and the way that I am (as you also mention).  I know really that whether or not I have a formal diagnosis that I certainly have traits, and I suppose in some ways that is enough to help me to progress using books etc on the subject.  In other ways though I would like to have a diagnosis to see if there is any related help available, and also I may decide to disclose this to family.

I am glad to be able to help you to understand how your sister was.  Yes it is very interesting to read about your experiences and debate the ins and outs    It also helps a great deal to read about other people who have had similar experiences, to make me feel less lonely in my struggle to understand myself.

I see what you mean about little boys, and for some reason find this easier to understand than girls actually.  I think that some girls can look after others, who are perhaps less socially able than themselves, and may 'mother' them.  I had a best friend throughout childhood who was more like a sister to me, as we had a very intense friendship.  When we got older we began to argue a lot and eventually drifted apart, but remained friends and she often included me socially as we got older as she was able to socialise very well.  Therefore I was able to create a few good friendships mostly through this, and learned skills from her too.  I never really felt part of a group as such, and so when I was without a best friend in my later childhood, I began to feel depressed.  Sorry but I am not sure apart from this about other girls, I wish I could be of more help.

I think that you are right, girls are much more open about their emotions generally, and actually I managed to sustain friendships despite talking at great length about my feelings and anxieties, which was something my friends didn't seem to mind, as perhaps many angst-ridden teenage girls do this anyway (excuse me if this isn't clear, I am not sure how best to phrase it). 

In terms of camouflage tactics, it is hard to say as I don't remember very well and a lot of how I felt just feels like a black hole in my past, but I will try to say what I can.  I was told to smile to show that I was happy (which I wasn't!) and to make eye contact.  So I tried to do this.  I can't imagine this would have looked natural, so perhaps a telltale sign to an expert.  A lot of the time I just stayed quiet, as I learned that it was sometimes easier.  I can't remember that well but I think I have learned to apologise for certain behaviours without really understanding why (something I still do now or apologise inappropriately and someone points this out).  I still have gaps in empathy now when I feel delayed 'learned' responses that are not automatic or inappropriate for context (eg. not saying the right thing and then rethinking and going back to correct this, apologising), but again I can't remember from childhood but imagine this may have been the case.  I now have what is apparently a convincing act, based on a childhood friend that I admire, which works superficially for a short while to convince people I am 'ok'.  I actually learned to imitate her gestures and learned when to smile from her, but only recently recognised this in myself.  I was very disinterested in my appearance as a teenager, and looked quite androgynous until I was picked on for this and began to copy what others did.  The androgynous image I had is nothing like how I present myself now, again in an attempt to make myself more socially acceptable and squash the 'old me'.  I think girls are very good at imitating to try to be social, in many different ways, and people like me who had a few friends were able to get advice on this.  I imagine this is not so for boys.

I am not sure if this answers your question.  I look forward to any further responses.

Thanks

Hello,

Sorry I haven't replied, time seems to have passed incredibly quickly of late and I didn't receive any notifications of responses and forgot to check.  

Yes, I very much hope for a diagnosis.  It seems to make so much sense of everything that has ever happened to me, and the way that I am (as you also mention).  I know really that whether or not I have a formal diagnosis that I certainly have traits, and I suppose in some ways that is enough to help me to progress using books etc on the subject.  In other ways though I would like to have a diagnosis to see if there is any related help available, and also I may decide to disclose this to family.

I am glad to be able to help you to understand how your sister was.  Yes it is very interesting to read about your experiences and debate the ins and outs    It also helps a great deal to read about other people who have had similar experiences, to make me feel less lonely in my struggle to understand myself.

I see what you mean about little boys, and for some reason find this easier to understand than girls actually.  I think that some girls can look after others, who are perhaps less socially able than themselves, and may 'mother' them.  I had a best friend throughout childhood who was more like a sister to me, as we had a very intense friendship.  When we got older we began to argue a lot and eventually drifted apart, but remained friends and she often included me socially as we got older as she was able to socialise very well.  Therefore I was able to create a few good friendships mostly through this, and learned skills from her too.  I never really felt part of a group as such, and so when I was without a best friend in my later childhood, I began to feel depressed.  Sorry but I am not sure apart from this about other girls, I wish I could be of more help.

I think that you are right, girls are much more open about their emotions generally, and actually I managed to sustain friendships despite talking at great length about my feelings and anxieties, which was something my friends didn't seem to mind, as perhaps many angst-ridden teenage girls do this anyway (excuse me if this isn't clear, I am not sure how best to phrase it). 

In terms of camouflage tactics, it is hard to say as I don't remember very well and a lot of how I felt just feels like a black hole in my past, but I will try to say what I can.  I was told to smile to show that I was happy (which I wasn't!) and to make eye contact.  So I tried to do this.  I can't imagine this would have looked natural, so perhaps a telltale sign to an expert.  A lot of the time I just stayed quiet, as I learned that it was sometimes easier.  I can't remember that well but I think I have learned to apologise for certain behaviours without really understanding why (something I still do now or apologise inappropriately and someone points this out).  I still have gaps in empathy now when I feel delayed 'learned' responses that are not automatic or inappropriate for context (eg. not saying the right thing and then rethinking and going back to correct this, apologising), but again I can't remember from childhood but imagine this may have been the case.  I now have what is apparently a convincing act, based on a childhood friend that I admire, which works superficially for a short while to convince people I am 'ok'.  I actually learned to imitate her gestures and learned when to smile from her, but only recently recognised this in myself.  I was very disinterested in my appearance as a teenager, and looked quite androgynous until I was picked on for this and began to copy what others did.  The androgynous image I had is nothing like how I present myself now, again in an attempt to make myself more socially acceptable and squash the 'old me'.  I think girls are very good at imitating to try to be social, in many different ways, and people like me who had a few friends were able to get advice on this.  I imagine this is not so for boys.

I am not sure if this answers your question.  I look forward to any further responses.

Thanks