Involvement of family- adult diagnosis

Hi Belles, I'm back in the room. Before I go on, could I ask you to take a look at my entry in the thread about suicide risk in abler adults?

I totally understand why you are anxious about your assessment, but I honestly can't see a reason for you to be. Even without a family member, your condition can be assessed, and you aren't likely to adopt any camouflage tactics that will hamper the process. It's already a known quantity that they will take into account.

Wow, you said a lot back there, I was absorbed by it. What got me mostly was just how close and alike our experiences are. Appreciating that you're still undiagnosed, it was like reading a post from someone who has already been identified as ASD, and I respect your opinions as such.

I understand how it is for you, because I too have experienced the welter of unanswered questions we create for ourselves when we start trying to make sense of anything. I think that your diagnosis will be affirmative, and will lay many of those questions to rest.

You seem to be anxious for a positive diagnosis, so I guess that you've already read enough to identify yourself. I felt like that too, once I was pointed in the direction. It suddenly struck me that here at last could be an explanation for everything I've ever experienced, felt, thought about and processed, and yes, it has been.

The funny thing is, I thought that the diagnosis would be an end, but it was actually the start. Of me.

My sister was an artist, never very good at sustaining relationships, preferred to exist in her own, totally controlled and idealised environment, and you've made me reappraise everything I remember about her in light of what you say. People often mistook us for twins, we were alike in EVERY way. In fact, we were the only two people in our world who could talk to each other, and we were very close. Please don't be surprised if I say that talking with you is like talking with her. It's kind of nice for me, so I hope you're getting something out of it too

So we come back to the question, why aren't girls so easy to diagnose?

Little boys start competing at an early age. When boys form a group, they have a common aim. Each member understands the benefits of working as a team to pursue an aim, but each one wants to be the one who beats the others to it. It might be hunting and killing animals for food, and the competition is to be the one to kill it. it might be working as a football team, the competition is to be the one to score the winning goal. War is like this too, it's the testosterone. It's quite a linear process.

Little girls start co-operating in a different way. You are better placed than I am to say what it is, because you know what the group dynamics are, I don't. It seems to me, though, that the aims of a group of girls are different, that the process looks like a spiderweb, and that winning the competition requires a much more subtle approach based on a far more patient strategy. You can help me here.

Now, in describing yourself, you seem to understand that this was going on but you didn't quite have the exposure within the group so were able to adopt a fairly successful camouflage.

For my part, most of my camouflage has been to mask the depression, anxiety, powerlessness, feeling victimised, abused and neglected. These are the more 'emotional' effects that boys don't like to display, but that girls are more likely to be open about.

If we stipulate that ASD boys' and girls' experiences of the condition are the same, then can I suggest that perhaps the best way to 'spot' an ASD girl is to be able to spot the camouflage tactics. So I have to ask you if you think that, looking back, you could say that there were some things that you did that, if seen by a trained observer, might indicate an adopted ASD camouflage tactic?

Or are we asking the wrong questions.

Hi Belles, I'm back in the room. Before I go on, could I ask you to take a look at my entry in the thread about suicide risk in abler adults?

I totally understand why you are anxious about your assessment, but I honestly can't see a reason for you to be. Even without a family member, your condition can be assessed, and you aren't likely to adopt any camouflage tactics that will hamper the process. It's already a known quantity that they will take into account.

Wow, you said a lot back there, I was absorbed by it. What got me mostly was just how close and alike our experiences are. Appreciating that you're still undiagnosed, it was like reading a post from someone who has already been identified as ASD, and I respect your opinions as such.

I understand how it is for you, because I too have experienced the welter of unanswered questions we create for ourselves when we start trying to make sense of anything. I think that your diagnosis will be affirmative, and will lay many of those questions to rest.

You seem to be anxious for a positive diagnosis, so I guess that you've already read enough to identify yourself. I felt like that too, once I was pointed in the direction. It suddenly struck me that here at last could be an explanation for everything I've ever experienced, felt, thought about and processed, and yes, it has been.

The funny thing is, I thought that the diagnosis would be an end, but it was actually the start. Of me.

My sister was an artist, never very good at sustaining relationships, preferred to exist in her own, totally controlled and idealised environment, and you've made me reappraise everything I remember about her in light of what you say. People often mistook us for twins, we were alike in EVERY way. In fact, we were the only two people in our world who could talk to each other, and we were very close. Please don't be surprised if I say that talking with you is like talking with her. It's kind of nice for me, so I hope you're getting something out of it too

So we come back to the question, why aren't girls so easy to diagnose?

Little boys start competing at an early age. When boys form a group, they have a common aim. Each member understands the benefits of working as a team to pursue an aim, but each one wants to be the one who beats the others to it. It might be hunting and killing animals for food, and the competition is to be the one to kill it. it might be working as a football team, the competition is to be the one to score the winning goal. War is like this too, it's the testosterone. It's quite a linear process.

Little girls start co-operating in a different way. You are better placed than I am to say what it is, because you know what the group dynamics are, I don't. It seems to me, though, that the aims of a group of girls are different, that the process looks like a spiderweb, and that winning the competition requires a much more subtle approach based on a far more patient strategy. You can help me here.

Now, in describing yourself, you seem to understand that this was going on but you didn't quite have the exposure within the group so were able to adopt a fairly successful camouflage.

For my part, most of my camouflage has been to mask the depression, anxiety, powerlessness, feeling victimised, abused and neglected. These are the more 'emotional' effects that boys don't like to display, but that girls are more likely to be open about.

If we stipulate that ASD boys' and girls' experiences of the condition are the same, then can I suggest that perhaps the best way to 'spot' an ASD girl is to be able to spot the camouflage tactics. So I have to ask you if you think that, looking back, you could say that there were some things that you did that, if seen by a trained observer, might indicate an adopted ASD camouflage tactic?

Or are we asking the wrong questions.