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Advice needed please!!

Lovemyson

Hi all please bear with me as I am new to this. My little boy is nearly 5 and we have recently had him assessed as from a young age we have had issues with his behaviour, these being aggression, anxiety, sleep issues, sensory issues and such like. We recently had him assessed and felt like it was a waste of our time. We are so exhausted and feel our little one is becoming worse. He is very bossy, cheeky, defiant, aggressive and it takes over our lives at times. He doesn't really like going anywhere and has major meltdowns if he is asked to do anything such as brush teeth, get dressed etc. He is very articulate and clever, always has been. His speech is amazing and people always say it's like having a conversation with an adult not a child, they have also said he is a Jekyll n Hyde character!!

At school he's well behaved, does at times appear anxious and flaps hands, took him a long time to make friends and can be bossy and dominant with others. He is doing extremely well at school with his learning and the teacher has said he is high expectant and with a push can be an achiever. At school he doesn't appear too bad but at home he's a nightmare!! He also rocks, paces, goes from one activity to another, repeats things over and over, appears deaf at times and likes structure. There are many other things I could say, as many of you would know but these are just a few of the things my son goes through most days. 

When we had him assessed the Paediatrician said he has high anxiety issues and hyperlexia. I didn't even know what hyperlexia was till I looked it up. I do not understand as when I read his it states it can be related to autism/Aspergers but the paediatrician told us he does not have autism due to his language skills and his empathy. I am at a total loss but have been told that we are discharged and no longer need to be seen. My little boy however, continues to find things difficult and us as parents are exhausted and need help. Anyone else been in the same boat??? Any advice would be so helpful!! 

Parents

  • Hi Lovemyson and welcome. Your son sounds just like my daughter was when young. I don't know much about diagnosis etc, but I did have some strategies for living in peace.

    First of all, be thankful that he behaves well at school, it is excellent when they keep their worst behaviour for home really, even if it doesn't win you much sympathy. Problems away from home are a nightmare.

    Re behaviour at home, we followed a nonconfrontational approach. Persuasion, try explaining dental hygeine. Get the dentist to talk to him about it, if he will go. Try breathing in his face with some smelly morning breath after curry or garlic. Tell him teeth can decay, without being too scary. Let him choose and buy a new tooth brush and tooth paste.

    He is probably still young enough to bluff. When my daughter refused a wide variety of foods, I sat her at the table and gave her nothing one day. My husband and I sat and ate our meals, and I just said "you wouldn't like this". She was much younger, but she stole some of ours and stopped being so difficult for a while.

    If you want him to do something, don't let him see it is important, because he can use it to manipulate you, or punish you. He is intelligent, but still only five, so while it may seem harsh to say he is manipulating you, he is but a baby and needs to learn that this is wrong, slowly. He needs to be carefuly outmanipulated, without him finding out. I discovered that I am Autistic too, so maybe it came naturally to me.

    He will possibly always do what he wants to do, so school work can suffer, along with many other aspects of life. He needs motivating.

    Good luck, and do let us know how you get on.Smile

Reply

  • Hi Lovemyson and welcome. Your son sounds just like my daughter was when young. I don't know much about diagnosis etc, but I did have some strategies for living in peace.

    First of all, be thankful that he behaves well at school, it is excellent when they keep their worst behaviour for home really, even if it doesn't win you much sympathy. Problems away from home are a nightmare.

    Re behaviour at home, we followed a nonconfrontational approach. Persuasion, try explaining dental hygeine. Get the dentist to talk to him about it, if he will go. Try breathing in his face with some smelly morning breath after curry or garlic. Tell him teeth can decay, without being too scary. Let him choose and buy a new tooth brush and tooth paste.

    He is probably still young enough to bluff. When my daughter refused a wide variety of foods, I sat her at the table and gave her nothing one day. My husband and I sat and ate our meals, and I just said "you wouldn't like this". She was much younger, but she stole some of ours and stopped being so difficult for a while.

    If you want him to do something, don't let him see it is important, because he can use it to manipulate you, or punish you. He is intelligent, but still only five, so while it may seem harsh to say he is manipulating you, he is but a baby and needs to learn that this is wrong, slowly. He needs to be carefuly outmanipulated, without him finding out. I discovered that I am Autistic too, so maybe it came naturally to me.

    He will possibly always do what he wants to do, so school work can suffer, along with many other aspects of life. He needs motivating.

    Good luck, and do let us know how you get on.Smile

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