Meds to take edge off Depression & Anxiety in a Teen

Shame you wrote me off without knowing the first thing about me.  I must be the only golf professional in the world with Aspergers. Officially anyway.

I am not an angry man, but suffer from social anxiety, and depresssion. Life isn't easy.

You seem to think you understand what it's like to be on the spectrum, and you do not even know me  personally, yet talk about my anger and animosity. You couldn't be further from the truth.

You seem to think I need advice from you? No.

All the best.

davidgolf47 i wish you well. It is difficult to continue the conversation when there is clearly a lot of animosity and anger you are trying to overcome.

I do understand the challenges you face. It is possible to live your life in a way that suits you and works for you. It is also possible to get help with extreme anxiety and depression. You do not need to just accept suffering with this for the rest of your life. There is help out there.

I think it best we end this conversation as it is no longer helping me and possibly not you either. I wish you well.

Hi, your reply was very interesting.

Also for the reason that you tell me about Autism and that everyone is different. Well having had it for 47 years now, I doubt I need to be told this. But it's always funny when an NT tells me about the Spectrum, and of course when you meet one person with Autism, you have met only one person with Autism.

Yet you have no idea about what I go through every day, no idea at all, i have major anxiety which prevents me from forming friendships or socialising as an NT can naturally.

Has your son got classic Autism? It sounds like he does, or is it Aspergers? But Autistics ar enot suffering from the Autism, more from the issues that go with it. I can say my anxiety affects my life, but that Autism makes me who I am.

I suffer every day, but people can not see it.now that's something I do not wish upon anyone

Thanks for your reply davidgolf47. I completely agree Autism is absolutely not an illness. My son has had a dx for 6 years now and my husband of 15 years, 18 months so I understand where you are coming from.

However these are not behaviour issues. This is suffering, painful, low quality of life where you have suicidal thoughts and you cannot go outside for phobias. OCD interferes with daily life causing him extreme stress. He is not in school and we have and do adapt and are completely open minded so we do stand out in society and do not care if this is what he needs. We flexi school when things are going well and he does not want to Home Ed. He cannot access self help strategies because he is ill with depression and anxiety is life long.

Autism can go hand in hand with anxiety but one is not an illness and the other is detrimental when at excessive unmanageable levels. When you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism and every one of us is unique and will experience anxiety at differing levels and in differing ways so I do not think we can presume to walk in someone else's shoes and know what is right for them. We can share our experiences though and let them draw their own conclusions. Perhaps you have been lucky enough to not have experienced this level of suffering. I hope so.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am against medication for those on the Spectrum. Autism is life-long, it's not an illness and there are no specific drugs for Autism.

The behavioural issues, anxiety levels, depression, etc... are all directly related and cause by  Autism itself. They go hand-in-hand with Aspergers,HFA, and other classic Autism, etc...

What's needed is support, the right lifestyle, the suitable surrounding, at home and also at work, medication can lead to health issues and long-term unknown effects.

A healthy balanced diet is paramount and a lifestyle that keeps the person at a healthy weight.

Professor Simon Baron-Cohen is also against drugs when it comes to Autism. He has inspired me, and his clinic diagnosed me two years ago.

That is wonderful to hear about his puppy.  I can relate to the retreat in the garden too.  Some people build a lodge in their garden as the teen gets older/a bit more able to be independant for the teen to stay in.

Would they let you save the respite time up for a night  or 2 away and the carer stay at your place? You so deserve and need a chance to recharge to maintain your own wellbeing too.

It is unbelievable how the government is making people with disabilities and their families suffer taking away their life line benefit. I really hope he keeps it and be sure fight for it. Sadly it always seems to be you only get it if you shout loud enough. Not a fair system at all.  

Sounds like the puppy and Fluoxetine are making a difference and great that he enjoys school.  Stay strong, you are doing an amazing job. :)

He is under the Children with Disabilities team which is shamefully small. We were only offered a social worker after my back injury. Before that we were turned away. The social worker has arranged 4 hours of respite per week (2x2hrs) for us with an extra 4 hours during holiday. The cost of our amazing respite carer is therefore funded by the state but not, of course, the cost of the activities he does. My husband, bless him, built a retreat in the garden last year because once you go out its time to come home! So now we have, what is effectively, a wooden cottage in the garden with a tv, armchairs, kettle etc. Lovely. Goodness knows what happens if he loses his disability benefits at 16 as so many high functioning youngsters are. 

Sadly we have tried just about all the good ideas that you have mentioned. I dont want to reduce his school hours because he is bright and is improving with his social communication with other children. He likes school.

Just another thought Mhairie. Last year he got a PAWS puppy. (Dogs for the Disabled). She has been a godsend in helping him to stay calm and especially effective when he is coming down off a meltdown.

So very hard for you all. There is always such a conflict of emotions and hard to not feel guilt whatever way you go.

Would he do some kind of physical exercise after school for a reward? Even if it is not ideal, i.e. Mars Bar, Fish and Chips, Money? I know a lot of people do not go down this route as they think it is bribary and they should do it on their own etc. but a Psychologist once explained it to me as the same as when we work and decide is the pay fair for the work and effort we would have to put in. The reward has to be meaningful enough to go through the discomfort, pain even of what is being asked of them. We paid my son to go on the trampoline for a spell. It did cost me a small fortune but he was healthier and happier for that time at least. As time went on he would stay on longer, not being paid as he began to relax and enjoy it and it became easier as he got fitter. Unfortunately Autumn/Winter scuppered that though. Just a thought.

Totally agree with you on the Criminal Justice system. It is starting to get some attention through campaigning but it is such a sad reflection on our country that so many people in prison have a special need.  I understand about no-one stepping in to help too and feeling isolated. It is so hard to explain to people that will only see the violent person and think the actions are intentional.  So you stop talking about it to friends and peers and then the disconnection as they do not understand the pressures you are under and why you do not go to their place for a meal, invite them back, invite friends to visit never mind stay etc., etc. These networks and if there are any family support groups on fb that may organise events I have found a source to keep your own sanity. Places where people totally understand what you are going through, all of you, and you do not feel you need to justify why you are under pressure or that you are doing the right thing despite society's detached and simplistic view of the situation. Anyway, I am ranting now...ha,ha. You are certainly not alone. Thousands of us are all doing our very best and keep learning to try and do even better. We just need to find each other so we can offer us all support together and make the changes that need to happen to give everyone a better quality of life. The Criminal Justice System being a good place to start.

Is there a local mental health support group? Perhaps they would be a good contact to find people that are trained to help in crisis situations i.e. when you grandson is struggling and may become violent. They could be an additional support or person to call?? Mind and Mindroom are good for confidential advice too. I am not saying your grandson has a mental health illness, more they may know how to access people with the skill set you would need to be calm, supportive and resilient at a time of crisis.  Hope that makes sense.  Or can you get a carer for respite via SDS and select them yourselves and get them training if necessary?  We are sort of going this route ourselves as they need a specialist skill set and personal attributes for it to work which can also mean a higher pay rate is needed and as you need consistency.

I really hope things improve and it is good the Fluoxetine is helping a bit.  Sometimes I think when you are in a situation that is different to society's "norm" you need to throw all the cards up in the air and let them land in a way that works for your unique situation not what anyone else expects.  

I really admire you all and thanks for sharing your story with me. :)

So each time we have had to call the police, it gets harder and harder to call them again because they will eventually arrest him. Life is hard enough for autistic adults without having a criminal record as well! The trouble is that if I am in on my own or my husband is incapacitated (we are in our 50s now), who the heck else do I call? There is nobody who will come when you are in the pressure cooker other than the police. The social workers can't respond to calls in our area and in any case their emergency phone isn't usually manned when I try to ring. We have no family nearby and no close friends anymore.

Funnily enough we are about to try a punch bag for the second time. We had one when he was smaller but he wouldn't use it. We bought a great big trampoline and had it in the garden for years...yet again he wouldn't use it. I think he needs to vent on something that gives him some response. His psychiatrist at CAMHS has now said that we are nearing the time when he will need much stronger medication.... Risperidone, which can have very nasty side effects. We are holding off on that for obvious reasons. When he is violent, its bad because he is getting bigger, however, since being on the Fluoxetine, the incidences have decreased markedly. He is now being visited by an officer from the Youth Offending Team...not because he is a bad lad but just as an attempt to stop the violence in the home. Calling the police is a frightening option..we have had to do it three times. The risk is that he will be arrested. Did you know that if an autistic child is over the age of criminal responsibility that they can be taken from the home against the parent's wishes and locked in a cell alone? There is no special sytem for them if they are arrested. Unbelievable.

Thanks Blossom59.

That sounds very, very hard and I hope things get better for you all. I am sure you have thought of all these things but incase it is of any use does he have a punch bag to release tension on or trampoline to bounce some of it out? A meaningful reward to use the trampoline when he gets home? Can he get a 1-1 tutor at home to reduce the frustration/coping that leads to violence? Reduced timetable? Or something from Dr to help him feel calmer at times where violence may be likely?  

I feel 99.9% sure you have thought of all this already.

How do you manage to feel some quality of life if you have such a high level of violence in the home on an ongoing basis? Do you get some respite?

I take my hat off to you as I know I could not maintain that on an ongoing basis. You sound like the most resilient and committed Grandparents I know. I really hope things improve for you all. You are certainly doing your absolute best for him.

Hugs

Hi Mhairi,

Although he appears to cope with his additional needs school pretty well its only because he has coping strategies to get him through. Unfortunately we are the safety valve at home. So anything that upsets him at school tends to get stored up and up until he is ready to explode. If he gets off the school transport with a face as black as thunder we know we are in for it because he will vent as soon as he gets in. Following getting told off by teachers or merely if a child says something he doesn't like has led to a serious level of violence and damage around the house. We have had a large pot of paint hurled down the stairs....it hit the stairwell, the lid flew off and we had paint on ceilings, walls, carpets, furniture etc. Thousands of pounds worth of damage. In 2011 he came home upset and attacked me, I had a slipped disc at the time from previous attacks. I twisted away to avoid another kick and ended up with cauda equina syndrome. Couldn't move my legs the next morning and all bodily functions below the waist gone...needed emergency surgery to resolve and I was lucky to not end up in a wheelchair.

That is not to say that these things don't arise from issues at home sometimes as well...they do frequently. If he wants something and he can't have it straight away he will lash out very quickly.

That's really helpful Blossom59. Do you mind me asking how he has coped with school or does is he Home Educated or Flexi school?  Do you feel being at school contirbutes to the anxiety and frustration/violence?

They are all different of course but so helpful to hear of boys that have been through similar experiences.

Many thanks

Hi Mhairi. Our grandson is 14 years old now (puberty with autism is No Fun!). He has been on the Fluoxetine for about a year now and we are seeing no noticable side effects.

Hi Blossom, thanks for commenting. Can i ask how long your grandson has been taking this med and how old he is? We have heard people say there are less side effects with this and it is milder than most meds. Thanks

Thanks Pose. It is really helpful

 to hear about your experience.

Our grandson is on Fluoxetine (Prozac) for anxiety. We hope it is working...he still goes through very bad patches but they are certainly much less frequent. He can be very aggressive and even violent with us but so far we have refused anything stronger for him.

hi there - for similar reasons, my son was prescribed trazadone (in liquid form) when he was 15 and has taken it for 6 years in varying doses and at various times of the day as prescribed by his GP with no apparent side effects.  Also helps with sleep.  We saw an improvement in him after two weeks.