DON'T KNOW WHERE TO TURN AND SCARED !!

Hello Mhairi,

Please don't apologise for venting here, I've done it many times and many have come forward with excellent suggestions to help me and my boys.

For us, CAMH's didn't identify my sons ASD. That was down to the private therapist we asked to see him, after CAMH's initial support and limited diagnosis.

I must admit, when our therapist mentioned Autism, I immediately rebuffed the suggestion. My perfect child could not possibly be Autistic. Even after his diagnosis through the consultant, I struggled with it. It's to my shame, that I struggled in denial for many years, but also with an innate sense that some of the strategies I'd employed for my life, would help my boys. If I'd been born a boy or done some research, I may also have seen some of the gender differences between boys and girls that would have made life so much easier for us all in the long run. I digress. (Water under the bridge, I guess.) My regret, my fault.

In my experience, those with ASD rarely get 'better' to a time scale or agenda. Trust and confidence in any therapist takes time for those on the spectrum to accomplish, so by the last session, that's normally only just established. CBT can be helpful for some, but it hasn't been for me. Psycotherapuetic Counselling has been the best, but a best fit for anyone on the spectrum Is about a good, personal,trusting fit with your therapist and an understanding of ASD. Choose carefully and if it does't work, don't give up, as I did. Move on and find what does work.

From what you say, It doesn't seem like your son has had a chance to come to terms fully with his diagnosis and also has issues, talking with others on the spectrum, which is sad. That's ok though. It's his life, his time and he needs to do that at his speed, but a good therapist can help him on that journey, when he's ready.

It's not all bad, I promise!

Do you have a local Autism hub for support, where he could perhaps meet others on the spectrum who he might feel better able to talk to?

Although, CAHM's may dismiss your son quickly, I reccommend you get outside support now, if you feel able. From what you say about your area, If they do drop him, someone your son is begining to get to know can be waiting in the wings to better support him and the sudden abandonment he may feel; (and that many restricted to timed, support, feel) can be lessened. Like I said, CAMH's can be great at looking at the core issues, but poor at long term support or solid reccommendations.

If you have other specific issues of concern, those too, can be looked at privately, but tend to be costly. Eg: Dyslexia, OT. etc. I had to dip into resources like the Mortgage to fund these, but the upshot was that you received an unbiased opinion of your childs needs that doesn't have an LA's expenditure agenda or post code lottery attached to the report. In my experience, private reccommendations are honest and always in the childs best interests at heart. which is all a parent wants really!

Medication is a tricky issue and needs serious research. I didn't respond well to prescription meds myself, (I'm highly sensitive and they did make me worse), but others report marked impovement, so it's very much trial and error, i'm afraid.

No medication, herbal or otherwise, comes without side-effects as I was reminded earlier, but for me, the side effects of herbal meds are way more managable and the fact that I don't take other contra-indicated meds to St John's Wort, is a bonus, I'm sure. Talk to a Doctor and Herbalist/Homeopath and see how you get on.

Anxiety is a part of ASD, so you need to look at this in depth. Reducing the cause of any Anxiety will be the key, but it cannot restrict life to the point that a person isn't living, through total fear of extending themselves. Extention can be gradual and it can be accomplished. Take each month, day, hour, at a time.

The book 'Living well on the Spectrum', may help you and your son, identify some triggers and indeed hidden issues that need addressing and can help using your son's own strengths, to overcome any percieved weaknesses.

I agree, sleep deprivation is a form of torture and I've not been able to work in the conventional sense for many years, because of it. I do nights, my husband does mornings. It's a tall ask of my husband and he does struggle, but he knows how much my children mean to me, and supports me as best as he can.

Both my boys have issues with sleep and it's very hard to manage. Even with all the strategies I've employed. See attached.

community.autism.org.uk/.../looking-sleep-advice

Can I ask that you do take time for yourself and that your husband and your daughter do the same. I didn't,  and became very unwell myself, Trying to hold it all together. My husband did the same, but his recovery has been severely protracted.

If i'd known my own health and that of my family would have suffered so badly, i'd have made some significant adjustments years ago. Without the health and support of you and your family members, things can disintergrate rapidly and can affect the family beyond words. Take time, and look after yourselves.

If you are looking to be self-employed, once qualified, to support your families needs, you may wish to link with this lady's foundation.

www.disabilitynewsservice.com/.../

School is a personal thing, but needs to be at the child's pace, not the Schools. I home educated my sons for primary, but couldn't manage secondary. (Not that bright)

Work to your sons needs/anxieties not the Schools agenda. GCSE's can be taken later if necessary, but your child's mental health, far outways any STAT's, Exam statistics etc.

Hope my ramblings are helpful.

Take care and do keep us posted.

Coogy X

Hello Mhairi,

Please don't apologise for venting here, I've done it many times and many have come forward with excellent suggestions to help me and my boys.

For us, CAMH's didn't identify my sons ASD. That was down to the private therapist we asked to see him, after CAMH's initial support and limited diagnosis.

I must admit, when our therapist mentioned Autism, I immediately rebuffed the suggestion. My perfect child could not possibly be Autistic. Even after his diagnosis through the consultant, I struggled with it. It's to my shame, that I struggled in denial for many years, but also with an innate sense that some of the strategies I'd employed for my life, would help my boys. If I'd been born a boy or done some research, I may also have seen some of the gender differences between boys and girls that would have made life so much easier for us all in the long run. I digress. (Water under the bridge, I guess.) My regret, my fault.

In my experience, those with ASD rarely get 'better' to a time scale or agenda. Trust and confidence in any therapist takes time for those on the spectrum to accomplish, so by the last session, that's normally only just established. CBT can be helpful for some, but it hasn't been for me. Psycotherapuetic Counselling has been the best, but a best fit for anyone on the spectrum Is about a good, personal,trusting fit with your therapist and an understanding of ASD. Choose carefully and if it does't work, don't give up, as I did. Move on and find what does work.

From what you say, It doesn't seem like your son has had a chance to come to terms fully with his diagnosis and also has issues, talking with others on the spectrum, which is sad. That's ok though. It's his life, his time and he needs to do that at his speed, but a good therapist can help him on that journey, when he's ready.

It's not all bad, I promise!

Do you have a local Autism hub for support, where he could perhaps meet others on the spectrum who he might feel better able to talk to?

Although, CAHM's may dismiss your son quickly, I reccommend you get outside support now, if you feel able. From what you say about your area, If they do drop him, someone your son is begining to get to know can be waiting in the wings to better support him and the sudden abandonment he may feel; (and that many restricted to timed, support, feel) can be lessened. Like I said, CAMH's can be great at looking at the core issues, but poor at long term support or solid reccommendations.

If you have other specific issues of concern, those too, can be looked at privately, but tend to be costly. Eg: Dyslexia, OT. etc. I had to dip into resources like the Mortgage to fund these, but the upshot was that you received an unbiased opinion of your childs needs that doesn't have an LA's expenditure agenda or post code lottery attached to the report. In my experience, private reccommendations are honest and always in the childs best interests at heart. which is all a parent wants really!

Medication is a tricky issue and needs serious research. I didn't respond well to prescription meds myself, (I'm highly sensitive and they did make me worse), but others report marked impovement, so it's very much trial and error, i'm afraid.

No medication, herbal or otherwise, comes without side-effects as I was reminded earlier, but for me, the side effects of herbal meds are way more managable and the fact that I don't take other contra-indicated meds to St John's Wort, is a bonus, I'm sure. Talk to a Doctor and Herbalist/Homeopath and see how you get on.

Anxiety is a part of ASD, so you need to look at this in depth. Reducing the cause of any Anxiety will be the key, but it cannot restrict life to the point that a person isn't living, through total fear of extending themselves. Extention can be gradual and it can be accomplished. Take each month, day, hour, at a time.

The book 'Living well on the Spectrum', may help you and your son, identify some triggers and indeed hidden issues that need addressing and can help using your son's own strengths, to overcome any percieved weaknesses.

I agree, sleep deprivation is a form of torture and I've not been able to work in the conventional sense for many years, because of it. I do nights, my husband does mornings. It's a tall ask of my husband and he does struggle, but he knows how much my children mean to me, and supports me as best as he can.

Both my boys have issues with sleep and it's very hard to manage. Even with all the strategies I've employed. See attached.

community.autism.org.uk/.../looking-sleep-advice

Can I ask that you do take time for yourself and that your husband and your daughter do the same. I didn't,  and became very unwell myself, Trying to hold it all together. My husband did the same, but his recovery has been severely protracted.

If i'd known my own health and that of my family would have suffered so badly, i'd have made some significant adjustments years ago. Without the health and support of you and your family members, things can disintergrate rapidly and can affect the family beyond words. Take time, and look after yourselves.

If you are looking to be self-employed, once qualified, to support your families needs, you may wish to link with this lady's foundation.

www.disabilitynewsservice.com/.../

School is a personal thing, but needs to be at the child's pace, not the Schools. I home educated my sons for primary, but couldn't manage secondary. (Not that bright)

Work to your sons needs/anxieties not the Schools agenda. GCSE's can be taken later if necessary, but your child's mental health, far outways any STAT's, Exam statistics etc.

Hope my ramblings are helpful.

Take care and do keep us posted.

Coogy X