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Thoughts of not wanting to be here.

True self

Hey there. Sometimes life can be so difficult.

I went to see my GP this evening with feeling low, really low, thoughts of not wanting to be here, and. Not understanding life. Had history of bulimmia, IBS, underactive thyroid, previous thoughts of not wanting to be here at university. Mentioned feeling of not really understanding life and getting people. The long haul of flying under the radar and not causing fuss. I have always taken on the role of helping and not causing fuss after history of mum not coping and challenging sibling. 

Our family have such a history of depression, OCD, melt downs, suicide attempts, anxiety and being and feeling odd. I tried to broach ASD but have the feeling GP did not know much about female presentation. Daughter had ADOS 4 yesterday but psychiatrist said we would find out results later. Don't know if it is because my daughter is aged 16 but process has been going on about two years.

I just need support group as none of my friends understand really. Any ideas would be lifeline.

thanks

  • For (presumably) NT Doctors, they have a pretty tough time picking up on our presentation, don't they....I thought it was us that had trouble communicating!

    True self, I heard someone say on here once that they took a completed Autism test sheet to their GP as evidence of their difficulties, would that be of help to spell it out to your GP? 

    The alternative of course, is private diagnosis and if it's an option you can take, then it maybe worth considering as the process of diagnosis can often be slow through the NHS.

    It's been long established that ASD can run significantly in families and can be more profound in some families than others, yet this is often lost on Gp's. 

    For me, suspecting something was wrong was not enough. I'm in my 50's now and I've spent my whole life wondering why I suffered so. My diagnosis has not waved a magic wand of support. However, it has allowed me to understand why things have been so tough. When my diagnosis came through, it was like someone swtched the light on in the room! Surprizingly liberating in fact.

    Since then, I've been able to research sure in the knowledge that i have it and hopefully, to make sure the balance of my life is better than the first half. It's been an entirely positive experience for me. Yes I get dark days and yes I still struggle greatly, but now I have confirmation of why, I no longer believe that I'm a poor human being, I'm just wired differently.

    A good way of learning a little more about yourself, would be to read other female Aspies stories. I'm sure many of their experiences will resonate with you if you have ASD.

    This lady is well published and has some great insights on video and in books.

    www.youtube.com/watch

    I'd love you to know that I so feel for you. Those dark enveloping cloaks of depression are so overwhelming when they come and trust me I'm paralized when they decend on me. And they still do.

    Anti-depressants had a very adverse affect on me, so I looked at natural remedies to help. St Johns Wort is good for some, but not all. It can make you a little light sensitive and may react with other medication, so do a little research on them.

    If you are the type of person that feels they may benefit from self analysis of your strengths and weaknesses, then Valerie Gaus may be a good workbook for you. Personally, I used this after diagnosis. (Living well on The Spectrum.) It may also be helpful for your daughter though.

    My thoughts are with you and I hope my modest contributions are of some help.

    Coogy xx

  • Have you tried dispensing w the causing no fuss approach? It can be empowering and stress relieving to live as you are as opposed to trying (presumably w limited success) to fit in.