Hi,
I was diagnosed in 1997 and thought I'd join prior to some advice taken from my Mum. I am currently very depressed. I am facing a number of issues which affect my motivation, lifestyle, eating and sleeping habits, and mind.
Keeping it short and sweet which is probably for the best, I just usually cannot be bothered to do much since I am unable to distract myself from my mind's anxiety habits. This is why I don't sleep and binge in effort to distract myself. I'm exhausted at the moment.
The reason I am depressed is probably because of angry, bad, and disturbing thoughts I get in my mind ranging from unusual corprophilic and often sexual thoughts combined, aggressive thoughts and even death. Part of me feels I actually want to die but I don't actually know if I have it in me, though I'd much rather when I feel up to it play my computer games than do that.
One experience I often have is where my mind randomly thinks up of similar things that have happened bad in the past or different and where I hear my voice fighting aggressively also imaging how I respond. I was bullied and have had two assaults so may have something to do with that.
Any advice? I am down for CBT and a doctor's appointment to ask for a mental health assessment referral but this is just getting to the stage where I'm feeling I cannot be asked anymore with anything.
GreenManSam