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Significant Other Might Have Autism - Help!

confused gf

Hello everyone! Recently I learned my bf's family member thinks he has autism.

When she said this - a ton of lightbulbs went off in my head for a couple of reasons... I can't tell if this is truly autism, so I was hoping for your thoughts?

  1. After work, he said he needs alone time to "recharge"
  2. He has a history of depression
  3. He despises social media.
  4. He knows how to have fun, but he doesn't like going out very often.
  5. He says socializing takes all his energy
  6. When he gets angry, he gets aggressive in his tone of voice and shuts down - acts like a completely different person. Most times, I have to talk to him for a really long time and explain that things are going to be okay before he returns to nomal. (maybe a sign of bipolar?)
  7. A few events had him going through an episode and I tried to call him to help. He ended the call immediately and he told me he doesn't like talking to me because he simply doesn't like talking to anyone... Which really hurt me because I was only trying to help but he kept channeling his anger at me.
  8. He's practically good at everything he does which interests him. He's really good at focusing when he has a task, and he is insanely good at video games.
  9. He would rather keep his personal thoughts or feelings to himself
  10. He's very indirect about his needs
  11. At first, I didn't like that he smoked weed so often by himself. But he explained to me that it helps him think clearly and calms him down.


He is well aware his mom thinks he has autism, and has even asked me, "do you think I have autism?" - but I'm not quite sure if these are signs of autism or just signs he's not interested in me...

I'm assuming he shuts me off when I try to help him because being alone is his way of coping with stress. Is the best thing to do just give him space?

I'm having a lot of trouble coping with these thoughts - please help. What should I do? 

Parents

  • The usual reason for trying drugs with autism is an attempt to find social acceptance or make socialising easier, when what it does, all too often, is worsen the sense of isolation.

    Although autistic spectrum seems to make people avoid doing wrong in some contexts, it can be overcome in contexts that might gain social approval or acceptance. So it is often assumed that people on the spectrum don't take drugs, when really they do - its just another "oh we don't talk about it".

    It might be beneficial in helping him think clearly and calming him down, but I suspect that is less likely as a response to autism. Unfortunately the psychological effects of weed are less well understood, so I don't think anyone can attribute specific behaviours to it. Just some people may be dreamy and negligent of self presentation.

    One book might be helpful, because it explores the kind of issues perceived by partners, is "Loving Mr Spock - Asperger's Syndrome and how to make your relationship work" by Barbara Jacobs. It is relatively accessible as a Penguin Book (2004) ISBN 0-141-01184-x  (probably around £12).  It is one person's perspective of one person on the spectrum, and maybe more written to sell than I can be comfortable with factually. It is written in the form of conversations with "danny" the partner in question. But it is useful for partners in flagging up relationship problems from the perspective of the non-AS person.

    It has the questionnaire mentioned by recombinantsocks. It also has other information on what could and couldn't be and what other conditions there are.

Reply

  • The usual reason for trying drugs with autism is an attempt to find social acceptance or make socialising easier, when what it does, all too often, is worsen the sense of isolation.

    Although autistic spectrum seems to make people avoid doing wrong in some contexts, it can be overcome in contexts that might gain social approval or acceptance. So it is often assumed that people on the spectrum don't take drugs, when really they do - its just another "oh we don't talk about it".

    It might be beneficial in helping him think clearly and calming him down, but I suspect that is less likely as a response to autism. Unfortunately the psychological effects of weed are less well understood, so I don't think anyone can attribute specific behaviours to it. Just some people may be dreamy and negligent of self presentation.

    One book might be helpful, because it explores the kind of issues perceived by partners, is "Loving Mr Spock - Asperger's Syndrome and how to make your relationship work" by Barbara Jacobs. It is relatively accessible as a Penguin Book (2004) ISBN 0-141-01184-x  (probably around £12).  It is one person's perspective of one person on the spectrum, and maybe more written to sell than I can be comfortable with factually. It is written in the form of conversations with "danny" the partner in question. But it is useful for partners in flagging up relationship problems from the perspective of the non-AS person.

    It has the questionnaire mentioned by recombinantsocks. It also has other information on what could and couldn't be and what other conditions there are.

Children
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