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severely overweight son - how to help

NAS67786

my son is just home from uni, living with us & job h7nting. he must be about 20+ stone with a 50in weight. he looks like a sumo wrestler. I am v worried about his health & suspect he also hasbinge eating disorder. he only goes put of the house to buy food & i find the wrappers hidden in his room. he made no friends  at uni as he was there "to get a good degree' & has no friends at home either. he is in his room all day excpet for dinner with us, then he retreats back. I suspect he also has depression as I have seen packets of Ads wrappers in his bin.

he can be the lovleiest boy and he is very talented but my heart is breaking for this obviuosly v unheppy boy who can not see what he is doing to himself. we have  no family he could talk to, i cant even broch the subject of health or weight without the shutters coming down. 

any ideas how i can help my boy please?

  • Anti depressants can 100% lead weight gain AND general fatigue. I myself am a binge eater, and am rapidly on the road to 20 stone I think. I am probably 16 stone and was 19 at my worst. When I was on sertraline all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. 

    What kicked me into gear was getting the final warning about pre diabetes from a doctor, this thankfully never happened but I did get Chron's. One day you'll probably need to be frank with him that very severe issues can happen if he's morbidly obese. It sounds harsh I know. 

    For me, personally, eating food gives a dopamine hit, and an addictive one too. So it's probably a vicious circle for your son as well. I know I'm playing Agony Uncle with that but my best friend forced me to promise I'd change my diet on Sunday. Since then I've ate ten sausage rolls, two chocolate bars, a microwave burger and god knows what else inbetween. I'll be brutally honest, none of it even tastes nice, I just do it as I do it. 

    I really hope your son gets out this hole, because I feel I'm too deep myself and there's little if any support for it. "oooh check ya calories" does diddly squat for me.

  • Hello NAS67786

    This sounds like a difficult situation to be a part of, especially when it might be difficult to initiate a conversation. It sounds as though you are doing the best you can here as a wonderfully caring parent to a child - I certainly found that I had a slight issue with binge eating at a very similar point in my life.

    While I can see that our community has started to provide feedback, I would like to also provide reference to some of our NAS approved resources that have not yet been mentioned.

    Eating disorders - If you suspect your son may have an eating disorder, this resource may be useful.

    Depression - If you suspect your son may have depression, this resource may be useful.

    Autism Services Directory - A directory of resources, many of which are in person, located around the UK.

    Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline - Our parent to parent support line.

    Going forwards, I wish you the best with this situation - this does not sound easy to work through, although it certainly shows you are trying your best here.

    Thanks - Zac Mod.

  • The BEAT website may be a good place to look at or direct your son to if you think he may have an eating disorder.

    https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/

    The maudsley website a teaching hospital also may have information about binge eating disorder.

    https://slam.nhs.uk/binge-eating

    You may want to look at the fat ugly blog to on facebook as around COVID they started to document their experience of binge eating disorder and the maudsley  profiled their story.

    I think perhaps if your son does have an eating disorder he may be able to get help from the NHS, they could help him to see a dietician or an eating disorders unit. Some people need some support to go to the GP for their appointments if they have one.