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Friends/People Aren't What They Seem

Wandawitch

Getting this down and on paper so to speak

So frustrated with people.  Perhaps it is because I see a lot of things in black and white.  Perhaps it is because I want people to like me for who I am.  

Also, I know I have massive rejection sensitivity which I try to work on.

I'm so disappointed with flaky friends.  People who are very selfish.

I'm talking about three people who I know who have neurodiversity like me.

One who prioritises their partner (they are not prioritised in return) but that isn't really my business.  Most likely despite toxicity this is their safe person.  I have lived experience 

of this.

Another who probably goes into overwhelm with people but can't say so instead making lots of excuses not to meet instead of being honest (this I feel better about because it is a way of not

rejecting the person but rejecting people in general.)

Another who is trying to keep their own lives on track and appears to have OCD tendencies probably not much energy for other stuff.

Another who when my mask has now dropped doesn't seem to want to engage because I'm not fun and entertaining.

Feel very dissatisfied with my friendships.  Maybe I'm not such a good friend either but at least feel like I can face up to myself and be honest or learning to be more honest.

I have one good friend and that is it.  Disappointed and find it so hard to make new friends.  Am I asking too much?

Can anyone relate?

  • in reply to Tamarinda

    Sorry to hear this Tamarinda.  It sounds really tough for you and I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.  

  • I'm dealing with friends who just want to be around me when I'm fun. I've been struggling with my mental health and I have no friends I can talk to honestly about what I;m going through. They are just there if I want to go out and engage in fun social things. I don't think I have any real friends any more. I used to have one but she ghosted me.

  • Hello Wandawitch.

    What you're going through is certainly tough, it can be frustrating to experience changes in the people around us we believe to know quite well, especially when working with our own rejection sensitivities - I certainly know that I struggle to not feel pushed away by other people I've grown comfortable around

    It seems as though you are certainly very perceptive, with a lot of care to give, and you are deserving of relationships you can feel comfortable with - while I can see that our community has already begun to respond to this post, I wonder if our NAS resources may prove useful.

    Making friends

    It might also be helpful to use our "Ask ash" service in order to find information more specific to your needs.

    Ask ASH (Autism Support Helper)

    Going forwards, I hope that you are able to develop a solution you feel comfortable with.


    Thanks - Zac Mod.

  • Yes I can and it's one of the reasons I pretty much gave up on having friends, somehow it was always me and my needs that were bottom of the pile and yet I was expected to drop everything for them.

  • I can relate to having flaky friends/pen friends. Seemed to use me as a search engine, medical advice and not listening to me on advice. There was jealousy. 

    The pen friend was going absolutely fine, suddenly wanted more than a pen friend by giving me £5 to say thank you for being my friend which is a bit strange. Also lured me onto twitter (which I don't use now); plus over reacting when I told her can't be in touch anymore. Plus she got missed diagnosed and quit her work. Think she was unhappy. Shame as thought we clicked. Unfortunately she is doing this to other people sending gifts. All I wanted a good pen friend to write happy letters and no gifts.

    Other one just vanished without saying anything to me and thought was she finding writing letters difficult? Haven't heard anything from her over 4 years. I can't write a closing letter. Wondering what happened to her?

    I've got a friend who moved back to my town and wants to meet me all the time. Also not understanding what I'm doing these days. 

    That's why I joined the forum.