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struggling with emotions.

Lealo2002

I was diagnosed really late with Autism in December of last year. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I was always referred to as the girl with Anger issues. I cannot stand the term anger issues, being constantly told you've got some sort of issue. I have always struggled so much when it comes to trying to understand my emotions and what's going on inside my head. I still struggle really bad to this day. I have a partner, We've been together for a year and a half, he's one of the best people in my life. He's been so understanding about my diagnosis, letting me know he's always going to be there for me. But sometimes I start arguments over really silly things, which results in me getting angry and upset because the emotions inside my head start to get too much. almost like I don't know how to control them. I'm lucky that my boyfriend knows what to do In those situations, but I feel constant guilt and regret when I get mad at him. It makes me constantly think that I don't deserve him. if anyone has any tips on how I can control the anger better or if Anyone can relate to this? I'd really appreciate knowing I'm not alone on this. 

side note, Ive been going to therapy for 2 years now, and it's helped massively. it's just nice to hear other peoples experiences. 

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  • Hey, I absolutely hear you. I struggle quite badly with anger, although I wouldn't exactly call it that, more like a really poor ability to deal with stress or strong emotions. I get so worked up that I have to be by myself for a while to calm down. It usually gets triggered by an argument with my partner who I live with.

    The one thing I would say is that I have found it helpful to try to recognise when I am feeling irritable, overwhelmed, or just depressed before I give off any kind of negative energy. I try to keep up the habit of checking in with myself so I can anticipate when I might act grumpy, really quiet or even snap at my partner. If I feel that way then I try to tell my partner, "hey, I'm feeling really irritable/overwhelmed at the moment. I just wanted to let you know that it's got nothing to do with you, I'm just not feeling great." Once I've recognised and acknowledged that I'm feeling bad then I try to think what I need and to not expect too much of myself. You might need some time alone for a while, you might need a hug, maybe a cup of tea. Your partner is prepared and can accommodate for you.

    Obviously it goes without saying that it is not always easy to do when you are feeling rotten, and you may well already do this. I imagine your therapist has suggested something along these lines if not.

    Sounds like you and your partner are very caring people. You deserve a lot of credit for actively seeking help through therapy, trying to learn more about yourself and what you need; not everyone is capable of that.

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  • Hey, I absolutely hear you. I struggle quite badly with anger, although I wouldn't exactly call it that, more like a really poor ability to deal with stress or strong emotions. I get so worked up that I have to be by myself for a while to calm down. It usually gets triggered by an argument with my partner who I live with.

    The one thing I would say is that I have found it helpful to try to recognise when I am feeling irritable, overwhelmed, or just depressed before I give off any kind of negative energy. I try to keep up the habit of checking in with myself so I can anticipate when I might act grumpy, really quiet or even snap at my partner. If I feel that way then I try to tell my partner, "hey, I'm feeling really irritable/overwhelmed at the moment. I just wanted to let you know that it's got nothing to do with you, I'm just not feeling great." Once I've recognised and acknowledged that I'm feeling bad then I try to think what I need and to not expect too much of myself. You might need some time alone for a while, you might need a hug, maybe a cup of tea. Your partner is prepared and can accommodate for you.

    Obviously it goes without saying that it is not always easy to do when you are feeling rotten, and you may well already do this. I imagine your therapist has suggested something along these lines if not.

    Sounds like you and your partner are very caring people. You deserve a lot of credit for actively seeking help through therapy, trying to learn more about yourself and what you need; not everyone is capable of that.

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