First post, struggling more than usual.

You’ve come to the right place - in my experience this is such a good place to come and talk about things as other autistic people understand and can relate to other autistic people. My birth family never understood me and regularly would tell me I was being too sensitive or over-reacting etc etc. Fortunately my husband is very understanding of my autistic traits and both my adult children also have autism- so they totally get it too. But you’re never alone - this community is great and so supportive.

You sound very overwhelmed- which is such a common experience for autistic people. Over a period of 3 or 4 years I’ve got a lot better at managing my feelings of overwhelm and anxiety by learning about Mindfulness and Buddhism. I’ve found that with time I can get better at living in the moment, and grounding myself by focusing on what’s happening right now rather than ruminating on past things or worrying about what will happen in the future. I know that Mindfulness is a commonly discussed thing now - kind of trendy - but when you look into deeply and give it time I really think it can help. For instance if I’m starting to feel overwhelmed or really anxious I’ll get outside and go for a walk - and really concentrate on everything around me, the feel of the breeze and the sun on my skin, the sound of the birds or traffic, the smell of the grass etc. Or I might have something to eat and put a lot of care into the preparation, and really focus on the tastes and textures when I eat. I find these sorts of things can slow the mind down and help it to focus on one thing at a time - rather than having a frantic, restless mind. It does take time - but over the months your mind gets better and better and settling onto the things you’re actually doing and experiencing in the present moment. Eckhart Tolle is pretty good at teaching these practices too - although I got into it through a Zen Master called Thich Nhat Hanh - there’s loads of free material on YouTube etc if you want to check it out (the YouTube channel is called Plum Village and the podcast is called The Way out is In. )

I’ve struggled all my life with a lot of anxiety related problems and this is what has helped me the most. I get better at having a more settled mind, and worrying less. I had a very difficult childhood and very unsympathetic parents - and it’s also helped me to make peace with that too. 
The important thing to keep in mind though is that it takes time for these things to really change how you react to things - so it requires consistency and patience’s as you sort of re-train your mind. I think a lot of autistic people are highly sensitive and they react very strongly to what’s around them - and to the bad behaviour of others - and suffer as a result. Through Mindfulness and Buddhist philosophy I’ve been able to build a bit more ‘space’ between myself and the things that trigger my anxiety. It’s subtle change to the way I think but in many ways but it’s definitely helped a lot. I do still have really bad days and crisis moments sometimes - but they happen less often and I recover from them more quickly. 

Re. your family: I’m sorry that they don’t get it. It’s possible that they never will. Trying to change them is probably a waste of your time - instead focus on building your own inner peace and strength - and then their words won’t hurt you so much. 

Trust me - there’s a lot you can do to make your mental state calmer and more rested. This is not forever - things can get better, try to be patient and learn strategies that can help you. Good luck! 

You’ve come to the right place - in my experience this is such a good place to come and talk about things as other autistic people understand and can relate to other autistic people. My birth family never understood me and regularly would tell me I was being too sensitive or over-reacting etc etc. Fortunately my husband is very understanding of my autistic traits and both my adult children also have autism- so they totally get it too. But you’re never alone - this community is great and so supportive.

You sound very overwhelmed- which is such a common experience for autistic people. Over a period of 3 or 4 years I’ve got a lot better at managing my feelings of overwhelm and anxiety by learning about Mindfulness and Buddhism. I’ve found that with time I can get better at living in the moment, and grounding myself by focusing on what’s happening right now rather than ruminating on past things or worrying about what will happen in the future. I know that Mindfulness is a commonly discussed thing now - kind of trendy - but when you look into deeply and give it time I really think it can help. For instance if I’m starting to feel overwhelmed or really anxious I’ll get outside and go for a walk - and really concentrate on everything around me, the feel of the breeze and the sun on my skin, the sound of the birds or traffic, the smell of the grass etc. Or I might have something to eat and put a lot of care into the preparation, and really focus on the tastes and textures when I eat. I find these sorts of things can slow the mind down and help it to focus on one thing at a time - rather than having a frantic, restless mind. It does take time - but over the months your mind gets better and better and settling onto the things you’re actually doing and experiencing in the present moment. Eckhart Tolle is pretty good at teaching these practices too - although I got into it through a Zen Master called Thich Nhat Hanh - there’s loads of free material on YouTube etc if you want to check it out (the YouTube channel is called Plum Village and the podcast is called The Way out is In. )

I’ve struggled all my life with a lot of anxiety related problems and this is what has helped me the most. I get better at having a more settled mind, and worrying less. I had a very difficult childhood and very unsympathetic parents - and it’s also helped me to make peace with that too. 
The important thing to keep in mind though is that it takes time for these things to really change how you react to things - so it requires consistency and patience’s as you sort of re-train your mind. I think a lot of autistic people are highly sensitive and they react very strongly to what’s around them - and to the bad behaviour of others - and suffer as a result. Through Mindfulness and Buddhist philosophy I’ve been able to build a bit more ‘space’ between myself and the things that trigger my anxiety. It’s subtle change to the way I think but in many ways but it’s definitely helped a lot. I do still have really bad days and crisis moments sometimes - but they happen less often and I recover from them more quickly. 

Re. your family: I’m sorry that they don’t get it. It’s possible that they never will. Trying to change them is probably a waste of your time - instead focus on building your own inner peace and strength - and then their words won’t hurt you so much. 

Trust me - there’s a lot you can do to make your mental state calmer and more rested. This is not forever - things can get better, try to be patient and learn strategies that can help you. Good luck! 

exactly how I would have replied, thank you for helping me confirm our beliefs. 

Just want to say I've been listening to your recommendation of 'The way out is In' podcast, and even though I'm not at the point of doing the practice, it's really helped to just listen to, as their presence is really calming. If I'm getting anxious and stressed, just putting that on has really helped.