Faecal incontinence

I'm really sorry - this must be incredibly hard for both of you. The timing with his move screams stress-related, and at 36 with no history? That's not laziness or stubbornness; it's his system screaming "too much change." Autistic adults often lose bladder signals under anxiety - it's called functional incontinence - and big disruptions like losing supported housing can trigger it for months, even years if routines stay broken.

You've tried everything - patience, frustration, rewards - and nothing's stuck because it's not behavioral; it's sensory/anxiety overload. The nurse's advice is solid, but it sounds like it's not hitting the root. Here's what might help bridge the gap:

• Push for deeper medical check: Back to GP - request urine test (infection), bowel screen (constipation is huge in autism, causes overflow), and a bladder scan (post-void residual). If he's on meds, ask if they contribute. NHS continence teams can do timed voiding or habit retraining - more structured than "just go every hour."
  
  
• Sensory tweaks in the new flat: Make the loo a safe zone - dim lights, familiar smells (his old soap?), no harsh flush sounds (earplugs or white noise). Prompted voiding: set a gentle timer (visual, not nagging) for every 2–3 hours, even if he says, "no need." Anxiety makes signals fuzzy - he might not feel it till it's urgent.
  
  
• Discreet protection, no shame: Pull-ups or pads (high-absorbency, quiet ones like TENA Men or Abena) let him move without fear. NHS can supply free via continence nurse - reduces stress, which might ease leaks. Frame it as "backup while we sort this," not punishment.
  
  
• Transition support: Contact adult social services for an autism-aware OT - they can rebuild routines, maybe visual schedules for toileting. If he's got LD/autism label, push for a psychologist referral - stress management like mindfulness apps (Calm, but simplified) or grounding exercises could calm the nervous system.
  
  
• For you: Carer's assessment - get respite, even a few hours. You're not failing; transitions wreck continence in neurodivergent folks. It often improves once stability hits, but months is long - don't wait forever.

Hang in there. This isn't forever. If you want product names, wording for the GP, or UK links (like NAS or Bladder & Bowel UK), say the word.

You've got this - you're already doing more than most.

I'm really sorry - this must be incredibly hard for both of you. The timing with his move screams stress-related, and at 36 with no history? That's not laziness or stubbornness; it's his system screaming "too much change." Autistic adults often lose bladder signals under anxiety - it's called functional incontinence - and big disruptions like losing supported housing can trigger it for months, even years if routines stay broken.

You've tried everything - patience, frustration, rewards - and nothing's stuck because it's not behavioral; it's sensory/anxiety overload. The nurse's advice is solid, but it sounds like it's not hitting the root. Here's what might help bridge the gap:

• Push for deeper medical check: Back to GP - request urine test (infection), bowel screen (constipation is huge in autism, causes overflow), and a bladder scan (post-void residual). If he's on meds, ask if they contribute. NHS continence teams can do timed voiding or habit retraining - more structured than "just go every hour."
  
  
• Sensory tweaks in the new flat: Make the loo a safe zone - dim lights, familiar smells (his old soap?), no harsh flush sounds (earplugs or white noise). Prompted voiding: set a gentle timer (visual, not nagging) for every 2–3 hours, even if he says, "no need." Anxiety makes signals fuzzy - he might not feel it till it's urgent.
  
  
• Discreet protection, no shame: Pull-ups or pads (high-absorbency, quiet ones like TENA Men or Abena) let him move without fear. NHS can supply free via continence nurse - reduces stress, which might ease leaks. Frame it as "backup while we sort this," not punishment.
  
  
• Transition support: Contact adult social services for an autism-aware OT - they can rebuild routines, maybe visual schedules for toileting. If he's got LD/autism label, push for a psychologist referral - stress management like mindfulness apps (Calm, but simplified) or grounding exercises could calm the nervous system.
  
  
• For you: Carer's assessment - get respite, even a few hours. You're not failing; transitions wreck continence in neurodivergent folks. It often improves once stability hits, but months is long - don't wait forever.

Hang in there. This isn't forever. If you want product names, wording for the GP, or UK links (like NAS or Bladder & Bowel UK), say the word.

You've got this - you're already doing more than most.