Could anyone share their experience of burnout?

I'm sorry to hear that. I worry about losing Monty.

Monty is 12 and he gives me so much ... he's a real personality...I do love him so.

I try not to imagine life without him. 

I really do understand you when you say your cats have helped you.

Ann :) said:

Taking time off was unbearable because I then completely collapsed and I could not do anything

One of the things that helps is keeping routines. Work can also be low emotion and relational stress.

You have a controlled environment, you know how to interact, the rules are clear, you don't have to think too much.

It gives structure to the day. The problem is the workload, but if you can reduce that, work can help as it keeps you going.

I had a supportive manager last year else I would have had to take some time off.

Hi pietro_21 

So you’ve found it helpful to identify those links. I’ve certainly identified that accumulation of demands/stressors have contributed to me being where I am. 

Thank you for sharing. 

Hi 

The times I have been most affected by burnout have been when it was linked to other things, often several at once. So overwhelm, or inability to make sense of problems in the limited time avaialble, against my own standards for myself. Breakdown of relationships, expectations placed on others or myself in relationships. Workplace tensions, seeing the end of jobs before they are over. Or a sense or dread or not knowing what I might do beyond the short term. Sensing others hostility towards me (sometimes this is founded) and feeling outnumbered. Being in oversensory environments, where one sensation is overwhelming or unpleasant. Any of these issues together could cause burnout, romantic relationship burnout on its own can cause it. I see it as something which can be limited in its affects if you don't put yourself at the centre of the problem but take a different perspective, this is also diffulcult to do as you need to realise quickly in new situations that your mind is playing tricks on you or that you don't need to be there.

Also what Stuart wrote below, sleep and stress and major compounding factors.

Thank you, Stuart333 

This makes a lot of sense. I mistakenly thought it would be a vaguely linear process but it really isn’t at all. 

I like the idea of writing. Maybe I’ll start journaling and make a point of writing down what I’ve achieved too, even if it’s something small. 

Hi Ann :) 

Thank you for sharing your experience. I crashed six months ago but can see I was on the slope heading towards it for 18 months prior to that. I’ve spent many years in a demanding profession and like you, have really pushed myself, initially because I hadn’t yet had my diagnosis and subsequently because I didn’t really want to accept it. I’ve not been able to work for these past six months and worry that I may not ever get back to anywhere near how I was. Hence feeling rather useless now and facing an uncertain future. 

It’s great that you’re doing your PhD but you do need to prioritise your wellbeing. I had a PhD proposal accepted a couple of years ago but didn’t proceed with it (I will do it at some point!) So I understand you wanting to complete yours because it does take a lot of work to get there. But it’s not a failure if you do have to take a break from it and work on your recovery. 

Sounds like we both need to be a bit kinder to ourselves…

This is a great group. I’ve only just reached out but I’m so glad I did. There are some wonderful people here, offering support

This is a painful read as I relate so much. Being a mum and trying to work fulltime has been punishing, as I tend to work 8.30 -3pm, get the kids and take them to all their after school activites, help with homework, make dinner, put them to bed, then 9.30-11.30ish make up my work hours.

When I was in my previous job, I'd get so into what I was doing, I might not finish till after midnight, and a couple of years I was chair of the parent council at the school, so would then have to switch over and send any emails or messages to organise fundraising events. It's very easy to just keep going till you can't, I did step down from the Chair position as I couldn't do it any longer, and at one point managed to drop down to part time for a contract so I didn't have to work at night, but new contracts came and I went back to nearly full time -though I did manage to keep Friday afternoons off as my kids school finishes half days, and trying to make up 4 hours on a Friday/ Sunday night was too much.

It's hard, as you feel you should be able to do it all, to prove you can. Being in a male dominated industry, you kind of feel you need to work harder (which I imagine is like research to be taken seriously). But it's not really possible without something giving like health as you say.

Since summer, the kids have been feeling it too, so we cut activities right back and it's helped me, as they are big enough to let them rest and play games, I can do more work in the afternoons so have to work less in the evenings, and I went back up to full days on Fridays as they can chill then. (I should note I have a supportive husband, who does a lot of the housework to keep us functioning, but last 6 months he was working crunch hours too so we really were all falling apart).

I’ve been experiencing chronic burnout for over 5 years now. It took a really long time for me to understand that it was burnout and related to being autistic. I didn’t know I was autistic initially. I just kept pushing and pushing myself to keep going and worked way beyond my limits. I had to take time off a few times but I only did that because my physical health starts to go as well when I get super burntout- I basically just end up losing so much weight, because my IBS flares up, my appetite goes and I also think stress just makes me loose weight even faster. But even when I had time off I didn’t really recover. I think I didn’t rest properly. Taking time off was unbearable because I then completely collapsed and I could not do anything which I hated- ‘fun things’ took an inhumane effort too so I preferred to do ‘useful things’ like work more. I hate being inactive so I think even when I was resting and barely doing anything I was still pushing myself too much. Not being understood by medical professionals also didn’t help- autistic burnout often gets mistaken for depression and then the advice is often to do more and to socialise etc. and when I am utterly burntout I need to just withdraw for a while as I have such limited energy- once I feel better my interests etc come back but I shouldn’t push it. I never really recovered, I basically just went from one job or degree into the next and I often didn’t feel ready at all. Thinking back I have no clue how I even managed to still work and also hide the fact that I was an utter wreck both physically and mentally. I unfortunately still haven’t properly recovered- I had to move to a new country and new PhD position at short notice over a year ago- thinking back I really should have taken a break but somehow that just didn’t seem acceptable to me at the time. My phd supervisor now is extremely kind and understanding and knew to some extent that I wasn’t well- we had worked together in the past and she was aware of the bad experiences I had over past years (unsupportive supervisor, not getting paid, funding running out etc) and also of some of my health problems and she still wanted me to join and said it was fine to start more slowly to get back on my feet. I have worked much less the past year and tried to get back on my feet. I have tried to prioritise sleep and on weekend I now force myself to stay in bed if I am still tired (i hate sleeping and would rather do things but in my exhausted state that also doesn’t work then). I have had moments where I have felt better than in years, where I could think more clearly and it is so so much better. But these moments are shortlived and circumstances have pushed me deeper into burnout again. I am starting to think I might just not be able to do this job. I would need a longer break to recover but that’s not possible without me giving up my PhD - I don’t know if I want to do that, I fought so hard to get here but I also can’t keep watching while my health and wellbeing is being wrecked. It’s harder to keep going once you spot the cycle. In addition stopping and taking a break has so many other repercussions and associated issues that need to be sorted like where to live, finances etc etc. It’s difficult. I want nothing more than to not be burntout anymore and to be able to hike and run again (I have had chronic joint issues and due to burnout and moving countries too much have never been able to get the physio and support I need to sort it). I just want to live again, not just exist in this dark dark exhausted state where I can barely think and put all my limited energy into work and can’t get joy from work or from anything else as I am too exhausted. I wish I knew what the solution is, but I don’t. Can anyone relate to this?

Long term sleep deprivation is a major part of our problems.

Too much stress leaves the system switched on. You have to be able to relax.

Messing up circadian rhythms from lots of travel or odd hours does it too.

Sleep hygiene works, but you have to do it for a week or so before it helps. I never stuck to it long enough.

I also get distracted and want to do other things at night but I am getting better the last month or 6 weeks.

It sounds silly, but turn off the main ceiling lights, use lamps or candles from 9pm. Don't have any bright lights. Stop screens and hour before bed. Only reading.

Ann :) said:

The more exhausted I get the less I am able to sleep

It's so hard isn't it. If I've not slept at all, I'll be so tired and then go to bed early and sometimes not sleep again because I'm so tired. It's like your body doesn't get the memo that you really want to sleep! 

Hi, I’m glad you are feeling better. It’s interesting that you say you got insomnia from working too hard because this is something that I experience as well. The more exhausted I get the less I am able to sleep. It’s like I am in this adrenaline fuelled state to just somehow survive the day but then when I should sleep I just cannot even though I am extremely exhausted… It is very frustrating and I haven’t found a way to fix this

Being emotional is part of it.

Emotions are driven by your nervous system. So if it is stressed your emotions become amplified. Since emotions are in a feedback loop with you brain, you end up a bit unstable and can loop it spiral.

I did it first 30 years ago before it was known, I thought I was broken.

Having info and making a plan is a good idea. Even if it is just a couple of simple things 

You aren't broken. You can get back to how you were. It will take some time. Lower stress, don't feel guilty for resting, sleep as best you can,  keep hydrated, cut down caffeine and alcohol as much as you can. Try not to ruminate. In particular, I have just found out, it is best not to think at night in bed, it disrupts your nervous system. If you have to think, try to do it in the daytime and try not to let it get out of control, then try to get some light exercise, like a 10 minute walk to settle things. You will worry, so set aside some time for it if you can, but keep it bounded if you can. It will help. When you get stuck, don't worry, it will pass. Breath deeply, have a cup of tea, wash your hands in cold water, it will ground you. This is a known thing and you can get out of it. It is not linear, you will have good and bad days. You can swing quite quickly too in a matter of moments. But it will pass.

Writing cab help show patterns and progress. It is hard to see as it is slow, but looking at how you felt a month ago or two months ago shows the progress 

Good luck. 

I'm finding I like podcasts, as hearing other people talking takes the edge off.

Thank you for replying, Cinnabar_wing 

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve gone through this but appreciate you sharing your experience. I’m very, very emotional today and feeling very isolated but hearing from people like yourself is making me realise I’m not alone. 

It’s great having so many suggestions for helpful resources. 

Thank you Lonehare12 for the welcome. I am rather obsessed with cats. Also used to have a Monty (sadly no longer with us). My cats have helped me so much. 

Hi Catwoman , welcome!
I think I'm starting to feel better after 6 months, though still wobbly so obviously not were I was before.

How long it lasts is hard, I crashed out of my old job, took 3 months off over the summer with my kids, started a new job and hit exhaustion immediately, which was really hard to deal with. Stress from starting a new job and trying to work just as hard again was so much I wanted to cry and quit again, plus I lost my ability to deal with feedback objectively.  It was a very hard to admit to myself that I might have austistic burnout and not just regular burnout. (I was still undergoing assessment and was afraid of allowing myself to admit what it was as I didn't want to feel broken for months.) 

I managed to still work but take it down a notch or two, I can still get my work done, and the new place is fine with me, but admitting to myself I couldn't do the same amount that I could before burnout has helped me forgive myself a little. I also was in a lead role with several meetings and organising schdedules, and now I'm in just a senior role without worrying about having people report to me and just one short catch up a week, so that is helping a lot too. My concentration is definitely down and I'm very unorganised at the moment. 

The hardest thing that has hampered recovery is lack of sleep -I got insomonia from working too hard, and for most of last year could only sleep properly about 3-4 hours before waking. I think if I could sleep more, it would have helped with recovery. Waking up tired isn't fun.

Best of luck to you if you are in it, I've also been listening to Dr Neff's podcast, Divergent Conversations (I listen on spotify but I think it's a few places). Series 3 is Burnout City.

Hi Bunny 

Thank you for your reply. I’ll take a look at these

Hi and welcome to the community as a poster! 

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. 

Alongside support from your GP, you might find these NAS resources helpful:

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author (who's also a clinician and advocate):

Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

I also have this book of hers. It's very user-friendly, including lots of diagrams and worksheets:

The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

Oh it's small cats ..good..I've just seen your profile pic ..

HiCatwoman 

I'm sorry I can't give you advice on burnout...I'm only recently diagnosed AUDHD and I'm still navigating things.

Please stick around and chat with us.

I have a cat called Monty. BTW... I'm presuming you like cats..but maybe it's big cats you like.. anyway...I don't know.

Hope you get the answers you need.

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