Starting over at 55. Autism, relationship's and connection


I’m 55, autistic, and have spent much of my life caring for others like the“I-can-help” robot in Fargo.Robot always pleasing and denying myself.

Therapy helped me understand my autism and my situation within relationships.

Now I’m trying to make new connections and explore friendships and relationships, including aspects of my LGBTQ+ identity.

It feels hard, and I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it at this stage. New social situations can be overwhelming, and I often feel lonely.

But I’m learning that even small steps showing up, reaching out, exploring interests can make a difference.

I’d love to hear from anyone who’s faced similar challenges later in life.

How did you build connections or come to terms with your past?

And how do you find the motivation to keep pushing on when the world and people can be so scary.?

Parents
  • Thank you for sharing your experience. I can really relate to what you said about people-pleasing and getting an adult diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 37. It truly feels like having to start over, and that's hard.

    While I don't have much advice to offer, I want you to know that you are definitely not alone.

    I have personally found a lot of help from the book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff. It’s helped me give myself the understanding and compassion I often don't receive from others.

  • Hi 

    Thank you for responding.

    It does help to know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

    I have added the book you have mentioned to my Spotify playlist.

    Wishing you all the best.

    (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

  • So, people pleasing is another autistic trait? I so do that! And I get worse in a relationship, to the point of smothering. I can't seem to help myself, it's why I stopped dating, decades ago now. Life is so much simpler on your own, until it's not...

Reply Children
  • Yeah...it can be and I agree it is much less complicated.

    My therapist tells me on regular basis we are wired for connection and I'm inclined to agree with this also.

    What I'm realizing is that I've probably never had healthy connections within my family mum/dad and with my husband.

    It's only therapy that has highlighted this.

    Maybe my autism has made me somewhat naive.