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Being referred

Ellioru

My partner is 25 and believes he has Aspergers. When he was younger a few of his teachers mentioned it to his parents but for whatever reason his parents didn't go any further with it.

He went through a few tests online and we decided to pursue it. He saw the Doctor a few weeks ago and the Dr tried putting my partner off going any further as it would effect his life for the worse (i.e career prospects would be gone, etc) - he gave my partner a questionnaire to fill out in his own time and to come back in 2 weeks. When I was told what the Dr said I was annoyed, and it definitely put my partner off going back.

After some discussions recently we filled out the questionnaire and he got 10/10, which says on the sheet he should be referred. Today he went back to the Drs and was told they would not refer him as he is too old, he needs to do it private. The Dr then decided that my Partner has depression and that's that. I am just gobsmacked, I really am. 

What options do we have? He is struggling with everyday life and I want him to be able to get the support he wants.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I've just been diagnosed at 56 so it's never too late! It is a scary thing as I now have to deal with employers on a new footing. Having a diagnosis can make things easier as the extrovert dominated world of today becomes easier to understand. It can clearly also cloud an employers judgement so it is not to be taken lightly.

    It sounds as though you are perhaps reacting in a confrontational way. I've been confrontational for years and know from bitter experience that this can be counter productive. If you are relentlessly reasonable and calm and quiet with your approach then you are more likely to win through. I am trying to learn the arts of persuasion to make for an easier life!

    Having a diagnosis is actually not as important as having the understanding that he has the condition. The diagnosis can help if you have no other choice. I was facing disciplinary proceedings due to the lack of understanding of my behaviour at work so I had to get the diagnosis. If he is not in this position then I would recommend that you try and learn about the condition yourselves. After all, the diagnosis won't give you any magical treatment or a new life.

    I now have a better understanding of my behaviour and can see how irritating I can be to my colleagues! I also see that I do have insights that they miss so I am comfortable that on balance I make a positive contribution. I feel that my understanding of my Aspieness is helping me to fit in better. I have also told people at work that I have the condition and 99% of people react in a friendly way and a lot of them proceed to tell me about their Aspie friends or relations - it is really really common!

    Can I recommend two books? Living well on the spectrum by Valeria Gaus is a book that I read before getting a diagnosis. It's full of practical advice and it has helped me to adjust to the extrovert world.

    The second book is "Success as an Introvert for Dummies". This is again full of practical advice that may apply to both of you. The theme of the book is that it's absolutely fine to be an introvert and the author has sound advice about being comfortable with your position on the introversion vs extroversion scale.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    I've just been diagnosed at 56 so it's never too late! It is a scary thing as I now have to deal with employers on a new footing. Having a diagnosis can make things easier as the extrovert dominated world of today becomes easier to understand. It can clearly also cloud an employers judgement so it is not to be taken lightly.

    It sounds as though you are perhaps reacting in a confrontational way. I've been confrontational for years and know from bitter experience that this can be counter productive. If you are relentlessly reasonable and calm and quiet with your approach then you are more likely to win through. I am trying to learn the arts of persuasion to make for an easier life!

    Having a diagnosis is actually not as important as having the understanding that he has the condition. The diagnosis can help if you have no other choice. I was facing disciplinary proceedings due to the lack of understanding of my behaviour at work so I had to get the diagnosis. If he is not in this position then I would recommend that you try and learn about the condition yourselves. After all, the diagnosis won't give you any magical treatment or a new life.

    I now have a better understanding of my behaviour and can see how irritating I can be to my colleagues! I also see that I do have insights that they miss so I am comfortable that on balance I make a positive contribution. I feel that my understanding of my Aspieness is helping me to fit in better. I have also told people at work that I have the condition and 99% of people react in a friendly way and a lot of them proceed to tell me about their Aspie friends or relations - it is really really common!

    Can I recommend two books? Living well on the spectrum by Valeria Gaus is a book that I read before getting a diagnosis. It's full of practical advice and it has helped me to adjust to the extrovert world.

    The second book is "Success as an Introvert for Dummies". This is again full of practical advice that may apply to both of you. The theme of the book is that it's absolutely fine to be an introvert and the author has sound advice about being comfortable with your position on the introversion vs extroversion scale.

Children
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