Hi everyone,
I'm very sorry; this is quite a long story but do bear with me. If anyone here has experienced anything like this, I'd really appreciate it if you let me know.
Last summer, I started seeing a psychiatrist privately. We only went to him because we needed a referral for some CBT (which I didn't get on particularly well with - though it is very effective for some people). So he referred me, and we didn't think I'd need to go after that. However, as I've discussed before on here, after quite a destructive bout of depression and OCD-related anxiety over the Christmas period, we went back to the psychiatrist because my family and I had made the decision for me to try some medication. I was prescribed sertraline, which, on the whole, has been absolutely brilliant. I know it's not a miracle drug or a long-term solution, but it has helped me through my exams and in building closer, healthier relationships with my loved ones.
Basically, I started off on a dose of 50mg. I had a nice "honeymoon period" with it, but after a couple of weeks it wasn't doing the job, so I went up to 100mg. I still had some lingering depression/anxiety (though it was much better by this point) so I went up to 150mg. And that was a BIG MISTAKE, as we later found out. It triggered really manic behaviour in me. Incidentally, the psychologist I used to see for CBT (the one we got referred to) explained that sertraline often gives people the opportunity to step back and look at their behaviour (don't ask me how it works!). So I have been reflecting a lot. Then, I always was an overthinker.
A while back, I posted a thread on here featuring a diary entry describing my seemingly odd mood patterns (which don't feel odd when they're happening, if that makes any sense). I talked about it with my psychiatrist last month, and he mentioned bipolar before I did, but said he was fairly confident it wasn't an issue with me. Yet when we told him about the mania I experienced whilst on the high dose of sertraline, he said that it was "quite scary" because it shouldn't have happened like that. In the session, we also talked about my all-consuming moods as a child, resulting in severe headaches and, as I approached my teens, physical chest pain, crying, disordered eating and suicidal thoughts when I've been at my worst, as well as several quite out-there and disturbing instances which have occurred throughout my childhood as a consequence of being "enthusiastic".
One of these "up" phases resulted in my devising this bizarre fantasy that I'd met a wonderful older boy who was sixteen (this was very shortly before I turned twelve). I kept it up for weeks, entertaining crowds with this saga, which culminated in me claiming that I was pregnant with his baby. Of course I didn't realise how serious what I was saying was, primarily because of my age, but still, I've been told that most children would have realised that they'd get into trouble for lying. I know that there are many ASC traits prominent in this anecdote, and it's a popular belief that I'd somehow picked up that these were the right things to say, or I did it to obtain approval from the other children. I can think of times when this has been the case, for example, when I had my eating disorder and was advising girls on dangerous "dieting" - not because I wanted them to come to any harm; anyone who knows me knows that I wouldn't hurt a fly, not intentionally, but I thought this was how NT girls made friends. There was more to it than that, of course, but it's a whole other story. However, the story of the encounter between this imaginary boy and me was devised when I was up and excited and I just wanted to tell a story. I know it can be an ASC thing to not always remember that your actions have consequences, but you'd just have to be a complete fool to think you'd get away with telling a child protection officer a complete and utter fabrication. The thing is, when I'm in a certain mood, I feel I could get away with anything. Thankfully, I wouldn't say I've done anything worse than that, but there are a couple of other quite disturbing stories I wouldn't broadcast. Though there are funny ones too - for example, on one of the days when I was still on the high dose of sertraline, I went and bought twenty lollipops I didn't want or need and handed them out to random strangers, and a couple of years ago when I was feeling so energetic I wasn't sleeping I baked a batch of cakes in the middle of the night (they were horrible!).
Anyway, my psychiatrist is now speaking to other professionals (to get a second opinion) about the possibility of me having bipolar.
This was on Saturday. I left the session pretty shaken up. I mean, there's me, not even having had my Asperger's diagnosis for two years yet, 17, having just finished my first year of A-levels...another diagnosis???
I was told in a former post that bipolar is genetically related to ASC, and I was wondering if anyone had experienced something similar? I'd also be really interested to hear about how you all cope with comorbidities.
Thank you very much for your time,
LivAgain 