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Why does none of this make sense?

ladynicotine

I've existed with depression for 17 years, medication works intermittantly, but am slowly & steadily getting worse.  There is a family history of depression, so I suspect I've got a dodgy gene somewhere.

 

Two months ago I was diagnosed as having ASD.  I've suspected this was the case for a number of years, but I seem to be finding people more & more difficult to relate to - probably as a result of the worsening depression.  I thought that getting an ASD diagnosis would mean I might be able to get some help with the "social communication" difficulties I'm having, & this might help lift the depression.  I know I will never be free of either.  However, all I seem to have got is "yes, you've got ASD, off you go & have a nice life".

 

I know I'm very lucky.  I'm still managing to work (I have to, to pay the mortgage), & I have no major issues communicating with people.  However all I can find is information along the lines of "you can deal with these issues in these ways" - but I don't really know what my issues are in any detail.  Apparently I'm supposed to feel relieved as a result of my diagnosis as now I "know I'm not alone".  This makes no sense to me - how does knowing others are suffering make me feel better?  I've tried asking the psychologist who diagnosed me & she couldn't/wouldn't explain.

The only person who seems to have benefited from the diagnosis is my psychiatrist - as I suspect that all the problems I've had with medication/therapy over the years will now be put down to "you're misinterpretting it because you have ASD".

What am I doing wrong?

Parents

  • Hello Lady Nicotine. I can identify with you thinking you don't know your own feelings and also with your frustrating interactions with neurotypical professionals who tell us to do things we can't do and then tell us we are not trying or not wanting to help ourselves.

    I won't presume you are like me but if perhaps you are then your mind and body are already more connected than most therapists could understand. This is sounding loopy even to me, but I'm describing how I feel in case it is something like how you feel. I don't have that separation of mind and body that would permit my mind to look at my body or my feelings from a distance. They interact constantly, I just needed to learn how to listen. I don't see this as a failing at all, I work with how I am.

    I will stop here in case you are thinking, who is this crazy woman, but I am happy to explain further if it would help.

Reply

  • Hello Lady Nicotine. I can identify with you thinking you don't know your own feelings and also with your frustrating interactions with neurotypical professionals who tell us to do things we can't do and then tell us we are not trying or not wanting to help ourselves.

    I won't presume you are like me but if perhaps you are then your mind and body are already more connected than most therapists could understand. This is sounding loopy even to me, but I'm describing how I feel in case it is something like how you feel. I don't have that separation of mind and body that would permit my mind to look at my body or my feelings from a distance. They interact constantly, I just needed to learn how to listen. I don't see this as a failing at all, I work with how I am.

    I will stop here in case you are thinking, who is this crazy woman, but I am happy to explain further if it would help.

Children
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