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Why does none of this make sense?

ladynicotine

I've existed with depression for 17 years, medication works intermittantly, but am slowly & steadily getting worse.  There is a family history of depression, so I suspect I've got a dodgy gene somewhere.

 

Two months ago I was diagnosed as having ASD.  I've suspected this was the case for a number of years, but I seem to be finding people more & more difficult to relate to - probably as a result of the worsening depression.  I thought that getting an ASD diagnosis would mean I might be able to get some help with the "social communication" difficulties I'm having, & this might help lift the depression.  I know I will never be free of either.  However, all I seem to have got is "yes, you've got ASD, off you go & have a nice life".

 

I know I'm very lucky.  I'm still managing to work (I have to, to pay the mortgage), & I have no major issues communicating with people.  However all I can find is information along the lines of "you can deal with these issues in these ways" - but I don't really know what my issues are in any detail.  Apparently I'm supposed to feel relieved as a result of my diagnosis as now I "know I'm not alone".  This makes no sense to me - how does knowing others are suffering make me feel better?  I've tried asking the psychologist who diagnosed me & she couldn't/wouldn't explain.

The only person who seems to have benefited from the diagnosis is my psychiatrist - as I suspect that all the problems I've had with medication/therapy over the years will now be put down to "you're misinterpretting it because you have ASD".

What am I doing wrong?

Parents

  • Hi Coogybear

    Some of what you say makes sense, so I'll grab that as somewhere to start from.

    I think I'm unable to identify my feelings - one of the therapists told me that I need to "get in touch with my feelings, & connect my mind & my body", but without giving any ideas how I might go about that.  Is it possible that I might not be able to identify what I'm feeling, & if so is there any way of learing?  If I can't identify my feelings it might be why I didn't get anywhere with Mindfulness when I tried - all I could come up with was how I felt physically.

    The depression is never going to go away completely, but I think that fact that it's got so much worse is what is causing me to start struggling with the ASD, which in turn makes me more depressed.  I need to find some way to break the cycle of negative thoughts, as you suggest, but unfortunately the only thing that's been suggested is "just stop thinking it" which I didn't find helpful.

    I also need to know how I might be able to identify my anxiety "triggers" - some mornings I wake up anxious (it feels like terrified, but this is probably me overreacting) - and I'm not aware of having been (conciously) anxious before going to sleep, or of having been dreaming.

    I realise you may not be able to answer any of these questions, but do  you have any ideas of where I might be able to look for help to point me in the right direction?

     

    LadyNicotine

Reply

  • Hi Coogybear

    Some of what you say makes sense, so I'll grab that as somewhere to start from.

    I think I'm unable to identify my feelings - one of the therapists told me that I need to "get in touch with my feelings, & connect my mind & my body", but without giving any ideas how I might go about that.  Is it possible that I might not be able to identify what I'm feeling, & if so is there any way of learing?  If I can't identify my feelings it might be why I didn't get anywhere with Mindfulness when I tried - all I could come up with was how I felt physically.

    The depression is never going to go away completely, but I think that fact that it's got so much worse is what is causing me to start struggling with the ASD, which in turn makes me more depressed.  I need to find some way to break the cycle of negative thoughts, as you suggest, but unfortunately the only thing that's been suggested is "just stop thinking it" which I didn't find helpful.

    I also need to know how I might be able to identify my anxiety "triggers" - some mornings I wake up anxious (it feels like terrified, but this is probably me overreacting) - and I'm not aware of having been (conciously) anxious before going to sleep, or of having been dreaming.

    I realise you may not be able to answer any of these questions, but do  you have any ideas of where I might be able to look for help to point me in the right direction?

     

    LadyNicotine

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