Infinity issues

Hello again. Wanted to share something that always seemed nonsense to others, but quite logic for me. I always had trouble with the idea of eternal life after death. While others always seemed to find relief in this possibility, to me it`s been the most horrifying thing imaginable. Thinking about existing forever was always far beyond distressing, and the certainty that it is either that, or ceasing existence at all, would make me feel trapped, doomed, and that there was no solution available at all. It used to be so bad, that I couldn´t even sleep as a child, and stress caused me the feeling that someone was whisperng in my ears, like when someone is mad at you, but it was not a hallucination because I knew it was in my head. I would love to know if anyone else has had this kind of trouble with time, death and eternity as well.

Parents
  • Eternal life and eternal death are equally panic-inducing concepts. Though the latter was the one that first gave me that feeling of pure existential terror when I was a child and first truly absorbed (while trying to sleep one night, a great time to think of eternal blackness while the world carries on without one) as the closest approximation  what 'death' truly meant, personally. There's a panic that goes beyond 'I have to fix or postpone this', because neither is possible. Not while we are organic beings. In the future, the far future, there will likely be immortals (or people - not composed of organic matter or non-transferable consiousness)-  with the option to live for 100 years, sleep for fifty, or pull the plug on themselves if they reach a point when that attempted equilibrium between oblivion and unremitting awareness no longer balances out the push-pull of the existential crisis. Those people will look back on us with amazement, thank us for our mortal service, the slow work in getting them there, layer upon layer. Just as we do to the people who invented the wheel or what have you. Anyway, yes, teetering on the brink of total inexpressible terror of eternity's long unfolding and picturing the infinite 'sleep' that goes with that can still leave me reeling at 3 am. I retreat, of course, back into everyday thoughts, or a podcast, or an assortment of trivia quizzes (can I name every Doctor Who director in order until I fall asleep... OK, go!) and I'm ironically better at quieting the panic than I was when I was further from death back then. 

Reply
  • Eternal life and eternal death are equally panic-inducing concepts. Though the latter was the one that first gave me that feeling of pure existential terror when I was a child and first truly absorbed (while trying to sleep one night, a great time to think of eternal blackness while the world carries on without one) as the closest approximation  what 'death' truly meant, personally. There's a panic that goes beyond 'I have to fix or postpone this', because neither is possible. Not while we are organic beings. In the future, the far future, there will likely be immortals (or people - not composed of organic matter or non-transferable consiousness)-  with the option to live for 100 years, sleep for fifty, or pull the plug on themselves if they reach a point when that attempted equilibrium between oblivion and unremitting awareness no longer balances out the push-pull of the existential crisis. Those people will look back on us with amazement, thank us for our mortal service, the slow work in getting them there, layer upon layer. Just as we do to the people who invented the wheel or what have you. Anyway, yes, teetering on the brink of total inexpressible terror of eternity's long unfolding and picturing the infinite 'sleep' that goes with that can still leave me reeling at 3 am. I retreat, of course, back into everyday thoughts, or a podcast, or an assortment of trivia quizzes (can I name every Doctor Who director in order until I fall asleep... OK, go!) and I'm ironically better at quieting the panic than I was when I was further from death back then. 

Children
  • Not while we are organic beings. In the future, the far future, there will likely be immortals (or people - not composed of organic matter or non-transferable consiousness)-  with the option to live for 100 years, sleep for fifty, or pull the plug on themselves if they reach a point when that attempted equilibrium between oblivion and unremitting awareness no longer balances out the push-pull of the existential crisis.

    Have you seen the TV series Altered Carbon?

    It explores the issue of near endless life (while you can afford to pay for it of course) and the impact that has on the psyche.

    Season 1 is really good but season 2 I felt was much more lazy.