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End of life cancer diagnosis for elderly parent

Casyellow

Hello, I'm new and this is my first post. I'm 43 and was diagnosed as autistic 3 months ago. I've not told my extended family yet as they are not fully onboard with neuro divergent brains as a concept. My dad has been diagnosed with end of life cancer. My sister in law set up a group chat to update the family. I live 6 hours away from my extended family. I have been told to stop asking questions on the group chat as it is upsetting people. I tried to ring Macmillan but can't get through. I wondered if anyone had a similar experience and how you navigate it all? I'm not very emotional and want the facts but I also want to support my dad mentally as he is now processing he is end of life. But I keep saying the wrong things. I feel like I need a list of rules! Thanks 

Parents

  • There are no rules, for this sort of situation.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is lacking the experience (in my opinion.)

    There are, however, some basic principles that I think are sound.  The most important of these (in my opinion) can be summarised thus;

    "It is a 'group experience' with the dying person's interests trumping all others, so for God's sake, don't allow one's own interests take centre stage."

    I commend you for not unleashing your A-word on the group, at this time.  I think that is compassionate of you.  I think others in your group perhaps don't have the bandwidth to extend you compassion and understanding at this time.  That is a pity, but I trust you probably can muster the stre gth you need.

    I wish you well at this tricky time.....I've been there.

    Tomorrow is another day.

    With kindest regards

    Number.

Reply

  • There are no rules, for this sort of situation.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is lacking the experience (in my opinion.)

    There are, however, some basic principles that I think are sound.  The most important of these (in my opinion) can be summarised thus;

    "It is a 'group experience' with the dying person's interests trumping all others, so for God's sake, don't allow one's own interests take centre stage."

    I commend you for not unleashing your A-word on the group, at this time.  I think that is compassionate of you.  I think others in your group perhaps don't have the bandwidth to extend you compassion and understanding at this time.  That is a pity, but I trust you probably can muster the stre gth you need.

    I wish you well at this tricky time.....I've been there.

    Tomorrow is another day.

    With kindest regards

    Number.

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you, there is some very logical helpful advice there. I don't think I was prepared for some people's reactions - not just about my dad's prognosis, but the reactions to my behaviour and questions. Your words, and everyone who has replied here, have been really helpful in navigating this situation. I was questioning my behaviour and shutting down a bit. I'm feeling less like I've done something wrong!