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End of life cancer diagnosis for elderly parent

Casyellow

Hello, I'm new and this is my first post. I'm 43 and was diagnosed as autistic 3 months ago. I've not told my extended family yet as they are not fully onboard with neuro divergent brains as a concept. My dad has been diagnosed with end of life cancer. My sister in law set up a group chat to update the family. I live 6 hours away from my extended family. I have been told to stop asking questions on the group chat as it is upsetting people. I tried to ring Macmillan but can't get through. I wondered if anyone had a similar experience and how you navigate it all? I'm not very emotional and want the facts but I also want to support my dad mentally as he is now processing he is end of life. But I keep saying the wrong things. I feel like I need a list of rules! Thanks 

Parents

  • Its really dificult, I'm lucky that my Dad was always very open about death and dying, so we were able to talk about a lot of stuff. I've often found that people who have had a terminal diagnosis are quite glad that theres somebody who's not afraid of the subject and can talk it about normally.

    Who's saying that you're saying th wrong things and who are you upsetting? Why are their needs greater than yours? Is there someone in the family who you could talk to one to one?

Reply

  • Its really dificult, I'm lucky that my Dad was always very open about death and dying, so we were able to talk about a lot of stuff. I've often found that people who have had a terminal diagnosis are quite glad that theres somebody who's not afraid of the subject and can talk it about normally.

    Who's saying that you're saying th wrong things and who are you upsetting? Why are their needs greater than yours? Is there someone in the family who you could talk to one to one?

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you for replying, I can talk to one of my sister's about it thankfully. And the Macmillan helpline phoned me back and were amazing. They answered all my questions and said it's good to talk about the facts as it helps everyone process the grief. I get lost sometimes with how I'm supposed to behave and confused about what I'm supposed to do or say. I would prefer to talk about all the facts but my extended family don't, they like to bury their heads. This has helped!