Sorry i think this is going to be long, a bit bitty and maybe a bit cross too. I adopted two children, seperately. I took on my daughter at age 2 with significant developmental delays (walking, speech). Five years later she still has massive behavioural issues, possible dyslexia, dyspraxia, stammering and tics, some sensory issues and issues with executive functioning but no firm diagnosis of anything because she is sociable and well behaved at school, she doesn't stand out and she is well liked, when reading about ASD in girls she has classic symptoms but she also has symptoms of attachment disorder, we have to manage every part of her day, she cannot manage herself, she is like a 4-5 year old, actually there are things that my girl can't do that my 3 year old can. At school she manages ok but I think a lot of it is repetition and following her peers. So that's my daughter.
My son is completely different. He has huge sensory issues, sound, smell, touch etc. As for his development he was very forward in a lot of areas, walking, climbing, his speech was forward and yet behind at the same time in that he knew some pretty big words and comprehension could put a good sentence together but could also be incomprehensible for a long time (even now at nearly 4 sometimes).
His behaviour as he has got older has been sliding downwards or maybe its that things are more noticeable as he is getting older. He started nursery and they were really enthusiastic about how he was settling in and even now about how he is happy and enjoys playing with the other children BUT what my boy tells me and some of the things nursery have also said leads me to think otherwise such as when he started he didn't speak to any of the other children for months and would always play with the same toy every day. According to nursery he has made friends of his own age. My boy comes home and tells me how his friends are mean to him and he doesn't like going he wants to stay at home, thats if I can get him to talk about nursery at all. When we leave him at nursery he is clingy and upset, when he comes home from nursery he is angry and moody. When I have observed him playing with other children at soft play he can be agressive, particularly if they are not playing how he wants them to. His initial reaction if I say we are going to meet another child is 'I don't like them'. he doesn't like otehr children touching him.
As my boy is getting older his behaviour is getting more restrictive and well... 'odd', he never wants to go out, if we are out he will tantrum to go home, his sensory issues are getting more complex, he used to let me wash his hair quite well but now he doesn't like it, food textures etc. If we go on holiday we have to take his familiar toys with him because he gets distressed if he doesn't have his things to play with, so last time we literally filled the boot of our car with his tool bench, his cars, puzzles etc. Even the grandparents find his behaviour difficult and my in-laws can't have my two children together. he won't talk to people he doesn't know, will avert his gaze.
Anyway, I am struggling to understand. From two observations, one hour at nursery and one with our adoption counsellor (just me and my boy present) they are saying there is not enough evidence to support an ASD diagnosis referral, that the nursery observation was positive 9did I read the same observation?)
They observed him tip-toe walking (actually the HV made quite a thing of that), they observed him getting in a spat with another boy but they also observed him getting along with activities (somewhat reluctantly at times, when activities were changed it was pointed out) and other children within the nursery environment (passing a toy phone, asking a question and asking if they wanted to play). I have handed over a behaviour diary that I took it upon myself to write because somehow I just knew i was going to face difficulties because of what we have been through with my daughter. The health visitor i saw today was lovely but she warned me that it will be a long process because the observations don't support what I am saying and I think it was the play bit. My boy will play with other children but usually it has to be on his terms and ordered. Some children he will take a total dislike to.
Is that completely and utterly at odds with an ASD diagnosis? Other things seem to completely support it so there is definitely something but how now do i get somebody to find out what?
I'm sure I am not neurotic but I am made to feel that way. Our home life is a disaster atm with the two kids and if I hear the words reward charts or parenting classes again I will scream.
