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Diagnosis

NAS88301

Evening!  
After years of believing I was different, suffering with anxiety that seems to be relentless and trying to understand why everyone else didn’t see/understand/notice half the things I do I have stumbled my way into the diagnosis process. 
truth be told I’m terrified of what this means. What if I am autistic what does that mean? Will it change anything? But more scary is what if I’m not!!  What the hell is it then?

since my first meeting last Friday I haven’t been able to concentrate on anything. Away with the fairies is a phrase I’ve heard. My next meeting is Saturday. 

hoping for a voice of reason to try and calm my racing mind. I am now reading everything I can on autism and I have to say there is a lot that’s ringing true. I’m stressing most about work. I have a senior job at a global company. Do I tell them? When do I tell them? How do I tell them? The company are hugely supportive of nuerodiversity but I’m still niggled by the thought of telling them. At the moment only my partner and my mom know. My partner is my rock and I don’t know what I’d do without him. My mom was shocked and is blaming herself I think for it not been spotted earlier. I’m in my mid 40s and feel that peri menopause I think perimenopause has heightened a lot of behaviours to the point I’m struggling to mask. 

anyone out there been through anything similar?….please

  • in reply to Inula

    Thank you so much netty 

    really appreciate you replying x

    im exhausted wish there was a pause button sometimes Heart️

  • Hi NAS88301

    My head was completely boggled after my pre diagnostic appointment - and then after my official diagnosis I felt like my head and all the thoughts in it were completely out of control. Things do settle down though :) 

    I relate to how your mum feels. I certainly felt a huge amount of guilt when my 40 year old daughter was diagnosed last year. How on earth could any decent parent miss something so huge?! In my case the reason was simple. She hid it so well. Exactly as I did. Add to that - she appeared to be just like me so as far as I was aware she was "normal". Just like me!  Thank goodness she was diagnosed though - otherwise I believe I would have continued to feel like I was broken but not quite know how or why. 

    I have no suggestions to make about breaking the news to your place of work as I have no experience of having to do that but good luck :) 

    Netty