Hi, on the directory there are many coaches listed. Most of them work remotely via zoom. I was wondering if anyone has any experience / recommendations as I am thinking this might help my son who is 11 years old but it's like picking a needle from a haystack as there are so many.
I am the one having to set rules or tell them no. However, I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. If I am very strict, it causes more anger / upset and is a miserable way to live.
Have you stressed to your partner the importance of having a united front in setting boundaries and enforcing the rules you set? Without it they are undermining you and kids, being kids, will exploit that to their advantage.
If they can agree to support you, you draw up an explicit list of house rules and set out the rewards & punishments for following them, then you will create an environment where the children know what to do and what not to.
There is a significant probability that you children will also be autistic so rules and structure are most likely good for their self regulation.
Give them advanced notice, get them to review the rules and have a "right to appeal" before they go live in order to give them a feeing of involvement (if only token) and stick the them even when you feel you may want to bend the rules sometimes. Make sure you follow them too.
There is no need to nasty when implementing the punishments - just tell them what rule they broke and that the consequence is (for example) no access to the internet for the next 2 days. Take their devices away after homework is done and just be matter of fact about it.
This should reign in the worst of the behaviour I believe - not sure everyone would believe in this form of rule setting and enforcement though,
sorry pressed reply too soon...
They know what acceptable behaviour is, as they have only been in trouble a couple of times at school. However at home, they will swear at me, push or hit me and be rude or abusive. This is probably because a lot of the time, I am the one having to set rules or tell them no. However, I feel stuck between a rock and hard place. If I am very strict, it causes more anger / upset and is a miserable way to live. So I need to find better ways, because I don't want the boys to grow up thinking it's ok to treat me this way. Just getting them to do simple things is a battle and then throw in gaming devices & phones it's just a constant battle.
I do feel a bit overwhelmed when it comes to seeking advice & support for my husband & children & although we were given recommendations as part of the assessment & outcome, most of it I need to find or do myself (e.g books, reading, finding therapists) I did ask the company who assessed my family for ongoing support, but she is inundated. My son is being seen by the local team, but by the time his appointment comes it will be approx 6 months wait.
I actually find these forums & support groups the most helpful.
Although we have realised traditional discipline won't work with my kids, we need to find some way of communicating and setting some boundaries. The boys do know what is and isn't "acceptable" forms of beha
At age 52 and recently diagnosed with autism in 2021, one thing that I have discovered about Autism is that there is a huge ignorance out there on the part of most people and refusal to acknowledge our struggles with autism and a point-blank refusal (perhaps based on prejudice) to understand anything about autism - there are those that still believe and maintain that the only way to manage both child and adult autism is via ultra strict discipline (and effective punishment for being autistic) in all settings, including by automatically disagreeing with and disapproving of everything the autistic person says or does or behaves, for the sake of disagreement/disapproval and as a form of “therapy” labelling all autistic behaviours as “mental health” and “behavioural” “issues” that need to be “corrected” by the use of “discipline” (punishment) and as correctly stated by others on this forum, is in reality abusive, in response to what is largely seen as a disability, yet at the same time, we are effectively in limbo, with ever decreasing services as a child becomes an adult and practically zero services for autistic adults - as a gay man who came out as gay in my teens, despite the fact that so many LGBT’s are known to be autistic and face huge prejudice and discrimination within the LGBT community if they “come out” (as autistic), there are no services within the LGBT community either - a child perhaps has a better chance of getting better access to the most relevant types of support, but as someone gets older, accessing relevant support (including private - and not just public or via autism charities) becomes more difficult, as we don’t know for sure what kind of support is wanted/needed going forward - the kinds of post-diagnostic supports required are very rarely if ever highlighted in the initial autism diagnosis (even if via Zoom snd email) nor in any initial post diagnostic assessments, something which needs to become a legal requirement, which failure to do so needs to become an issue of serious professional misconduct, especially in cases of children who are diagnosed with Autism
