Published on 12, July, 2020
The thread for listing the lifestyle changes that have...um...changed your lifestyle. Or something.
Even if these tips seem to others to be complete nonsense, they worked for *you*; and, who knows, maybe other people will try them out and s̶u̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶w̶a̶r̶d̶s̶ find that the recommendations also work for them?
Let us p̶r̶a̶y̶ begin:
(Coke: the Devil's Pop. Well, that doesn't sound very dramatic but you get the general idea)
Coke, or possibly, Choke: Since I gave up Coca Cola a couple of years ago, I have almost zero headaches and zero acid reflux.
(Fruit Loaf: The miracle cure for Steveness!)
Fruit Loaf: The miracle cure for...oh, I've already written that bit. Anyway, literally always after eating some fruit loaf, I feel remarkably well. Before fruit loaf, I was a middle-aged failure; after fruit loaf, I am a middle-aged failure with no fruit loaf left. Seriously though, this stuff works, dammit!
*shakes puny fist*
So there you have it. Post your tips here, or just ignore this thread and I'll get lost. Merci beaucoup. x
I was lying in bed the other month, idly wondering how I could avoid the strenuous effort of getting up and filling a hot water bottle - it was floopin' cold and, with toes rapidly turning into frozen fish fingers, I required a way to stop becoming Steve of the Antarctic. Suddenly, divine inspiration appeared out of nowhere; a bit like when an apple bonked on the bonce of Sir Isaac Newton and *looks at Wikipedia* he discovered gravy. Now, all that was needed was a simple means to enlighten mere mortal, non-scientific geniuses amongst the masses; here it is:
* Stage One: Take a pair of gloves.
* Stage Two: Put them on your feet.
* Stage Three: That's it - there is no more.
(Caption: Someone off Youtube who invented Feet-Gloves before me, but please ignore that bit)
Amazingly, when I told foolish friends about my plan to make billions via this revolutionary product and laid out the blueprints I'd crayoned, they scoffed with patrician disdain and said bizarrely irrelevant nonsense like: "Anyone can put some gloves on their feet, you moron - how the bloody hell are you going to copyright that? Oh god, how did I end up with friends like you...I've clearly failed in life...ffs, please shoot me" (and many other self-indulgent laments). They must be on drugs, I'm sure you'll agree. Perhaps, I concluded sadly, the world is not ready for such high-tech innovations; and so you can have this tip for free.
The German word for gloves literally translates as hand shoe. Which seemed to have enough relevance to share but I'm not quite sure in what way, so I'll just leave it there.