Sleep problem

Depression and anxiety will manifest to some extent as tiredness even when getting sleep. I think an inclination to spiralling anxiety means in any case poor sleep patterns, and physical manifestations of anxiety also causing tiredness.

Your daughter, sunshine-in-the-rain, may be having a lot of difficulty following social conversation. That means analysing everything to try and catch up, and also to make sense of "fall-outs" from conversations that leave a negative feeling, such as perceived criticism or sarcasm.

People not on the spectrum, who can keep up with social banter, learn that much of what might feel harmful is transient - once said both the speaker and the hearer forget it very quickly and move on. People on the spectrum are too slow to see the broader nuances and the temporariness of exchanges. So they go on processing incidents in social situations long after NTs would have forgotten - months even years.

The need to analyse increases the propensity to analyse, which may even become addictive - a constant need to reprocess past social situations. Feelings of being snubbed or sleighted, that most people would quickly forget, can linger on for years. The propensity to analyse, and the difficulty getting feedback or reassurance lends itself to constant recurring "post-mortem" internal debates. Loads of mostly trivial misunderstandings go round and round in your head. You become prone to pessimistic thoughts which negatively re-inforce a feeling of low self-esteem. You often play out scenarios for every possible outcome.

I've been surprised how often embarrassing situations that I've re-processed thousands of times, when I've finally plucked up the courage to confront someone about it, they haven't the foggiest idea what I'm on about or why I'd remember such a thing. Indeed on a surprising number of occasions (and I'm not implying any instrumentality here) the person who has become a focus in my head actually died not long after the incident occurred. That is to say it didn't matter all the years I subsequently processed it.

Added to the mental process, it affects the way you eat and is one factor in associated gastric conditions. It causes muscle tension, particularly in the back and neck. It causes physical stresses as well as mental.

So you do get really really tired. Add to this the possibility your daughter is being bullied, and not necessarily conventional bullying. Her peers may realise that she misunderstands or takes remarks too seriously and enjoy winding her up. Or they may find it easy to induce a meltdown.

Tiredness is pretty well inevitable. Also sleep may be the only escape.

Well she has hormones and growing up which does tend to make teens lethargic, on top of probably having shut-downs and accumulating existential stress.

Some people also just need more sleep.

If it's restrictive, isn't there a family member or close friend who can just watch TV downstairs whilst she sleeps so you can go out?

Hello Sunshine.

Change doc.  At least get another opinion.  Maybe this is how your daughter is and how she is meant to be, bless her, but maybe something is exhausting her that hasn't yet been found.

Among the ASD youngsters I work with, tiredness is not at all uncommon and I presume, a lot of the time, that it has to do with uncontrolled brain activity.  Who knows, though? And if it is, maybe it can be controlled a little, enough maybe to make your lives a little easier?

Warmest best wishes,