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Self neglect

NAS83587

Any suggestions to help my 60 year old brother in law?  He's lived alone in the family home since his parents died, with some care from my sister in law who lives nearly two hours away.  He's waiting for a formal diagnosis, but his brother and nephew are diagnosed so we're pretty sure he will be too.

He's lost a lot of weight, isn't cleaning, to the extent that visitors have been ill after going there)  - won't spend any money to fix broken household equipment  or maintain the house at all,(although he has savings) won't put the heating on or flush the loo for days.    At the same time, he wont get rid of anything that carries memories of his parents - to the extent that he keeps wrappers, foil etc on the surfaces.

He says he doesn't see the point of cleaning as it will only need to be done again the next day and it's too expensive to mend things, but won't accept our offers of organising and paying for repairs either.

Has anyone had any experience of this?  My sister in law doesn't want to have to stop helping him but it is upsetting her to see him neglecting himself and what was her family home.

Parents

  • ,

    I hope you are getting the support you need as this is a very upsetting and challenging situation.  I had a partner who was similar in the sense of hoarding and I tried to help in my own way but it all became too much for me to cope with because they were unable to help themselves or see the extent of their hoard.  They had lost both parents in quick succession so were barely holding on.  There were many mental health issues with them too which I was able to help with but it became too much when nothing I did helped or changed anything.  I see this a lot in hoarding programmes....

    I often watch hoarding programmes to see where I could have helped my ex more.  I see that it really needs professions to help psychologically, with germ hazards alongside family support (the family will also need their own support as you will know). 

    My guess is that his hoard is his way of feeling safe in the sense that he finds meaning and comfort in objects.  Even objects that we would deem as rubbish.  

    I think professional help is really needed here because of the multiple areas of help needed and because of the effect it's having on you and other around your brother in law.  I hope you find a way through it all.  

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  • ,

    I hope you are getting the support you need as this is a very upsetting and challenging situation.  I had a partner who was similar in the sense of hoarding and I tried to help in my own way but it all became too much for me to cope with because they were unable to help themselves or see the extent of their hoard.  They had lost both parents in quick succession so were barely holding on.  There were many mental health issues with them too which I was able to help with but it became too much when nothing I did helped or changed anything.  I see this a lot in hoarding programmes....

    I often watch hoarding programmes to see where I could have helped my ex more.  I see that it really needs professions to help psychologically, with germ hazards alongside family support (the family will also need their own support as you will know). 

    My guess is that his hoard is his way of feeling safe in the sense that he finds meaning and comfort in objects.  Even objects that we would deem as rubbish.  

    I think professional help is really needed here because of the multiple areas of help needed and because of the effect it's having on you and other around your brother in law.  I hope you find a way through it all.  

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