Referral to social and communication difficulty pathway, what to expect?

You say he has an IEP, but does he actually have a statement?  With a statement the parent gets input on what their child needs and whatever ends up on it is legally enforceable with the school.  It is also reviewable annually (and possibly on request if things are not working) to get amendments needed.

You can apply yourself through your local council it doesn't need to be done by the school.

The school could supply your son with ear defenders to wear in the canteen and could sit him in a quiet corner.  Poor little lad, no wonder he is coming home aggressive after being forced to stay in an unendurable situation to eat.

A child does not need a diagnosis to have a statement, although obviously it helps strengthen the case.

The school sound very cruel having that attitude and if a child has special needs they have to cater to them whether there is a statement or not.  Can you afford to get a private assessment?  You could still keep him on the waiting list for the NHS one as sometimes the NHS doesn't accept private ones, but the school should.  It would cost about £600-700+.

This website might help: http://www.ipsea.org.uk/contact-us

They know the law and there is lots of helpful information on there.

With the videoing, could you set up the camera/phone on a tripod or surface at the correct height ready to just press the button to record when he meltsdown? If you are not holding it he might not notice so much and you could be seen in it trying to placate him and how violent he gets then.

Thank you to you both for taking the time to reply to me.

in reply to you both, school is only interested at the minute with giving him extra help with his learning, he gets 2 1/2 hr sessions a week with a support teacher, he also used to go to the year group below him to do most of his learning as the school says this is where he is mentally? Also they have stated that they wish to keep him back a year when he returns back to school in September as they think that he will not cope with the structured environment of the year 2 classroom, something which I'm a bit unsure how to feel? I don't want him to be picked on even more when the children notice, as we have had loads of problems with him being bullied. 

the school aren't willing to give him a quiet area or somewhere to relax as they say that it is giving him special treatment, same as the food hall, I have requested that he eat somewhere he feels comfortable and I was told that they didn't have the staff  and didn't want him to do that as it would make it harder for him to get used to it! Basically all they have done is get a dinner time supervisor to check on him to see how much food he has eaten before letting him leave. 

it seems to me that until I get a diagnosis the school isn't willing to put any special measures in place for him, it's very frustrating :-( 

were currently on the waiting list for him to be assessed but I'm told it will be at least another 18 months. 

Im worried about getting him back to school after the holidays as we have found it very difficult in the past..

i have another meeting with SENCO and other authorities in September so I think I will bring the subject up of a quiet place for him again and see what they say this time, when the school is confronted in front of other authorities maybe they will be willing to Make small changes to help him more. 

also I have tried several times to video him when he has his meltdowns and no matter how conspicuous I try to be he always notices and runs and hides. I will however keep trying. 

Thankyou to you both 

There are a significant amount of autistic traits you mention, so I would get him assessed asap as a diagnosis will open doors and make it easier to get the right supports.  I can't believe that the school haven't provided him an alternative place to eat his meals but as a lot of things don't ask don't get, so I would suggest you write to the school formally requesting they do this.  Why should he go hungry because the environment is intolerable for him!

It's very common for autistic children to hold their stress in at school and release it at home, search on this website (NAS) "different behaviour at school and home" and you will see a whole page of information on it.

Hi + welcome.  No-one can here can definitely say whether your son is autistic or not but it's clear you have concerns + I think you should continue to push them with the professionals.  I can't answer all your questions, but I'm sure others will be along to help.  In answer to 1 of them : yes, children with autism can keep everything bottled up at school + then release all that massive amount of stress when they get home.  There are letters on here about it.  It's obvious from what you say that he hates school + has sensory difficulties with it.  What support does he get there - is there anywhere quiet he can go if he needs a bit of time out?  My son's an adult now + always went to autism specific schools which helped him a lot.  I know he would never have survived in mainstream, even with a teaching assistant who understood autism.  It can be helpful to all concerned if you cd video him at home to prove how he changes when school's finished.  This must be such a difficult time for all of you, but keep at it.  If he is autistic then he needs that diagnosis to get the support he needs educationally.  If you firmly believe he has autism then check out the home pg + the posts for ways of helping him.  He will respond to a set routine.  Some parents use a pictoral timetable so the child can see what s/he is doing nxt.  If he has sensory issues with noise or bright lights,or textures, or certain smells then take these things into account with his timetable.  Wishing you all the luck in the world.