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Anxiety to do with cat / hygiene

James H

Does anyone out there experience issues with hygiene, specifically to do with pets? I like my family's cat Jess but I get so incredibly anxious about hygiene / family members interacting with her that I spend most of my time at home up in my bedroom because I can't cope with all the anxiety of having to be around the cat. To name a few issues:

1.) Some sounds she makes when she is licking herself / eating can be unbearable for me and I can't cope with them. There have been times when I have been watching TV shows with my family but because these noises are so unbearable I just had to leave in the middle of it and go to my room to get away from the noise. It's especially  annoying when it's my night to do the washing up, I already struggle enough with having to touch other people's plates / things that sometimes I have to leave mid way through washing up because the cat came into the kitchen to eat and I can't cope with it. My family think I am just trying to avoid washing up but I happily do it other nights and I come back down after a few minutes once the cat is gone!

2.) The cat is banned from my room because I don't want to have to worry about her brushing against / making contact with certain possessions in my room, especially these guys:

Meet "Fluffy" and "Barnie", they are plush toys who are similar to a weighted blanket in the sense that they provide me with comfort / help me to cope with anxiety. I am absolutely paranoid about the cat getting to these owls even if I know she would probably ignore them. I get very frustrated at family members when they leave the door to my room open without closing it, potentially letting the cat wander in without me knowing. At least in the case my parents sort of understand these personal boundaries but my brother? Nope. In fact the reason I was prompted into writing this today was him, he took the snowy owl* away from me by force which is already bad enough, but then he stroked the cat and then started touching my owl with the same hand he had touched the cat with, having not washed it. Is it an irrational fear of him touching the cat and my owls? Yes. But he still needs to respect my personal boundaries and it really upset me that he would do something like that, especially as I told him after touching the cat not to touch my owl and yet he still did it. And he knows that it upsets me yet he repeatedly does similar things (on a sofa in our living room we have a blanket that the cat will lie down on and he would take my owls and put them down on the blanket despite me telling him not to.)

3.) The aforementioned point 2 is basically the reason I spend so much time in my room. I am in control and don't have to worry about these hygiene things. But anywhere else is total chaos. There is basically nowhere downstairs that is "safe" from the cat other than a high up shelf on our bookcase when I am eating dinner. At all other times they have to be on me, not with anyone else or lying down somewhere like the floor where the cat goes. And its not just these toys I worry about either, the cat has her own toys that frequently end up all over the place downstairs and I make sure to take great care in avoiding them. Perhaps other than the issue of the owls, nothing is more frustrating than when a family member leaves the tv remote in direct contact with one of the cat's toys / a blanket. It drives me insane, before even considering using that TV remote it will have to be wiped 'clean' and I will wash my hands thoroughly afterwards. 

So even if this was all a lot of rambling I hope you get a picture of what I am talking about and that at least somebody can relate. I am absolutely paranoid with hygiene and what family members / the cat are doing, I would never let a family member out of sight with my toys for fear of what they might do with them. And its not good for my mental health because I spend all my time locked up in my bedroom alone. I dont want to be there alone all the time, even if there are certain interests I like to explore for hours on end some days, but I can't bring myself to go anywhere else the majority of the time. I will also take the time to mention that the eating sounds thing is not isolated to my cat, but is something I encounter with my family at dinner times and when I am somewhere where other people are eating. There's a reason I eat my lunch and breakfast in my room if I can get away with it to avoid those sounds. There were times at school when I had to go into the toilets because I was having a meltdown not coping with eating sounds / loud talking - and this is one thing I cannot understand, why people would go to a study room and act like that. Extremely frustrating! 

I think in time I will be able to work on this anxiety and at least get to a stage where I feel able to even stroke my cat (yes you read that right we have had this cat for a year and not once have I stroked her.) In the mean time I am satisfied with watching her stare blankly in a random direction most of the time (which reminds me a lot of myself!), and I have no idea how or if I will ever get over this anxiety to do with my toys / hygiene. 

*incase you wondered just how seriously I take this, "Fluffy" is currently in quarantine on the end of my bed and I will have to do with cuddling Barnie tonight :)

A nice picture of the cat in my garden:

  • in reply to I Sperg

    The cat's name is Jess. I don't mind sitting next to her most of the time, I think something we noticed about her is she almost over-grooms herself (the hair on her legs is very thin) which could be why I often find I have sensory issues when I am around her. But she is welcome company most of the time, I just wouldn't let her in my room because of my toys / it being a personal space. I will see if I can find out more about the book you have recommended. I agree they certainly are very rewarding as I have seen it in my parents especially my dad, he was against getting a pet for a long time but the cat adores him and is rarely anywhere other than with him. In fact its basically guaranteed Jess will be on his lap any time he is on the sofa! And she makes it known she wants to be there, when he is sat down with his laptop Jess will ensure he moves it so she can lay down on him!

  • Here's the thing about hygiene.

    It is a massive help towards avoiding illness but YOUR immune system is what is really keeping you alive and healthy. And as someone said elsewhere, it needs an occasional "workout" just like the rest of you needs a bit of excercise form time to time.

    Cats already (justifiably) have the reputation of being one of the cleanest animals you can get, but just like us they get mucky from tie to time, and the poor little so-and-so's have to LICK IT OFF!! And they do. Industriously, until they have a perfect coat again. It plainly works well for them. But you can get the sound effects, and the movements which I find less than pleasing, tending towards annoying.

    Worse, they do other things that essentially make work for us. I DO NOT LIKE work being made for me, I feel busy enough trying to deal with my own stuff.

    BUT, it's the price you get to pay for the upside of cats. We now have two cats, one of whom "loves me to bit's" it seems, he is never far away from me if not actually perched on my lap, except when the back door is open, or there is food on offer or something interesting is happening. Pretty much the same deal we Autists offer the normies with whom we live... Cats can offer a fantastic education and real companionship, but only to those capable of receiving it, on their terms. 

    If you ever get to the point where you can both accept (and your cat wants to give) physical closeness, the sensation of a warm cat moulding itself to the contours of whatever bit she/he is perched on, can be quite exquisite. When during stroking them you allow your mind to wander, you'll find that it becomes an interactive experience where both of you can feel quite a deep bliss briefly, which I can tell you is a very nice nice feeling indeed. 

    Cats cannot be trained but they can be negotiated with, and agreements come to. But the skills don't appear in five minutes, it's a long time thing. We've had our cats nearly a year, and the process is visibly underway, but we still have a long way to go before we will really trust each other fully. But they are nice cats and are already making a lot of effort to adjust to, and trust us.

    What is your cats name?

    I'd recommend "cat confidential" as a good read sometime... It was a book that "clued us up" a bit. They are very rewarding once you understand them a bit better.

  • in reply to Martin

    I maybe wasn't clear enough on hygiene related stuff in the original post, I am mostly fine with sitting down next to the cat / where she has been / spending time with family downstairs so long as I am coping with sounds. I also don't really obsessively hand wash or anything like that, the main issue with hygiene is the idea of having my toys come into contact with the cat (especially without my knowledge.) So really it is the toys that are the issue when it comes to going downstairs / engaging with family. Also its worth mentioning my mum got diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis about 6-7 months ago, and her condition can be made worse by contracting relatively benign illnesses such as colds so I also have somewhat of an incentive to wear a mask when I go out in public and stay hygienic as much as possible to avoid spreading any illnesses to her. 

    I think for me the obvious goal should be to get to a stage where I can cope with being without my toys downstairs most of the time, that way I remove most of the hygiene barriers (I still doubt I would stroke the cat but I would be able to engage with my family more / get more exposure to less harmful viruses / bacteria.)

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I have heard of misophonia before and I think I briefly mentioned my issues with eating sounds when I was getting counselling but it didn't really go anywhere. I wouldn't say I obsessively clean or hand wash fortunately, even if I might get the urge I usually just clean my hands once when it would be normal to do so (after going to the toilet, after washing up.) I also no doubt encounter plenty of viruses and bacteria in my room which isn't the most tidy of places! Generally I feel comfortable sitting next to the cat when the noises aren't unbearable, and will take my toys down with me and hold on to them rather than putting them down on the sofa. The problems usually start when:

    - family members start using the cat toys and throwing them / dangling them about quite near me / toys.

    - my brother takes my toys from me and puts them somewhere the cat can access / have been.

    - the already mentioned issue with noises

    Otherwise the rest of the time I am comfortable being downstairs when Jess is around :)

  • Fluffy and Barnie are adorable. I hope they continue to provide you with much comfort for many years. They look so comfortable tucked up like that in your photo. They might be just as comfortable sleeping in a cat proof box while you are not in the room with them. 

    Your issues with the cat appear to have two aspects, noises and hygiene.

    Your sensitivity to certain noises, particularly eating noises, sounds very much like Misophonia. You'll find a lot of information online about it. Certain noises can be unbearable for sufferers and produce an intense physical and emotional response. With me it is mainly a certain high pitched type of dog barking which triggers such a response.

    Would you be able to tolerate some sort of ear plugs or ear defenders, to wear in the kitchen while washing up? Alternatively could you close the kitchen door before you start to ensure the cat stays out? If you explain the issues to your parents I am sure they will be more understanding and realise that you are not trying to get out of doing the washing up.

    I can certainly relate to not being able to cope with eating sounds and loud talking. I spent far too much time trying to escape in the toilets, during my school / college years and in the workplace. 

    With regards to the hygiene aspect I can be quite obsessive about such things myself. I'm lucky that I've never had to live in the same household as a dog or a cat. Like you I cannot bring myself to even stroke them. I hate it when I see people letting their pets sit on the furniture. When I sit in a public place I sometimes think there might have been a dog sitting there before me and want to wash my clothes as a result. However it's important to recognise these thoughts as just that and not act on them. If you research the scientific aspects of hygiene, as Martin suggests, you will understand that the perceived danger is not real. Acting on these thoughts, by obsessive cleaning and hand washing, can lead to OCD type disorders.

    You are absolutely right to be setting your own personal boundaries and expecting others to respect them. Your brother's behaviour is very unkind. I can only imagine that he thinks the situation or the way you respond is funny. If after explaining you can't get him to understand how much it is upsetting you, then speak to your parents about it. 

  • Get a door closing mechanism for your room, that will solve one problem.

    Your ideas on hygiene seem to be problematic, as they are interfering with your interactions with other people, and your household pet. Speaking as a biomedical scientist, your immune system absolutely requires challenge from the less harmful viruses and bacteria in the environment. If your immune system is not challenged by environmental microbes you are at increased risk of two possibilities. 1) You will be more severely affected when you do encounter more harmful, disease-causing microbes, because your immune system is not operating optimally. 2) Lack of challenge from microbes can lead to an increased incidence of allergies and auto-immune diseases, because an immune system with nothing to do, will find find problematic targets to act on.