behavioural psychologists (sussex)

I think you need to read up a bit more about "appropriate ways of dealing with anger"  "behaving in certain situations which he struggles with" in an ASD context.

You are treating your child as if intentionally wayward and somehow able to change with persuasion by some kind of pschologist/therapist.

One reason for bad reactions is that you go on and on at him about changing his behaviour as if lecturing him will somehow knock some sense into him.

You need to look into the issue of sensory overload.  There are theories about "bandwidth" as a factor (eg Digby Tantam at Sheffield) which doesn't seem to be being taken up by the experts, but I can only comment personally that it makes sense to me.

People on the spectrum have a narrower bandwidth within which to manage information from their environment and from people communicating with them. It takes longer to take it in and sort out.

Also people on the spectrum take longer to resolve/diffuse issues like criticism, or apprehension, so it goes round and round in their heads and intensifies the overload.

Often when people on the spectrum have a meltdown, it isn't some immediate that triggers it, but multiple issues that they are continually trying to resolve building up to explosion point.

I grew up before these things were understood and without a diagnosis, and the thing that maximised my depression was my parents trying to sort me out, usually one but sometimes both - "look at me when I'm talking to you", "what did you mean by that last thing you said" "stop mumbling" "stop" this that and every other thing.

I was more inclined to keep bottling up than exploding, but my own phrase for the pressure was "last straw syndrome". Because that's how I've always seen it.

The psychologist still works from a variant of the Triad of Impairments that covers everything under social and communication or repetitive behaviour. The panel that set up the NICE guidelines thinks "avoiding crowds" is due to repetive behaviour. The psychologist wont address sensory overload - he'll just refer you to a doctor to prescribe your child a pill to swallow that will dumb down everything.

What you need to do is invite your child to discuss the things causing them concern, and listen without butting in (and please not phrases like "everyone has that problem" or "you'll grow out of it"). Because if you can help your child resolve some of the issues going round in his head, by clearing up misunderstandings, or intervening with others for him, he'll be less pressured and less angry.

But it will be a long long time before you hear that advice from a psychologist. Because they aren't prepared to take sensory overload seriously.

I think you need to read up a bit more about "appropriate ways of dealing with anger"  "behaving in certain situations which he struggles with" in an ASD context.

You are treating your child as if intentionally wayward and somehow able to change with persuasion by some kind of pschologist/therapist.

One reason for bad reactions is that you go on and on at him about changing his behaviour as if lecturing him will somehow knock some sense into him.

You need to look into the issue of sensory overload.  There are theories about "bandwidth" as a factor (eg Digby Tantam at Sheffield) which doesn't seem to be being taken up by the experts, but I can only comment personally that it makes sense to me.

People on the spectrum have a narrower bandwidth within which to manage information from their environment and from people communicating with them. It takes longer to take it in and sort out.

Also people on the spectrum take longer to resolve/diffuse issues like criticism, or apprehension, so it goes round and round in their heads and intensifies the overload.

Often when people on the spectrum have a meltdown, it isn't some immediate that triggers it, but multiple issues that they are continually trying to resolve building up to explosion point.

I grew up before these things were understood and without a diagnosis, and the thing that maximised my depression was my parents trying to sort me out, usually one but sometimes both - "look at me when I'm talking to you", "what did you mean by that last thing you said" "stop mumbling" "stop" this that and every other thing.

I was more inclined to keep bottling up than exploding, but my own phrase for the pressure was "last straw syndrome". Because that's how I've always seen it.

The psychologist still works from a variant of the Triad of Impairments that covers everything under social and communication or repetitive behaviour. The panel that set up the NICE guidelines thinks "avoiding crowds" is due to repetive behaviour. The psychologist wont address sensory overload - he'll just refer you to a doctor to prescribe your child a pill to swallow that will dumb down everything.

What you need to do is invite your child to discuss the things causing them concern, and listen without butting in (and please not phrases like "everyone has that problem" or "you'll grow out of it"). Because if you can help your child resolve some of the issues going round in his head, by clearing up misunderstandings, or intervening with others for him, he'll be less pressured and less angry.

But it will be a long long time before you hear that advice from a psychologist. Because they aren't prepared to take sensory overload seriously.