I'm 27 and since as long as I remember I've had trouble feeling "Normal". I remember when I was 10 and started having the odd panic attacks but back then I didn't really fully understand what it was. I also seem to fully be aware of my breathing, like constantly, feeling like I can't breath properly. I know breathing is suppose to come naturally. Even other things in my body like swallowing or anything I do, I seem to be fully aware too much. If I think about my heartbeat it causes me to get anxious and sometimes panic attacks. I always seem to be in a tense state, Hardly been able to relax and focus what's in front of me. I'm constantly in my head over thinking little things I've done through the day. Or even stuff I've done, last week, month or years ago. Even when I go do simple things like. Haircut, shop, public transport, and many other simple little things. I'm always self conscious. And thinking about it after I've done them. I feel like I'm been judged all the time. I've been depressed and unmotivated since I was like 14/15 and it's been a struggle. I always try to look normal when I'm around people, but I don't know how much longer I can take if this, I'm exhausted. I also have tics. Worse in the morning, I try to control it in social situations, but that too is exhausting. I feel like I've lost my personality. Can't remember the last time I laughed without forcing it. I do have a family that's caring, but I've never been able to explain things properly. I don't know how to say all the to a doctor as my mind will probably freeze up and go blank. There will be a lot more I probably need to say, but at the moment I can't think of everything. I'm sorry if this is long to read. But I've wasted the most important years of my life and want to live for a change.
