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19 year old daughter unable to accept ASD diagnosis

NAS76626

Hi

I'm new to this forum but at the end of my tether so thought I've got nothing to lose.

My daughter is 19 and was given her diagnosis a few years ago after school refusing and self harming came to light.

She has always refused to accept her diagnosis and it's become a subject we ( my husband and myself) dare not mention.

She also has depression ( on sertraline ) and what's been classed as disorganised eating disorder.

She's always struggled to keep friends. She's had several occasions where groups have eventually distanced themselves from her which obviously makes her and us extremely sad.

She is now away at university and is repeating her first year. She, like many people, had an awful year last year and it resulted in her being unable to submit work in order to pass the year. She has a real issue with organising herself and keeping on top of emails so misses deadlines etc.

Because she won't or can't accept she has ASD she is not asking for help and i see the same problem happening again.

My main concern ATM is with friendships. She lives in a shared house and I think the others have probably got tired of her being down or a bit "different"

All I want is for her to be accepted and to be happy but I don't know of a way to help her.

Sorry this is a ramble- I'm a bit emotional ATM

If anyone has had a similar experience it might help me to know how best they approached it

Parents

  • Goodness, your daughter sounds a lot like me at uni. I had a terrible time making/keeping friends, couldn't stand the post-lecture group workshops, and was completely disorganised. I had no idea I might be autistic back then, but it would have explained a whole lot, because of that I had no support and no understanding of why I was struggling when no one else seemed to. I could've probably kept up better if the course had been purely academic, but there was a huge practical aspect to it which involved a lot of team work and erratic work schedules and I struggled. More than academically though, I struggled socially. Eventually I couldn't cope anymore and I left.

    Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to read. But I did go on to get a job and build a life and a support system for myself, before starting again on a different course that was far more suitable and that I thoroughly enjoyed.

    Perhaps to start with you could suggest talking about how she would like to deal with things she finds difficult. You don't have to mention autism, but if you know where she struggles then you could maybe help her find/develop strategies that might help, if she'd let you. 

    Does she receive any counselling or support for her depression or ED diagnosis? Because if she could access that either through the university or a GP, then that might help too. 

    Like others have said, it would be great if she could start to see autism in a positive light and accept her diagnosis, but perhaps that isn't something she can deal with right now, especially if she is struggling with her current situation. I wonder if she saw Melanie Sykes talking on the news about her recent ASD diagnosis recently. I saw her interviewed and she was so wonderfully open and positive and upbeat about being autistic.

Reply

  • Goodness, your daughter sounds a lot like me at uni. I had a terrible time making/keeping friends, couldn't stand the post-lecture group workshops, and was completely disorganised. I had no idea I might be autistic back then, but it would have explained a whole lot, because of that I had no support and no understanding of why I was struggling when no one else seemed to. I could've probably kept up better if the course had been purely academic, but there was a huge practical aspect to it which involved a lot of team work and erratic work schedules and I struggled. More than academically though, I struggled socially. Eventually I couldn't cope anymore and I left.

    Sorry, that's probably not what you wanted to read. But I did go on to get a job and build a life and a support system for myself, before starting again on a different course that was far more suitable and that I thoroughly enjoyed.

    Perhaps to start with you could suggest talking about how she would like to deal with things she finds difficult. You don't have to mention autism, but if you know where she struggles then you could maybe help her find/develop strategies that might help, if she'd let you. 

    Does she receive any counselling or support for her depression or ED diagnosis? Because if she could access that either through the university or a GP, then that might help too. 

    Like others have said, it would be great if she could start to see autism in a positive light and accept her diagnosis, but perhaps that isn't something she can deal with right now, especially if she is struggling with her current situation. I wonder if she saw Melanie Sykes talking on the news about her recent ASD diagnosis recently. I saw her interviewed and she was so wonderfully open and positive and upbeat about being autistic.

Children
  • in reply to Meeples

    Thank you for taking the time last year to reply to my post. I couldn't carry on with any conversation aboyt the situation and my worries at that time. it's a year on now and she has dropped out of uni and is living here at home. Today's situation is very like that of a year ago apart from her now being with us instead of 200 miles away. Can i ask if your parents were aware of your struggle and did they have support? You mentioned that you left uni. What did you do to help you get back in control of your life? She's been on the waiting list for counselling for 5 months and it's likely to be several more before she gets an appointment. i'm clutching at straws not knowing how to help her