Published on 12, July, 2020
Good evening,
I’m after some advice. It’s a bit of a long one, and feel slightly at my tether.
My daughter is 7 years old. Since the second she discovered she had hands she’s always wiggled her fingers underneath her chin. Nursery never raised this as a problem, and in reception (she didn’t transition well as she went from a small class to 60 kids) noticed it first few weeks but by the end of reception said they felt it was more out of habit than anything. Normally when she’s been excited or anxious.
we had no problems during year 1 in school, but because she was falling apart of home most evenings school had an external expert in one day and said they had time to view her. Mainly due to forgetting her cardigan at times and taking her time to get changed. They noticed that did show some sensory types of behaviours, such as chewing her fingers and cardigan, that she is quite determined and strong willed and did not always comply straight away with the instructions she was given by the teacher and does appear to have some sensory seeking behaviours which she displays, mainly in a classroom environment. This does not seem to affect her ability to learn effectively and overall she is coping quite well. Also noted that she was very sociable and played happily with a group of girls with no issues.
of course Covid lockdowns put an end to regular schooling that year, and she accessed childcare element during lockdown without problems. By year 2, she was becoming quite withdrawn, and unhappy but continued to have a good group of friends and wasn’t impacting her ability to learn. We learnt she was being bullied by a specific child.
by the start of this school year, we’ve locked horns with the school. She was being bullied with such abhorrent language she was falling apart. We got her into talking therapies where it was disclosed she was being told better of dead, that this child was going to kill her etc. She disclosed to the taking therapist that she was self harming at school to cope.
rather than acknowledge there’s a problem in the school, I’ve ended up locking horns with the head. I’ve got no assurance in school, but have a younger child so not easy for me to consider moving them - plus they’ve both got good groups of friends that it seems harsh (better the devil you know) but school are quite adamant that she needs an asd assessment. And I’m not sure she does.
any advice much appreciated
Ok it could be both you know. The school can be doing a rubbish job and she could still be autistic. If they are screwing up I say give them enough rope to hang themselves with. If your daughter doesn't have ASD they look stupid. If she does they have been turning a blind eye to an autistic student being bullied. They probably think if they can put a label on her they can A) justify treating her differently B) get more money for her C) try and argue they aren't equipped to handle her and get her out of the school. I think they are probably wrong on all counts though. What might happen if she gets an ASD diagnosis, if you push hard for it, is she gets an EHC plan which yes comes with some money for the school but also a list of rules and conditions they need to follow in the way they treat her.
That's what I'd do. I'd tell them you're happy for her to have an ASD assessment and if it comes back positive you're going to ask for a EHC plan and you'll ask for it to include a bullying prevention strategy.