High Blood Pressure and Stress from family member-Help please

Hello all,

Please can someone advise me? I live alone with my elderly father. He disregards my diagnosis of ADHD and Asperger's. He refuses to acknowledge any health problems that I may have and claims that I merely set out to give him stress. He asks how he is supposed to live with someone like me (!). I look after him most of the time-cook, clean, wash, iron etc. He says that he is not stopping me from living elsewhere. I would do so if that were financially possible and the GPs have asked if I do not have a friend or somewhere else to live. I do not at the moment. In any case, the house is partly mine and I do not trust my father with its security or that of its contents. -We have already been burgled in the past because of his irresponsibility.- He takes his frustration at his own ailments out on me and is sarcastic or passive-aggressive. I have had to go to the hospital this week owing to sudden high blood pressure. He insists that it is not high although medics say otherwise. I also have gastric problems and I am frightened about the impact of my father's reactions on my own health. He demanded to know what the doctor's advice was this morning and I said that I was told to remove myself from sources of stress and that's why I was going for a walk. He went airborne at this. Does anyone please have any suggestion? Thanks in advance.

  • Rubbish! I'm sorry, but there just IS something they can do, they are just fobbing you off  When a loved one was poorly with MH, I qualified with a budget ( that I never used but was there) and got a support worker. My husband has had the same in relation to me 

    You ARE entitled to a carer's support assessment. Talk to your GP or direct to MH support. Or even the council.. they ought to have services.

    You are caring of a 90 year old with a shed load of needs of your own. You need respite, emotional support and protection yourself. 

    They are NOT doing good enough by you and and need to up their game now!

    It sounds like some one ought to assess your dad too. Bless you (virtual hug).

    I am feeling quite angry for you here. If I could turn up on your door step, I'd be firing off cross letters left right and centre. As it is you are left to fight your own corner.. but I'm thinking of you.

  • Hello Dawn,

    Thanks for replying. He is in his 90's but looks twenty years younger. He has always been like this. I looked after my mother before and he was jealous that we were so close. He always has believed that children have obligations but no rights. Any support needs to be with the authority of the person cared for. I have no authority to do anything. I am close to the age threshold for receiving financial support as a carer and I have no siblings. Unfortunately,  when it was flagged up to social services that I might need support they told me that there was nothing that they could provide and that they would just close the case.  

  • Would I be correct in assuming that you are effectively your father's carer? How old is he?

    You could apply for carer's support from MH services. They should offer emotional and practical support for you  particularly in view of your own needs. They might point you in the direction of some respite or other care services. Sounds like you desperately need a break.

    Only you know what your relationship with your father has been over a life time. Was he always like this? Many old people become apparently "self-centred". They are quite that really, it's just as they decline their own suffering takes over and they lose some capacity to consider others are suffering too. If his behaviour has become this way as he's got older, is there any possibility he has a touch of dimenture?