Hello, i am a 56 year old man, i have had certain problems for as long as i can remember, and quite by chance, i read about Aspergers. I was shocked to find that i was reading about myself, and would like a formal diagnosis. In the meantime, i thought i would list a few of my problems on here, and see if anybody recognises them. I have great difficulty socialising, i dont know what to say to people, and feel really awkward when there is a couple of seconds silence. often i over compisate, by babbling and just talking too much about nothing . i also have great difficulty getting words across. i can write a brilliant letter, i am brilliant at English, grammer, language etc. but if i have to explain something, or make a speech etc. i get into a flap, and just cant find the words. for example, before a visit to the doctors, or making a phone call, i have to plan, and sometimes write down what i intend to say, or it all comes out wrong.It feels as though i have a blockage in my mind, the stuff is all in there, i just cant get it out. i have extremely low self esteem, and self confidence, and i have a yearning for people to like me, for that reason, i am very hurt and offended if somebody is rude to me. i have been told i am immature for my age, and indeed, i look at other people my age, and see them as older, i dont feel 56 in my mind. i have been called paranoid, but i've always put that down to my ability to see through peoples bull**it, though i am beginning to wonder. i do , however have a gift of reading peoples characters after a short time, and often i have been proved right. i have a very low concentration factor, i cant follow films, and dont recognise actors, and get very frustrated. If somebody is speaking to me, and somebody else says something to me, it sends me int a spin, just cant concentrate on more than one thing. i get bored very easily too. i need routine, or i crack up. i wouldnt say i am obsessed with things, but if i do something, i have to do it properly, or i get frustrated and angry. I am clumsy. I find it hard to follow instructions, and need to hear it again, or have it written down. I am alcoholic, but have been dry for six years, since my wife of 22 years had an affair, and kicked me out, cant really blame her, who wants to live with a drunk. She told me enough times, but i never took her seriously. Funny though, now i look back, the drink was just a crutch, and these problems have knocked me for six since i stopped. all the time i was drunk, the problems stayed supressed. i have been on anti depressents for six years, and am living in a poky bedsit, struggling to cope. i actually found a woman on a dating site, who i fell in love with after one date, as she seemed to like me. We stayed together a few weeks, and she finished it, saying she couldnt cope with my issues! I didnt even know they were on display! so much for my acting.Recently, i have become acutely aware of my issues, almost to the point of paranoia, i am now scared of trying another relationship, because of the thought of rejection again. Theres loads more little details i haven't put here, it would take too long, but that is a pretty good summing up of myself. I just dont know where to go from here. I have a rather unsympathetic doctor, so who can i go to. Sorry this was a bit long winded, but i felt i needed to get it off my chest. I would be eternally grateful if anyone on here has any advice. Many thanks for reading this
