I know this is selfish as many people have had to close their businesses and would prefer life to go back to how it was. But I can't help the way I feel.
I had my assessment during lockdown. I haven't been able to "road test" any staretgies yet as there have been reduced demands due to lockdown, it's apparent to me, just how much daily life demands of me. The drip drip effect over the years has fed into my anxiety.
I've talked with my partner about how I feel and stated that on a personal level, things cannot just go back to how they were before otherwise what was the point of having the assessment. He's very supportive and I'm lucky to have him, but I don't think he realises how much daily demands have an impact. I don't think he realises how much my brain has to work when I'm socisl interactions with others.
I don't want to use my new found diagnosis as an excuse not to do stuff. I want to do things as before but with being more mindful. It's this which I haven't been able to explore yet.
Aside from that, I've loved not having any expectations to see others at the weekend. I haven't actually missed not seeing friends....I've had enough interaction over texts and the odd videocall. Friends have talked about missing going on holiday, missing going for a coffee or out for lunch. I haven't missed any of that. I have the feeling that many people do this stuff as quite common place whereas for me, I like to see it as a real treat. I don't want society to go back to rushing about. Cars. People. The rat race. Maybe it'll get less busy where I usually go for walks cos people will have more choice of what to do in their spare time. That's one good thing.
I think it'll have to be a case of look after myself and don't think about others rushing around..that's their perogative.
I know this isn't solely an autistic thing. But how I'm dealing with it I think is, and i think some of the difficulties will be to do with autism (more brain power being used in interactions, more demands on EF). I have problems with getting stuck on thoughts and I cannot get past "lockdown is ending and its gonna be sh*te". I've spent all day feeling sad and gave been tearful for the past two hours. I've been in a strange mood all day and don't know why.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with these thoughts or if you feel the same, please let me know. (No NT bashing please!) Also if anyone knows of any resources or has strategies themselves for lightening the load in social situations please let me know.
Thanks.
