HELP!!! Shutdowns?

I need help... 

My teen shutdowns quite often. Some days they are quite severe and others aren't as bad. She was always shutting down in school nearly everyday. That was the first time I heard about them and I still have no clue what they are. Can anyone explain? I feel like an awful mother not understanding my child. 

How can I help her during one? 

Thanks x 

Parents
  • I used to when I was younger. But I have learned how to create my own aesthetics and calm surroundings. I also do not allow myself to be overloaded -especially by social situations. The world can be chaotic, so I've learned to make my home a place I can recoup by doing a few things: No pre-made scented products. Ecover zero cleaning and laundry products. I make my own beeswax candles (but barely use them). I have a few pure essential oils in water if I want to spritz something about - lavender, orange and eucalyptus tend to keep the spiders out. I've also replaced almost ALL of my lightbulbs with incandescent or halogen. LEDs give me headaches, though I have a rock salt lamp with one and I suppose the rock is so thick it dissipates the light so it's quite nice. Also, clutter can really make me feel out of sorts. Things are tidy, walls mostly bare, and everything has a place. what I don't need I throw out, I'm not sentimental (not everyone is like this). Over the years I've started spending time researching everything I want to buy. I also have a regimented diet for health reasons - gluten/grain free, lots of fish, a mushroom complex and red meat once a month.

    With my son I practice never interrupting, which is easy for me, but hard for some parents. we set a schedules in the morning or the night before or give an hours notice or ask, when shall I check in again, it helps. I made my mother give me a 20 minute warning if she had plans to go somewhere. On hard days, you could allow her to just have dinner in her room.

    Unnatural scents can make me feel threatened, polyesters - I feel suffocated, LEDs and Fluorescents feel angry, and then sound... all that and add social media, social anything - it's too much. Sometimes a task in the quiet is helpful. Cleaning the floors with no one around, no music, natural cleaner with lavender - reconstructive. Lego bricks - who knew! So relaxing.

    As for school, are there secret places she can check out in during the day? A music practice room during lunch or a library? To add: it wasn't until I started to understand how and find tools to create healthy boundaries with other humans that the social chaos became much more bearable. 

Reply
  • I used to when I was younger. But I have learned how to create my own aesthetics and calm surroundings. I also do not allow myself to be overloaded -especially by social situations. The world can be chaotic, so I've learned to make my home a place I can recoup by doing a few things: No pre-made scented products. Ecover zero cleaning and laundry products. I make my own beeswax candles (but barely use them). I have a few pure essential oils in water if I want to spritz something about - lavender, orange and eucalyptus tend to keep the spiders out. I've also replaced almost ALL of my lightbulbs with incandescent or halogen. LEDs give me headaches, though I have a rock salt lamp with one and I suppose the rock is so thick it dissipates the light so it's quite nice. Also, clutter can really make me feel out of sorts. Things are tidy, walls mostly bare, and everything has a place. what I don't need I throw out, I'm not sentimental (not everyone is like this). Over the years I've started spending time researching everything I want to buy. I also have a regimented diet for health reasons - gluten/grain free, lots of fish, a mushroom complex and red meat once a month.

    With my son I practice never interrupting, which is easy for me, but hard for some parents. we set a schedules in the morning or the night before or give an hours notice or ask, when shall I check in again, it helps. I made my mother give me a 20 minute warning if she had plans to go somewhere. On hard days, you could allow her to just have dinner in her room.

    Unnatural scents can make me feel threatened, polyesters - I feel suffocated, LEDs and Fluorescents feel angry, and then sound... all that and add social media, social anything - it's too much. Sometimes a task in the quiet is helpful. Cleaning the floors with no one around, no music, natural cleaner with lavender - reconstructive. Lego bricks - who knew! So relaxing.

    As for school, are there secret places she can check out in during the day? A music practice room during lunch or a library? To add: it wasn't until I started to understand how and find tools to create healthy boundaries with other humans that the social chaos became much more bearable. 

Children