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Borderline Personality Disorder or Autism or Both?

NAS68723

Hey guys,

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder 10 years ago. I have since had this diagnosis revoked by numerous professionals and told I have complex PTSD. I am definitely sure that I have complex PTSD but I would like to know whether I have BPD and whether i have Autism. Another thing to note is that I definitely have ADHD. I was also told by a therapist that I was seeing for 7 years that she thought I might have Aspergers. The NHS has refused to refer me to a specialist and I cannot afford to go to a private specialist to get referred. I know it isn't viable to self diagnose but it would be really helpful if I could have your opinions as to whether you thought I sound like i might be on the spectrum somewhat.

Symptoms/ relevant information:

I have really strong fears of abandonment and being left alone.

I don't get more angry than the average person

I have really overwhelming emotions

When I get triggered I sometimes self harm

I am very sociable and do not experience social anxiety

I experience severe sensory overload

I experience hyperfocus which I have previously put down to my ADHD, and have deep knowledge in particular subjects.

I have a very logical brain and have a degree in mathematics.

My language/ speech isn't different.

My partner says that I sometimes talk a lot and take up more conversation time than her, so perhaps this indicates a lack of social reciprocity, but I am aware of when I do this, and I know I am very chatty.

I have never had trouble keeping or maintaining friendships.

I am very emotionally sensitive

I never feel awkward in social situations, I am extraverted and am confident socially.

On occasion I have behaved in ways that have caused people to react back to me in ways that have surprised me, as in the person has misinterpreted my behaviour to mean something else and I have been badly misunderstood.

I can be a touch direct with people at times and I often like to get the point across directly to people because I think that it's kinder not to lie to somebody, but i do this in a diplomatic and gentle way. 

I was always very rebellious as a teenager and was always in trouble at school secondary school- I never understood why because I thought I was being good. 

I experience severe sensory overload.

I don't have any routines that I adhere by and I don't have a problem with change.

I have a degree in mathematics and work in data analysis.  

I would be so grateful for some feedback.

Thank you so much.

Hannah

Parents

  • This is very similar to what I've been trying to work out.

    Maths degree, was working towards data analysis career before lockdown, I can be very focused, self-harm history, communication is seemingly pretty neurotypical most of the time, high dislike of abandonment etc [I won't list all]


    My diagnosis journey goes as follows:

    2018 (aged 37): finally I persevere to get a diagnosis - they give a tentative BPD

    During this time, I was expecting to get a complex PTSD diagnosis - and felt that would be closer. However, I could see where they were coming from because there is overlap and I was only reviewed for 2 sessions of questions.

    During this time also, my GP tentatively raised Asperger's - "there's something about the way you talk". He said it's his best guess but see the relevant professional about it. [Nice GP who I have a lot of respect for]

    2020: One of my therapists I was seeing was pretty categorical with me "I have clients with BPD, from what you've said, you don't have BPD"

    2020 (aged 38): I quit my job, lose my partner (very sad), lose my flat - I self-diagnose myself as 'possible/likely Asperger's'

    This was inspired by a friend saying, "I think you'd benefit from reading up more on Asperger's and seeing if it rings true for you or not." So I did, I read a lot and I saw a lot of crossover.

    August 2020: I see crossover between what people are saying on here and mentions of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

    I read up heavily on this and it looks like an even closer match than Asperger's (at least for me).

    Some of what you say here _might_ cross over with PDA - so that might be worth looking into if you have time/curiosity to.

    PDA is an autism spectrum condition too.

    The reason why I highlight PDA is because you say:

    • "I never feel awkward in social situations, I am extraverted and am confident socially."
    • "I was always very rebellious as a teenager and was always in trouble at school secondary school- I never understood why because I thought I was being good."
    • "I don't have any routines that I adhere by and I don't have a problem with change."

    These ones alone strike me as a bit more PDA than Asperger's.
     

    If you sometimes weirdly struggle with certain tasks that 'should be easy' - like finding it really hard to start certain tasks and procrastinating about it more than the average person would.

    If that kind of rings true, then I'd say it could be worth having a read up on PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) as that might provide a bit more food for thought.


    Finally, in a more light-hearted fashion, have you seen the film Good Will Hunting? It's maths, C-PTSD and probably autism combined in that film. I don't cry all that often watching films but that one ... it hits home in a lot of scenes.
    [I guess it might be triggering though. For me, I prefer to face my past as I want to reconcile with my trauma, so the film didn't bother me. However, I guess somebody with a different outlook might not find the child abuse allusions so easy to watch.]


    I hope some of this useful. Thank you for sharing.

Reply

  • This is very similar to what I've been trying to work out.

    Maths degree, was working towards data analysis career before lockdown, I can be very focused, self-harm history, communication is seemingly pretty neurotypical most of the time, high dislike of abandonment etc [I won't list all]


    My diagnosis journey goes as follows:

    2018 (aged 37): finally I persevere to get a diagnosis - they give a tentative BPD

    During this time, I was expecting to get a complex PTSD diagnosis - and felt that would be closer. However, I could see where they were coming from because there is overlap and I was only reviewed for 2 sessions of questions.

    During this time also, my GP tentatively raised Asperger's - "there's something about the way you talk". He said it's his best guess but see the relevant professional about it. [Nice GP who I have a lot of respect for]

    2020: One of my therapists I was seeing was pretty categorical with me "I have clients with BPD, from what you've said, you don't have BPD"

    2020 (aged 38): I quit my job, lose my partner (very sad), lose my flat - I self-diagnose myself as 'possible/likely Asperger's'

    This was inspired by a friend saying, "I think you'd benefit from reading up more on Asperger's and seeing if it rings true for you or not." So I did, I read a lot and I saw a lot of crossover.

    August 2020: I see crossover between what people are saying on here and mentions of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

    I read up heavily on this and it looks like an even closer match than Asperger's (at least for me).

    Some of what you say here _might_ cross over with PDA - so that might be worth looking into if you have time/curiosity to.

    PDA is an autism spectrum condition too.

    The reason why I highlight PDA is because you say:

    • "I never feel awkward in social situations, I am extraverted and am confident socially."
    • "I was always very rebellious as a teenager and was always in trouble at school secondary school- I never understood why because I thought I was being good."
    • "I don't have any routines that I adhere by and I don't have a problem with change."

    These ones alone strike me as a bit more PDA than Asperger's.
     

    If you sometimes weirdly struggle with certain tasks that 'should be easy' - like finding it really hard to start certain tasks and procrastinating about it more than the average person would.

    If that kind of rings true, then I'd say it could be worth having a read up on PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) as that might provide a bit more food for thought.


    Finally, in a more light-hearted fashion, have you seen the film Good Will Hunting? It's maths, C-PTSD and probably autism combined in that film. I don't cry all that often watching films but that one ... it hits home in a lot of scenes.
    [I guess it might be triggering though. For me, I prefer to face my past as I want to reconcile with my trauma, so the film didn't bother me. However, I guess somebody with a different outlook might not find the child abuse allusions so easy to watch.]


    I hope some of this useful. Thank you for sharing.

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