Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey guys,
The NHS has refused to refer me to a specialist and I cannot afford to go to a private specialist to get referred. I know it isn't viable to self diagnose but it would be really helpful if I could have your opinions as to whether you thought I sound like i might be on the spectrum somewhat.
These are the things I deem relevant:
Firstly, I know I definitely am very high functioning. I have never had trouble keeping or maintaining friendships. I am very sociable, and don't experience social anxiety. I do, however experience severe sensory overload. I also have a diagnosis of ADHD. My partner says that I sometimes talk a lot and take up more conversation time than her, so perhaps this indicates a lack of social reciprocity, but I am aware of when I do this, and I know I am very chatty. I am very emotionally sensitive. I experience hyperfocus which I have previously put down to my ADHD, and have deep knowledge in particular subjects. I have a very logical brain and have a degree in mathematics. I don't have any routines that I adhere by and I don't have a problem with change. My language/ speech isn't different. I was always very rebellious as a teenager and was always in trouble at school secondary school- I never understood why because I thought I was being good. I can be a touch direct with people at times and I often like to get the point across directly to people because I think that it's kinder not to lie to somebody, but i do this in a diplomatic and gentle way. On occasion I have behaved in ways that have caused people to react back to me in ways that have surprised me, as in the person has misinterpreted my behaviour to mean something else and I have been badly misunderstood. I never feel awkward in social situations, I am extraverted and am confident socially.
I also have a diagnosis of Complex PTSD which could account for some of the things I mentioned.
I would be so grateful for some feedback.
Thank you so much.
Hannah
I have a similar story as well. But the things I got diagnosed with is a bit different, I will list them below.
Diagnosed with: (These are clinical)
Anxiety Disorder
Obsessive Personality Disorder
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Vulnerable Type)
ADHD
Impulse control disorder (Hair pulling, pyromania)
Mild panic disorder (Rarely)
I was concerned about if I have Asperger's or not, that led to consulting a professional. The answer I got was that I was mildly delusional (Narcissism) about my theory, indeed I was showing some symptoms but not enough for Asperger's diagnosis. I was satisfied with this answer and left the topic to settle. 2-3 days ago I came across the fact that I might have PDD-NOS, since the traits are frankly very accurate about me. I'm going to list the abnormalities that cause me to suspect this disorder:
Stimming when stressed, hair pulling-pulling out skin, rubbing my chest. Without realizing I tend to look at my reflection at any given surface spontaneously when I'm in dire social situations such as a new social environment. With regard to stimming I find smelling my farts extremely satisfying and addicting. I also desire extreme tastes such as eating lemons raw like apples or eating coffee grounds/chewing ice.
I'm socially incompetent with low self esteem, I'm rude and egocentric in my conversations, I tend to offend people without realizing or I can't understand if the person is bored from my talking. I'm very didactic, I can not withstand small talk at all, I just ignore people/environment if necessary. I can maintain eye contact if I'm comfortable enough but when I'm assessed such as online exams in my faculty, I tend to shutdown and not respond to orders accurately, showing panic attack symptoms. I'm very aggressive when I'm trying to push myself to make new friends but sometimes people say I'm rude, egocentric and aggressively intimate. I fail to recognize a given person's intentions which further intensifies my paranoia about people, I can discard people very easily which leads to social isolation as well.
With regard to motor functioning, it was a total mess. I learnt to tie my shoes when I was 19 years old! Even though I'm 20 right now, I can not ride a bicycle, I'm clumsy and all the door handles are broken in my house due to my excessive application of force when I'm opening doors. I had balance problems and I sprained my ankle like 20 times, for one instance very severely due to my clumsiness. I couldn't manage to play sports, very incompetent. My social vulnerability lead to extreme bullying and needless subjugation of paternal/social tyranny.
With regard to immersive, self absorbent behavior, they were extreme indeed but the spectrum varied over my life time. I learned to read and write all by myself when I was 5 years old, I was interested in exotic animals. When I started primary school, I tended to collect every single information about volcanoes, earthquakes and space. I had a diary which I daily reflected my experiences about aforementioned interests. I was trying to observe known planets when I got a telescope when I was 9 years old. That time my teachers started noticing my unusual intellectual traits which led to close relatively intimate relationships with teachers and resulting protection, which contributed to bullying/social isolation further more. In high school the spectrum started to shift to history and politics which I was reading, collecting information all day without feeling tired. Sometimes I would find myself reading about random articles for several hours and hours. I was experimenting with fires and explosives, which further intensified the conflict with my parents since they saw me as a grown man due to my age. When I left middle school, I managed to excel national exams and get into a top highschool which demanded greater social skills ever than before. I was extremely depressed and tried to cure myself with binge eating and being obsessed to video games (sometimes 15 hours a day). Still today I can not adapt to new changes, I'm stubborn. I tend to think analytically but only when I'm calm, when people push me to do something, I tend to shutdown and can not take/process information.
I have sensory problems, I can not bear certain noises, I find myself stressed when I'm outside chronically. I can not withstand light when it is shining outside, I tend to wear strict clothing in order to feel secure, I sleep with my blanket even if it is not necessary. Sometimes I tend to breakdown and withdraw from my surroundings. Often it is extremely painful and I think I'm not living but indeed exposing myself. Back in highschool I had a chronic sleepiness problem, taking 3 hours of long naps afternoon with shutting curtains and staying in my dark room feeling overwhelmed physically/emotionally.
Overall, parallel with mentioned diagnosis above, I'm not a group person, I can not focus, maintain mental integrity and my personality is extremely fragile which lead to the hypothesis that I might have PDD-NOS. I screwed many exams which I could have excelled due to my shutdown type stress periods, which lead to stagnation of my career at the moment. I'm about to change my major since I think I'm not suitable to treat patients as a doctor. I'm extremely concerned about my future and that's why I'm pursuing a diagnosis to find faith in my soul.
Thanks, I know it is a bit long but I think I need to share this.
Heya, thanks so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you have had a really tough time. It sounds like the PDD-NOS might be a diagnosis that fits you and I really hope you manage to get to a place where you find happiness and fulfillment. :)