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Is it OK to be unhappy that you can't do things that you like at the moment?

StephenHarris

With the current situation, my holiday has been cancelled and I have little to look forward to. However, when I get upset about this, I'm told that other people are suffering much more in the current pandemic and I'm upset over trivial things.

Are they right?

  • You have a right to be upset. It won't make things better but it's not a crime to be upset either. I hope you get to go on holidays soon.

  • I think Oblomov says it well.

    Yes, many of us are upset and some of us are suffering a bit, all in our different ways.

    For me, I'm really hungry for the connection of having a hug from someone, of going out with a crew of friends. Is that trivial? No, I don't think it is.

    For you, the holiday has a lot of meaning for you. You connect it to hope. It's natural you're going to be upset if something that gives you hope has disappeared.

    Have faith that there other are things to look forward to and be hopeful for. But also, your disappointment, your own bit of suffering is valid.

    People can sometimes be dismissive. That's their business. For you, you might need to kind of grieve the lost holiday a little bit in your own way. Do what you need to do.

    Best wishes

  • Almost 40 years ago, a counsellor told me, "There's no hierarchy of problems."  Although that might be objectively false, problems and disappointments affect us subjectively.  The same issue might be faced by one person with equanimity but with anxiety or depression by another.  One person's triviality may be of great importance to another.  There are various reasons for this, including the ways our brains are wired.  Autistic people are more likely to be upset by the cancellation of anything - just because it's a change of plan - quite apart from the additional sense of loss from what has been cancelled.

    Although feeling upset is unlikely to be a helpful reaction to anything, I think we're all entitled to feel as upset as we like, regardless of the cause (though we need to try to avoid hurting others in how we express it).  We certainly shouldn't feel guilty about being upset, just because other people appear to be suffering more.