Life going in episodes of ability and inability

Hi everyone,

My life goes in peaks and slumps. For a few weeks I would show great ability and talents, make plans, start projects, take commitments, give hopes...

And then suddenly nothing would make sense anymore. Life becomes bland and pointless. I get disconnected from everything and everyone. I keep doing what I started for a few days but soon I lose traction, everything feels wrong and I can't make decisions. I can hardly look after myself... And this can go for several weeks - long enough to fail my commitments and disappoint everyone.

When I was 24 (will be 40 this year), I got diagnosed with "recurrent depressive disorder" and had antidepressants prescribed but this didn't fix my life. I wasn't depressed, I was tired of being anxious and afraid.

I am afraid to apply for jobs because I don't know in what state would I be when I get to an interview. If I get a job it would be a matter of time when I fail and will be kicked out. I don't even want to meet people anymore.

Does anyone know if this has something to do with autism or is it a separate mental health issue?

I believe I am on the spectrum and even passed through the preliminary assessment for a formal diagnosis.

I'm scared. Don't know what to do about it and have no one to talk to.

Thanks

Parents
  • Okay. The topic doesn't seem to be very popular. Would you like to share any ideas or observations you might have?

    With me it seems to be triggered by a mix of physical tiredness, social/emotional stress, unpleasant event (I'll remember the rest later).

    A peculiar observation is that when I sleep less than 7 hours, I feel focussed and determined. If I sleep for 8 hours or more, I am likely to get into the condition described above. Unfortunately consistent sleep deprivation makes my gums hurt and bleed, and any injuries don't heal - I'm physically falling apart.

    As I wrote my first post, It got nearly midnight. Made it to bed at 00:20 and was up at 6:10 next morning. I felt sleepy but I was back on track. Took a while to remember what I was supposed to do but now I am up and running.

    It is possible writing my post here to have kick started me. 

    Any thoughts?

Reply
  • Okay. The topic doesn't seem to be very popular. Would you like to share any ideas or observations you might have?

    With me it seems to be triggered by a mix of physical tiredness, social/emotional stress, unpleasant event (I'll remember the rest later).

    A peculiar observation is that when I sleep less than 7 hours, I feel focussed and determined. If I sleep for 8 hours or more, I am likely to get into the condition described above. Unfortunately consistent sleep deprivation makes my gums hurt and bleed, and any injuries don't heal - I'm physically falling apart.

    As I wrote my first post, It got nearly midnight. Made it to bed at 00:20 and was up at 6:10 next morning. I felt sleepy but I was back on track. Took a while to remember what I was supposed to do but now I am up and running.

    It is possible writing my post here to have kick started me. 

    Any thoughts?

Children
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