Hi there, I have a wonderful 5 year old son who seems to be finding life very stressful which is very upsetting to see and I wonder how best to help him?
He likes routine and structure, and is very particular about certain things. For example: he will only go to poo if he has taken all his clothes off and is squatting on top of the toilet seat, refuses to wear pants unless the labels are cut out or he becomes very distressed, asks for help with his shoes, then becomes very angry if they aren't done the right way and ends up throwing them. When he has a meltdown these can last for up to an hour plus, and involve him hitting, punching, kicking members of his family and/orobjects very aggressively. I feel like he isn't in control of himself as I have noticed him laughing and giggling while he is doing it, but I don't think this is in a malicious way. When he is like this I move him away from things as far as I can and wait for it to pass, and removed myself and my daughter from the situation, as I have found that trying to speak to him exacerbates the situation. When he has calmed down, he is very sorry and loving.
For example, today he had another meltdown that lasted for about 30 minutes; this seemed to be triggered by me going on the seesaw with his sister at the park when he wanted to go home. Because I didn't leave the park immediately (although I had explained we would do this next) he became angry and started smacking and kicking me, sobbing crying. I talked calmly to him, but after leaving the park he refused to budge and ran off down a very busy road. He was really distressed and yelling and sobbing. He did eventually calm down and get in the car. Later on it transpired that he was sad because he had done his show at school and his reindeer antler was rubbing and his teacher wouldn't let him take it off and he was sad and a bit worried about the show. He said he was cross too because he had wanted to go home from the park and I hadn't listened to him and that I needed to say sorry.
He has very fixed ideas about how things need to be and once he has made up his mind about something, all the explanation and reasoning in the world cannot shift his thinking.
He also finds choices hard, eg: choosing a comic as a reward or a packet of sweets can take a very long time (20 minutes) and are potentially very tricky situations. I have found myself now limiting his choices. He really hates certain noises, eg: the handryers in toilets. His language is good, he often uses quite complicated words or makes up unusual imaginary ones.
This behaviour is becoming increasingly frequent, some days it can happen 3 or 4 times. I initially went to see the GP when the outbursts weren't as frequent as this and she referred him to CAMHS because he was hurting me and his sister and showing risk taking behaviour. They turned down the referral saying he didn't meet their threshold. I am not sure what to do next. School say that he's doing well and seem incredulous when I have raised my concerns before that it's the same child as the one in class. I feel like he can just about hold it together at school but then at home all the stress comes out.
Have tried rewards, charts, etc, but with very limited success.
Any suggestions would be much appreciated! I'm not sure where to go next to help him. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Thanks.
