Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm suffering from extreme anxiety right now - it's the worst I've ever had - by miles.
It a lack of a clear way forward - everything is chaos. I can't see a pattern so I can't work out a strategy.
I'm bothered by the whole Corona-thing - this house-arrest/lockdown (Sweden didn't do it and their death-rate is lower) so it's a deep distrust of the government and their malicious intentions towards the people and the economy and jobs.
It's also caused by every shop or service suddenly thinking they have the right to nanny me and control whether I can walk around their shop the wrong way.
I'm annoyed by the way the general public are reacting to the bogeyman - ratting out their neighbours for not obeying some spurious 'rules'.
I'm frustrated that there's nowhere to go - all the museums or places to visit are closed.
I'm frustrated with not even being able to go to the local cafe for lunch.
I'm frustrated by not being able to meet with friends.
To top it all, I've got some building work going on here and there's a crunch point that could drastically complicate the work - with no clear/cheap solution.
I'm waking up in the night, every night, all night - I'm getting no more than 2 hours sleep at a time and then I'm 100% wide awake again with all sorts of unwanted thoughts buzzing in my mind. I can feel my tight chest and I'm sure my blood pressure is getting some record scores. My dreams are becoming very dark and quite horrible. Video nasties. I'm stunned at just how unpleasant my subconscious can be. My dreams are traumatising me.
I'm waking up too hot or too cold or just uncomfortable and I can't get back to sleep.
Obviously, this is not healthy but I don't know what to do - none of these are irrational things so it's not like seeing the doctor will help - a load of meds won't solve anything. It's knowing that I can't actually do anything about any of it. I guess that powerless feeling isn't helping. I just can't stop my brain massively over-processing a lack of data.
How is everyone else coping?
Does anyone have any suggestions to reduce stress?
Any suggestions on what I can do in the middle of the night? I'm at the point where I might even just get up and go for a walk in the small hours.
I'm sorry that you're in a bad place emotionally right now. I don't know if I can say anything that will help, but I'll give it a try. I do have two questions: do you feel as though you have a good work-life balance, and would your family agree with you if you asked them?
I'm less affected than most. I miss my friends and my family, but I've always preferred my own company, so the isolation hasn't affected me as much as it could have. I was put on furlough, so that's one less thing to worry about. I get paranoid about shopping sometimes, so, when I have to shop, I go as close to opening time as possible, to minimise contact with others, and disinfect everything as soon as I'm home. I also stocked up on tins, but I still shop regularly to conserve / increase what's in the cupboards.
Reducing stress
Easiest thing I can think of is to stop paying attention to the news, they say no news is good news anyway. Try just looking at it at one time everyday and ignore it outside that time.
There are plenty of apps / books out there if you want to try meditation. When it all got too much at work, I'd find somewhere I wouldn't be disturbed, closed my eyes and meditated for 5 to 15 minutes. During that time, I'd allow whatever I feel or think to surface; acknowledging that they are there and are part of me but recognising that they are not what defines me as an entity. I'd imagine the thought or feeling as a leaf on a river, drifting further and further away while I breathed, until I couldn't see them anymore.
If meditation isn't for you, there are other activities that can achieve similar effects, such as yoga or juggling. Or you could just find time to do nothing at all, let yourself feel bored for a while and let your overworked brain take some much needed time off.
If possible, you can try early morning shopping to cut down on your stress, especially at ridiculous hours like 7-8AM.
There are always new hobbies you could try out. Learning to play an instrument, creative writing, cooking; anything that requires your mind to think about things that are as far removed from your work as possible.
You could focus on the things that the virus cannot affect. Like Donalda, I go for walks to get in touch with nature, to feel humbled by the things humans can't control; the natural world was there before Covid-19 and it will be there long after it has gone.
Your friends are still there for you, and you're there for them; it's just harder for you to see / talk to each other. Have you tried WhatsApp?
You could try free-writing; just get a blank sheet of paper and for 10 minutes write down whatever pops into your head. What you write doesn't have to be planned, make sense, or be grammatically correct, it just has to come from the heart. At the end, you can do whatever you want with what you've written; file it, crumple it up, tear it to pieces, your call.
This is a bit far out, but you and your family and friends could pick a time during the week to talk to each other about what's worrying you, or perhaps the everyday things that make you happy; "misery shared is halved, happiness shared is doubled" and all that.
In the night
They say that if you can't sleep you shouldn't try to. When I can't sleep, I get up and read or exercise.
If you can see the night sky, you could try stargazing. I don't do it myself (poor night sky visibility), but trying to find constellations would give your imagination something to do. If that isn't possible, there's always physical activity, as long as it doesn't involve a screen.